Just Passing By...

A Cry of Hope...

2006-06-30T19:07:00.000+07:00

The project is about to be concluded,
All the hardwork will be put to the test,
And this vessel is almost empty...
Drained of all it's energy, it's identity...

For awhile, everything seems to move in fast forward,
And there I am, in the middle of all the commotion,
An empty vessel, drained of all its essence,
And then time seems to move in slow motion,

A light shines brightly,
It beckons me as I reach out my hand,
My feet left the ground,
And I am taken away...

Fredy and Gitta

2006-05-29T19:32:00.000+07:00

I would like to say to Fredy and Gitta:

Congratulations on your marriage. I am truly happy for the both of you. Good luck, and remember: enjoy your lives. Never forget to often stop and smell the roses. Keep in touch!

In between...

2006-05-15T21:04:00.000+07:00

I could not stay in the Light,
for it's ray is too bright that it blinds me
I could not stay in the Dark,
for the absence of light deprived me of my sight

O Wind, lessen thy rage!
lest I would be taken away, flown to some foreign land,
show kindness, and bless me with your soft breeze,
on a warm sunny day, on a meadow where I stay

Mighty sea, calm your storm!
grant me passage through your madness,
carry me between continents with your kind waves,
and let me continue my journey with peace of mind

Let me walk the path of life in peace,
for I am weary, and in need of guidance,
O Lord, show me the way...

Is This Life? Cuz it sucks...

2006-05-07T21:09:00.000+07:00

...Yeah, sure, there's no one else to blame but myself. Working is not as great as they made it up to be. Sure, you get your own income (no more asking mommy to buy me candies), and you get to meet new people (some are complete angels, some are so-so, and some seemed to come from the deepest pits of hell), and you learn new stuff ('the managers are having a meeting, let's wrap this up and go home!'...go figure...)

Now, this is where the problem lies.

A stable life. Doing the same thing, from one day to another (BonQ, I feel ya buddy, I feel ya!). Seeing the same people from one day to another. Mad season it is, BonQ. Mad season it is indeed. And I'm losing my ability to come up with ideas for my writing. All I could do is just whine about it.

And yes, there's no one else to blame but myself.

But, man, I'm not dead yet! And while I'm still breathing, I ain't gonna succumb to boring, routine, corporate life. I need to find something else, something that I love to do. Something...

I guess life is about searching...

Anyways, I lost my appetite for philosophy...Just being practical lately. And I hate myself for that. I just hope it's not a permanent thing.

So, I just gonna post this shitty writing, but

MEIMEI, BONQ, DIDE, I AIN'T DEAD YET. WE AIN'T DEAD YET. KEEP ON WRITING, OKAY.

Welcoming New Year 2006

2006-01-04T19:23:00.000+07:00

Heh,
Another year's passed. So what's new? Just another change in the last digit of the year's number, that is. But of course there's more to it than just a digit change. So, to honor the tradition that our forefathers have taught is, I would like to give you:

2005, a year in review. (It's kinda predictable, huh?)

In any case, let me give you a month-by-month summary:

January 2005

Graduated (Yay!)
Got a job (Double yay! Got my mom off my back about finding something to do besides checking the content of her wallet and, of course, finally getting my own money!)
Enjoying the last days of my freedom from responsibilities...(something that I will come to miss...)

February 2005

Started work on the 1st
Bored to death due to lack of task
Getting paid for nothing (see bullet point 2 above)

March 2005

See February's point number 2
See February's point number 3

April

See March's point number 2
See March's point number 3
Finally, a project's heading my way

May

New project! Giddy...
Finding out the deadline...not so giddy...
Finally, real work
Feel bad about leaving a girl behind on a date...(well, it was technically NOT a date, but...well you know how it is, and she was NOT alone, lotsa other friends, she was not lonely...so I'm in the cool...right? Right?)

June

Project's picking up pace, beginning to think whether I'm really up for it...
Got a couple of days' worth of work with the PMO (curious what PMO is? I ain't telling...trust me it's not worth knowing about)
Getting closer to a girl (wanna know who? See point number 4 in May)

July

Hooked up with the girl (Yay!... See point number 3 in June)
Work's started killing me
More work
See previous point

August

Started seeing pink elephants in the office room
More work
See previous point
And see also February, March and April...getting paid for nothing is bliss...

September

Pink elephants started disappearing
More work's coming my way
I started missing the pink elephants

October

Work
Beginning to think that I'm losing my personal life...

November

More Work
Give trainings to users

December

Birthday...and trainings.
More Work
More More Work
Inches away from completely losing it....

All in all, I must say that it's been a good year...don't you think so?

Lion? Witch? Wardrobe? What the...?

2005-12-13T17:14:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Produced by Disney
Original Story by C. S. Lewis

At the time of this writing, I have not yet read C. S. Lewis' book on which the movie was based on. Thus, I was not able to express my views on the comparison between the two medium: movie and book. And this is, in my opinion, the movie's most critical weakness. After watching the movie, I thought back and felt that there was a lot of missing link in the storyline. A lack of continuity, a lack of cause and effect. How did the wardrobe came to be? What was the true role of the professor in the story? Who was Aslan? But then again, since I have not yet read the book, I could not say for sure whether these things were explained in the book. But for sure, they were not explained during the movie.

However, even though I felt that there were holes, a lack of continuity as I have mentioned above, in the storyline, I would like to say that the way the story was told to the audience was excellent. And how does a movie tells a story? We shall discuss the matter on several points.

For the first point I would like to discuss about the music. The first thing I noticed when I started watching the movie was the music composer: Harry Gregson-Williams. Being a fan of the Metal Gear Solid video game series, I came to know Harry Gregson-Williams' work quite well since he started working for the MGS series from the second entry in the series: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. Movie fanatics might also recognize him for his work in the movie 'Enemy of the State'. His scores are always dramatic and they are able to steer the audience's mood in the right direction. And that was the case in Narnia: it didn't disappoint. It even exceeded my expectation. This was due to my not realizing in the first place that Gregson-Williams was responsible for the musical score in the movie. It was a pleasant surprise. Every single musical score fits the scene, and it plays the audience's mood very well. My mood, to be exact. And every single one of them is beautiful to listen to. When the first musical score started playing I was instantly carried away. And that is what a story is all about: to carry you away to a distant land.

The second point I would like to discuss is the cinematography. Simply put, each scene in the movie was beautifully done. The camera angle of each scene feels just right. They tell the story in dramatic ways. Case in point: the sacrifice scene. I would not divulge the details for fear of spoiling the story for those who have not yet read the book or watched the movie. I would like to say that this is one of the scenes I loved most in the movie. And the colors were vibrant, full of life. Just like a good picture story book, this movie is full of wonderful scenes and lively colors.

The third point I would like to bring into the spotlight is the acting. The actors and actresses playing the Pevensies are not famous actors/actresses. But their acting in the movie was above average. A bit lacking in charisma, however, but they delivered an above average, believable performance. In my personal opinion, Georgie Henley (Lucy Pevensie) gave the best performance out of the four. Tilda Swinton, playing as the cruel and heartless White Witch, gave an excellent performance. It could be said that she almost dominates the movie if it weren't for one character: Aslan. Aslan the Lion. Brought to life by the help of the magic that is CGI, and given charisma through the voice acting of Liam Neeson. For every single time Aslan enters the scene, he dominates it straight away.

So, it all comes down to: is it worth watching? Yes, it is. Watch this movie for its beautiful cinematography, beautiful music, and above average performances by it's actors and actresses. It is a beautiful movie, incomplete yet entertaining. Read the book to enjoy the fullness, completeness, of the story.

COLD

2005-12-12T09:30:00.000+07:00

Why can’t I smile when others smile?
Why can’t I laugh when others laugh?
Why can’t I cry when others cry?

Why can’t I share a piece of my emotions when others beg for it?

I’m just stone cold.

The Third Week...

2005-12-06T14:44:00.000+07:00

Here I am, sitting in the same class, teaching the same training materials again. This second batch of trainees seemed smarter than the one that came before. Come to think of it, they might seemed smarter due to the smart ones daring to sit up front near me and asked a lot of questions that have some sizable chunk of brains in them. The smart ones from the previous batch sat in the back and rarely asked questions. But once they did, the questions were more precise. And when I really thought about it, maybe on average these two batches were almost identical. It was just that the smarter ones now sat up front and asked more questions. Exposure is important, I daresay.

Right now they were being given an evaluation form. It was some kind of a test. The answers were all in the hand-outs that were given them and they were allowed to look into their hand-outs. The questions were simple, but not downright dumb. This implies that I did not have to watch them all the time to find out whether or not someone was cheating. And for God’s sake they’re older than me. It seemed funny if I have to reprimand these…adults. To think that I was calling them adults…and to think that I was fast becoming one of their ranks…

What I was trying to say in the paragraph above was that right now I was using the opportunity to write another entry.

So…let’s talk about getting old. Once, when I was a kid, birthdays were a time of gifts, festivities, congratulatory mentions, and the occasional birthday accidents (small, day-to-day accidents that usually got accentuated during birthdays…you surely know what I mean of course? You don’t? Oh well just forget I said that). All in all, birthdays used to be a fun event that I look forward to every year. They still were during high school and college years. However, as I sat there waiting for the trainees to finish their evaluation and as my birthday was approaching; I feel that I wasn’t really looking forward to it.

What was there to celebrate, really? I almost lost contact with most of my friends and I rarely have time for my own private life thanks to the project I was currently in. Back then in my old office, I wouldn’t even think of going home later than 7 o’clock in the evening. I’d often think to myself that maybe that was the reason I did not succeed, because I did not give it my all. But I looked at the people working there, and I said to myself “That is not the kind of life I’d want to live.”

But there I was, working hard till late at night, staying out of town to give trainings to users. I was not saying that it was not exciting. I’d always wanted to teach, I feel and I know that I do have the potential. And getting people to understand, seeing their “A-ha!” faces as understanding begins to dawn on them gives me a kind of satisfaction that I truly enjoy. But the overload of work that I was currently in lessened that effect to only a margin.

True, the people I was working with were a whole lot nicer then the previous bunch I found in the old office. The pay was moderate, but I was beginning to feel that it would not be enough. But sometimes, nay, most of the time, you could not replace the kindness you give and receive with money. So in this regard I was quite thankful. And this environmental factor gave me an amount of intangible incentive in pushing myself to work harder and be better for the people working around me. But too much of a good thing is not good for the well being of both the mind and of the body.

I’m sounding like Olde Englishe here, aren’t I?

Anyways, balance was probably the issue here. I need to regain my personal life. It was true when one of my managers asked me whether or not the load of work was beginning to have an effect on us. It was. But at times, you could only think that, what else is there that I could do? Work was work, and someone has got to do it. In other words, I was numb. But I am whining now, aren’t I? I have a friend whose responsibilities far exceed mine, and he had to balance this with managing his spouse. He still managed to survive until now, and I must say that I salute him.

I still think that this may get way too much.

Ah, before I blabber on too much, I just want to say that my birthday seems gloomy. Getting older, the prospect of having to spend the day at Cibogo during D-day (while I should be spending it in Jakarta with loved ones), deprived of my personal life and personal rest and relaxation, these things could really make you down. And things are beginning to become more negative.

I heard someone’s saying “Don’t kill your self. Every cloud has a silver lining” in the audience…

Yes. Every cloud does have a silver lining. So, maybe later on good things will come out of this. At least I got the opportunity to teach, and the trainees were a great and friendly bunch. And ever since the day I gave training I was shielded from issues from the main office. I needed that. So, in the end I would like to say that I was thankful nonetheless.

And I need to regain contact with close friends, do things that are unrelated to work, enrich myself again. I need to change again. Like a caterpillar or a silkworm, I once again need to enclose myself in a cocoon of self-enrichment and self-fulfillment.

Hmmmm…

Don’t you think that this entry is too long for the purpose of explaining my disappointment at not being able to celebrate birthday at home?
With loved ones,
With friends,
With families…

I need to keep in touch with the gang again. Any of y’all read this entry and can feel me, shout out or give comments, okay.

A set of pictures

2005-12-05T18:58:00.000+07:00

To continue my recent posting...

Yeah, I still want to post some more pictures. Bear with me, please...

Lens Flare

It's just plain beautiful, the trees and the light from the sun. I took this picture during my trek around Puncak near my friend's villa. I frequented this paved road a lot during the trek.

Nature Whispers

It's one of those moments when you just went silent...

Road up a Hill

I think I like taking pictures from this perspective...

A view from the top of a hill...

I took this picture from the top of a hill in the middle of a tea plantation. Notice the bee?

The Gate

Whoever own this place is filthy rich...

Silly Me...

2005-11-30T13:12:00.000+07:00

I just realized that blogspot provides many formatting options. And since I've never posted pictures before, I think I'll try posting pictures in this entry. Along with the story of how those pictures came about. So...here we go!

A flower

Simple, isn't it? It's a flower. Nuff said. But the reason why I posted this particular photo is that I took this picture using the close-up mode of my digital camera. The result is more than average for a digital camera. Of course the real quality of the photo is not shown here, since it's been resized, but when shown in full...it's really beautiful. I really like this particular photo.

Ancient Cupboard

This old cupboard resides in my friend's villa. The photo is not exactly good in terms of aesthetic, but I took this picture just because I want to show an ancient cupboard. Not exactly a good picture, but for some reasons I really like it.

Ancient Walls

During my trek along the dirt path, I chanced upon these two walls. I do not know what building these plantation-covered walls were once part off, but I noticed the strange aura they gave off so I took a picture of it.

Flowers on Trees

I really like this picture, it would be near perfect only if I didn't forget to omit the man in the bottom-center of the photo. The lighting was beautiful. I took this picture lying down on a huge rock in the middle of a river. Oh well, nothing's perfect I guess.

Into the Unknown

Everytime I went on my hiking trek around my friend's villa, I would come across this path. I would stand in front of it thinking whether or not I should go through it. The path was always deserted and silent. It gave off a dreary aura. In other words, it's creepy. But for some reason, I always went through it. And I never quite remember the turns I've made whenever going through that path.

The Lantern

My friend and I agreed that this old lantern reminded us of the lantern in the movie Sleepy Hollow. Put a candle inside the lantern, bring it into a dark room, and the light it casts on the wall will be in the shape of the holes on the lantern. Twist the lantern around and the light will play around the walls of the room.

More pictures to come later...

It's Gonna Rain

2005-11-28T15:08:00.000+07:00

Yeah,

I'm back in Cibogo and it's gonna rain. And yes, I'm still giving more training. I'll be staying till Tuesday and when the last session is done I'll be heading back for Jakarta. For some reason I'm losing steam today. By noon I was losing my voice and my will to continue the lessons. My class was running faster than I was. They were trying exercises that I hadn't even get to explain yet. But no matter, I like proactive students. I just had to make sure that we would still have a couple of exercises for the next day. If they finished all the exercises, there would be no more material for to go over during the last day.

Giving training here in Cibogo has given me quite a beneficial distraction from the every day routine. No families, no friends, and no traffic whatsoever. The only one thing that is lacking is no girlfriend. At least I get to go home during weekends.

Ever since coming here, there were things that I left behind in Jakarta, emotional baggages...but I don't know whether I should think of them as emotional baggages. I'm not sure. Well, let me try to list them:

1. The death of an aunt of my stepfather, and
2. My real father getting married again and changing his religion

The circumstances surrounding the death of my aunt is not...common. I mean, it was a natural death, but a supposedly preventable one or one that could be delayed for quite some time. This is the heart of the matter. But I am reluctant to divulge the matter further since I am not keen in opening up family matters that does not relate directly to me. What is bothering me is that I didn't want to know more. I didn't care. I know this is my stepfather's sister, but he is the one with whom I spent my time growing up. Not perfect, but he's my father. But, I couldn't let myself care more. I didn't ask him how he felt.

Okay, okay, I know guys don't ask one another about how they feel. Us from the male species are not accustomed to this. But still...

If you ask me whether I was close to this auntie, well the answer is no. I'm just scared that I'm losing my caring self. It could be bad, it could be good. Maybe that means that I won't be such a hypocrite anymore. But I don't know.

But maybe, by musing about this in my blog, maybe I do care. At least I spent some effort in trying to put my feelings into words. At least I was thinking about it when I was writing this. Or maybe I was just looking for things to write about.

I'm so bad...

About my real father getting married again...this will be his third marriage. My real father left my mother when I was barely even 1 year old. I didn't even know he existed (although I had my suspicion) until I was 21. If he hadn't tried contacting me, maybe I would have gone on not knowing anything about him. But that's a story for another time...

So, yes, my real father's getting married again. And he's changing his religion. So, right now he's got a son (me) and a daughter (my stepsister from his second marriage). Seems like he's about to score one again. The woman he's marrying is only about 3 or 4 years older than I am. And she's tall. Not exactly that pretty, but okay.

The thing is that, I couldn't even care less. Maybe I do care a bit, but the guy's never there for me since I was only a wee lad. A baby. He was just another stranger that suddenly became a part of my life. A small part, at least for now.

And still I couldn't care less. I'm just afraid that I'm becoming numb. Very numb. I hope it's just because I'm tired. Or maybe I don't have to make such a big deal out of these things. Or should I?

So, yeah, by the time I got to this point of my writing, it was still raining outside. The smell of wet grass and wet earth mingled, giving off a fresh aroma.

Maybe I just have to enjoy my time here. Before I come back.

While I still can.

Teaching

2005-11-23T17:31:00.000+07:00

Yes, teaching.

The company sent me on a (slightly) out of town assignment of giving a software training to a group of users. They might have made a bad decision.

Regardless, I've been enjoying it so far. The first day I was stiff. Too formal, not loose enough. Second day was quite a breeze. Beginning to familiarize myself with the participants. The third day, I went a bit too fast. But still, it's kind of nice to be able to teach again.

I started to like teaching and presenting ever since that fateful day in college when I had to present during one of the class. At first, it was frightening having people's eyes looking intently at you. But it was addictive, having people's attention on you.

I started liking teaching more during the days when I was going through my master's degree program. There were times when friends asked me to teach them. They said I was good in explaining, and it was kind of uplifting when they have that "I got it!" expressions on their faces.

Satisfying.

So, it's been enjoyable so far. Except for a couple of minor things (and ONE MAJOR ISSUE), it's been quite an entertaining and fulfilling experience.

I'm such a narcist.

Saturday Night

2005-11-23T17:25:00.000+07:00

So, here I am in one of Jakarta’s many popular mal. Got off from work on a Saturday night, I feel like there’s nothing better for me to do but to go here and treat myself to a LARGE cup of Dairy Queen’s Peanut Buster Parfait (should I put a trademark sign after this? It’s just a thought). It may not be the best ice cream in the world, but I’d been wanting to get myself one for quite some time.

Work’s been tough lately. With the deadline getting ever nearer, the tasks have become harder and more tedious. Lots of things to be done, lots of things to be fixed. But that’s work. There will always be more of ‘em. Just when you think that it’s over, comes your colleague/supervisor asking you to do more work. More issues and stuff, y’know?

But, damn, that’s not the point though. I’m just chillin’ here, having some ME time (yeah, thanks for the term, Ven, it seems that I’ll be using that more often now ha ha ha). And I should declare right now before it’s too late that this entry is probably the worst I’ve ever made. With the DJ right across from the table and the music blaring in my ears, it’s kinda hard to concentrate. But it’s not everyday that you could pull out your laptop and start typing away in the middle of a mal (even though it’s company’s laptop but, still, people don’t know that). And you guys probably have guess that since there’s no wi-fi around here, this entry must’ve been posted later after this…event.

Oh well, so I’m just to y’all, that after a hard day’s work (and on a weekend to boot), it’s just nice to reward myself with a LARGE cup of ice cream and just chillin’.

Oh my God, this entry sucks. Big time. Oh well… I just wanna write, and I don’t care if it suck….

(P. S: Got a bad case of diarrhea and fever the day after, thanks to Dairy Queens’ Peanut Buster Parfait. But at least I didn’t have to go to work he he he).

Puncak Visit, Again

2005-11-23T17:22:00.000+07:00

I spent 4 hours and a half letting myself got lost among the winding roads and dirt tracks around my friend’s villa in Puncak. It has been awhile indeed since my last visit. And a lot has changed since then. There were now more asphalt roads. New houses were built. Fences were erected. New gates built and closed. Hence thus familiar shortcuts lost.

Luckily, not all of them are lost. And so I found myself hiking along familiar dirt tracks. I had to retrace my steps a couple of times since now there were more fences closing off access to the aforementioned shortcuts, but I knew other ways. I tried paths that I had not taken during my previous visit and found more shortcuts. It was a good thing I didn’t get lost among the woods. It would be hard indeed to find my way back if I did. And I was a long way off from my friend’s comfortable villa.

As always, the sceneries are magnificent. I had brought along with me a digital camera capable of storing 256 MB worth of pictures. But no matter how many pictures I’d taken, they will never be able to explain the depth of beauty these sceneries had. One should be here to be able to understand it.

I climbed to the highest ground of a nearby hill and as always, I found myself taken aback by the loudness of the silence. It was so quiet and lonely up there in the hills. I’d enjoyed the climb in my previous visit. But this time, I felt scared. I was scared of the loneliness, scared of being alone.

The view was magnificent. But the loneliness was piercing.

I was thinking of launching into philosophical musing about God and how lonely He probably was when He (or maybe She) created this world…but it’s too depressing. So I changed my mind.

I walked back to the villa exhausted. I missed a step or two along the way, courtesy of the slippery track (it rained the previous day). My clothing was dirty (courtesy of the missing of a step or two). Got sun-burned (it was a very hot day in Puncak, hotter than usual). It had been awhile since I got sun-burned. Not the kind of skin sensation I’d expect from a visit to Puncak.

The mood in the villa was not uplifting (my friends were nursing a cold). They all wore gloomy faces. It was kind of depressing. We were supposed to be cheerful. There was something amiss; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

All in all, I’d visited the villa in better circumstances. But I’m still thankful nonetheless.

Wonders of the Colossus

2005-10-29T10:35:00.000+07:00

Game Review: Shadow of the Colossus
Console: PS2

The Gods of the Temple have bid me kill the 16 Colossus that roam the land. They have promised to bring her back to life if I succeed in the quest bestowed upon me. I laid her at the temple's altar. Her face, full of life, is the only thing that drives me now. I have no other purpose. My life is meaningless without her by my side. Giants I will face, and giants will I slay to bring her back to life.

I awoke from my sleep. The sun was shining a little dim, casting a hazy light over this vast, beautiful land. My horse waited next to the shrine where I fell asleep the day before today. It approaches as I stirred from my deep slumber. I gather my wits about me. I must make haste or else she would be lost forever.

I mounted my loyal steed, and I raised my sacred sword. The sunlight reflected off the surface of the sword and showed me the way to the next giant that I must slay.

The light led me to a vast lake. In the middle stood a round canopy of a fallen structure. I dismounted my horse and left it on the shore as I swam toward the walkway that led to the top of the canopy.

The giant was aroused from its sleep. It stood erect and its eyes red in anger, provoked by my presence. It sensed the doom that was coming and uttered a massive growl as it stood. I waited, anticipating its move. With its massive frame, the giant walk towards me, shaking the ground with each of its steps.

On its hand it held a might club, almost as tall is its body. It raised the club and swung it down at the canopy where our battle would took place. I ran to the side. The ground shook, and I was brought to my knees.

I must not be afraid. I must be brave.

And so I stood, raised my sword up to the sky, praying to Heavens above to give me strength, and ran towards the giant as it prepares for another swing of its mighty club.

Giants I will face, and giants will I slay to bring her back to life.

And so the third battle of the Colossus Legend began...

Sanctuary

2005-10-20T15:45:00.000+07:00

I almost fell asleep, when I heard a loud splashing sound. I almost tipped over my boat and nearly lost grip of my fishing rod. I looked around, heard a giggling sound, followed by some movements near the bushes by the lake, but I couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" I shouted. But no one answered. Everything went back to silence, except for the tranquil sounds of the waves that were made by, presumably, a rock being thrown in the lake. So I went back to my fruitless fishing, interested more in the sleeping quietly than in the fishing part. Yes, yes. More sleeping, less talking. Well, with the help of that splashing, it would surely be even tougher to catch a fish now.

A hazy peek at the sky revealed that, in fact, it was cloudy, as if it was going to rain, and nearly dark, with almost no trace of the sun anywhere. There were bits of rays filtering through the clouds, shining on the mass of grasses by the lake, as if they were sanctuaries amid the darker shades around them. There were no winds, but the air was cool enough, and it was drifting me back to sleep.

A loud noise startled me. Twisting my head to side revealed a large pile of paper near my desk, obviously the same pile that made the noise as it was dropped there. Ah, always more work to be done. It appears that it'll take some time before I could become a permanent residence of my sanctuary.

SMS Chat Log

2005-10-02T14:38:00.000+07:00

SPT (22:37):
Busy tomorrow?

AAS (22:43):
Yeah, work. Can u blieve me? Shit.

SPT (22:40):
Wow. On a Sunday? What happened to freedom of religion?

AAS (22:45):
Freedom and religion. Contradiction.

SPT (22:43):
Well, someone's feeling blasphemous tonight. There is freedom in religion. Feel free to burn at the stake. Btw, watching this bali shit?

AAS (22:48):
Not yet, but I heard bout it. Damn, man. Another one. WTF do they want anyways...How bad is it? G msh di jln ma Mike

SPT (22:47):
6 bombs or something. Bunch more disarmed before explosion. Simultaneous. Dozen dead so far. What they want? 70 virgins.

**end of conversation**

Tempus Fugit

2005-09-22T10:50:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I think it's funny how some old things in life, things that I wanted in the past but couldn't reach, seem to haunt me forever. Is it human nature or is it me? Is it a blessing or is it a curse?

Sometimes, I could see or hear these things even when they're not there. Will I ever get rid of them, or should I embrace them fully, all the while risking the newer things that I have already gained?

Some of my friends told me that those were unsatiated curiousity, like an age-old vengeance crying for bloodlust. They told me those were obsessions that I should drop, while I still can. It's not that I didn't try. I did. Numerous times. But obviously, I failed.

At first, I thought there was a deeper meaning to why I failed for oh-so-many times. Maybe those old things were things that were true, the very things that I've been looking for all this time. It was so easy to lull myself into believing the things that I wanted to hear. But Time erode all things mortal. I'm a very persistent person in those cases, but in the end, I'm only human.

So now, still in that journey to better understand myself and the world around me, I came to another bifurcation point in life. It was nothing extravagant, nothing worth celebrating. I think it's just me that's tired, bored, or it's just Time's way of telling me to catch up to reality. I should outgrow the things that have been holding me in stasis for so long, and move on, and cherish what I have now.

It's unlike killing the memories of these old things, but rather, I put them behind me. If they ever decide to catch up to me to say hi... well, that'll be the moment I should start to think about them again. I'm still keeping an open mind, it's just more dedicated to the present, and the future, now.

Flex Yer Hands 'n Fingers, Boys and Girls

2005-09-21T15:04:00.000+07:00

A short entry, really...

You'll know that in a way you're a mess when you're writing with a pen on your notepad with your right hand and your left hand automatically presses ctrl + s on your keyboard right after you've finished writing.

Have I said that I need a holiday?

Morning Blues, Baby

2005-09-09T07:33:00.000+07:00

The office room was empty, and I was the only one there.
I sat down in my cubicle and pull out my laptop from inside my bag.
I started working on my documents.
Tic-toc, said the clock.
Clicketty-clack, said the laptop.
Bubbly-blub, said the water dispenser.
Glug-glug, said my throat.
And do this, said my boss.

Stack of papers keep piling up on my desk.
Faceless people started coming in, stacking more papers on my desk.
Post-it-notes flying all over the air.
Paper planes swirling on top of my head.
And pink elephants nudging me on the side.

I need a long holiday.

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You!

2005-09-08T15:39:00.000+07:00

I must have her!
To love is truly to have!

She is so sleek, so smooth, so sexy...
... a bit dark-skinned...
... beautiful...
... perfect!

How I long to touch her!
Can I have you?

The Painting

2005-09-01T19:24:00.000+07:00

As I fell asleep, I found myself in a dream. In my dream, I was back in my childhood. I was walking in a long corridor. On my left were windows, their shutters were opened. The curtains were swaying and dancing to the rythm of the breeze. Bright sunlight streamed in and painted the blue walls of the corridor white. The singing of birds could be heard from outside.

I walked past the doors on my right. None of them caught my eyes. None of them invited my hand to touch its handle, to turn it, and to see what was beyond. There was only one thing that lured my attention. A painting at the end of the corridor.

As I walked up to the painting, the gentle breeze stopped. The curtain stood still, and the birds stopped singing. The blue walls of the corridor turned blood red.

Time stopped.

The painting depicted a barren landscape, a desert of white sand. The sky was blood red, and at the edge of the horizon it touched the land. Remnants of buildings with strange and exotic architectural designs occasionally dotted the lonely desert.

I ran my fingers along the edge of the beautifully crafted gold frame. As I raised my hand to touch the canvas, a shimmer ran through the painting. The canvas was gone, and the painting became real. The golden frame became only a window. A strong wind blew from behind me, and I stumbled into the golden frame. Into the painting. Into the white desert and the blood-red sky.

I stood up and looked back. The frame was gone. The corridor was no more. And I was trapped inside the painting. Where am I, I wondered. The few exotic buildings felt ominous, their tall figures weighing down on me like giants looking down at a mouse.

I walked and I walked. Soon the buildings were gone, left behind by my wandering.
I walked and I walked, yet the desert did not end. The red sky overhead did not change its colour.
I walked and I walked, yet I was still trapped.

I saw a shimmer ahead.
A golden frame
A mirror, hanging in the air, as if held by invisible rope

I ran up to it.
I saw my reflection, but my reflection did not look back at me.
Its eyes are closed, while mine were open.
I ran my fingers along the edge of the mirror's beautifully crafted golden frame.
My reflection stood still.
And I touched the surface of the mirror.
My reflection opened its eyes.

The mirror's surface shimmered, and once again I saw the vision of the blue corridor. I saw myself walking from the other end of the corridor. I saw myself walking ever nearer, ignoring the doors, ignoring the bright sunlight, ignoring the singing of the birds outside the window, not heeding the dancing of the curtains swayed by the gentle breeze.

I screamed to myself not to come near.
I waved my hand at myself, trying to warn myself.
I did not hear it. I did not see it.

The gentle breeze stopped. The curtain stood still, and the birds stopped singing. The blue walls of the corridor turned blood red.

Time stopped.

I ran my fingers along the beautifully crafted golden frame.

I raised my hands and touched the painting.

Blurry

2005-09-01T16:42:00.000+07:00

Wanna post something unimportant...

Puddle of Mudd - Blurry

Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
Everyone is changing, there's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending, let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing, I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me...

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me...

No.....
This pain you gave to me...
This pain you gave to me...

I'm so in love with this song...

A Shout From A Heart

2005-08-29T11:25:00.000+07:00

I give up.

After all these years, I give up.

I've waited, and my waiting has been all in vain.

My smiles always meet your ignorance.

My jokes meet with your cynism.

I want no more of you.

You wound me with your presence.

I don't want to see your face anymore.

I don't want to hear your voice any longer.

I'm killing my tree of you, and I let the fruits fall to the ground to rot.

It's over.

So this is how a heartbreak feels like.

I've tasted it many times since I met you, but I've only known it just now.

Sadness. Being heartbroken is being sad.

Deeply.

August...

2005-08-26T17:16:00.000+07:00

Another year went by.
Last year was the beginning of my biggest mistake.
Glad it was over before more damage was done.
(Not that it’s not horrid already. Thank goodness glad the nightmare didn’t last too long.)

Phew!

I learned that we must never mistake love for pity.
I learned never to compromise your feelings for a friendship.
I regretted not being able to avoid the mistake before it happened.

Yes.
I plead for temporary insanity.

But the mind and the brain will always be there to keep the heart in line.
There will be no other.

Hahaha, this genuine happiness really is devastating.

Come on, ideas…
Come to me…

Perfect Imperfections

2005-08-19T14:47:00.000+07:00

If you are faced with two options and you can only choose one, which one will you choose: an imperfect perfection or a perfect imperfection?

This is a subjective matter, of course. As for myself, I choose the latter one. From the two options, I gather, they are imperfect. Each has a flaw, an imperfection. But what gives the latter one an edge in my perspective, is that the adjectives, imperfect and perfect, are subjective. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What subjectively determines someone so perfect (or so imperfect) is your perception. I believe that one chooses his/her own terms of perfection, and one's perception can be changed, at will.

Now, let me tie this to love. One can love another person, only if one thinks that other person is perfect. The verb thinks here means: it's a matter of perception. If you accept this to be true, then it can be said that, love means seeing the imperfections of your loved one as perfect. It's not seeing past the imperfections, but it is accepting them as they are, and loving them.

Where's My Good News?

2005-08-11T09:17:00.000+07:00

Gah!

Where is it?

Come to me!

It's been awhile.

I need you.

Eyes staring blankly.

Empty without you.

The Half-Blood Prince

2005-07-29T09:49:00.000+07:00

Book Review
Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince
by J. K. Rowling

It is amazing how the story has grown so much over the years. The formula is still the same, however. Harry stays at the Dursleys during school break, then he is picked up and brought to stay at (or with) the Weasleys for awhile. He then goes to Diagon Alley to pick up some things for the upcoming wizarding school period. Soon after, the school period starts, with visits to Hogsmeade, and the story will arrive at it's climax when the school period is about to end. Along the way, things happen that give hints on the elements that will be concluded during the climax of the story. The significant difference is how darker and more brooding the three main characters have become. Granted, they're still kids, but circumstances have driven them to be tougher than average kids. Or at least, that's how I think it is.

Having almost the same formula in storyline for 6 books in a row is not exactly a bad thing, however. Try telling that it's a bad thing to J. K. Rowling and she only has to show the amount of money she has in her bank accounts. It's been an easy and joyful read up until now. The story is not terribly complex, but it serves the book's purpose of entertaining mostly young (and also in many cases, adult) minds.

I must say that I give credits to Rowling for hinting by the end of the book that the 7th and last installment of the series will seem to have a completely different storyline formula. So, write on Rowling. I can't wait to see what you will serve for us in book 7.

Blogging Sorely Missed

2005-07-28T16:08:00.000+07:00

It's been awhile since my last blog entry. And even then I only wrote a lame movie review. Lame for my standard, that is. But poring over the entry I realized that, really, there's not much to say. The movie was just like that. I just couldn't find more words to elaborate on it. That doesn't mean that the movie's unenjoyable. It was. And that's that.

So, yeah, it's been awhile since my last entry. I'm currently planning on writing a review of J. K. Rowling's newest entry in the Harry Potter series, 'The Half-Blood Prince'. But I've yet to finish the book. Only a hundred more pages, then I'm done. By then I'd be able to write a proper review.

While I'm on the subject of reviews, I'm also currently playing Criterion's Burnout 3 for the PlayStation 2. It's a racing game with a little bit of a twist. I will not elaborate further into the game for now. I'll save it for a proper review (de ja vu, anyone?). But, really, the game need not be finished for a proper review to be written. It's just my preferrence.

There has been some 'dramatic' changes in my life of late. Couldn't find a better word than 'dramatic'. The word 'unplanned' is also proper to describe the whole experience. However, these should all be taken into a positive context. Because in this case, it is a good thing that it is dramatic and unplanned.

I am rather...'shy' to disclose the matter in such a public 'space' as the internet (notice the wording of this blog, they're a bit 'formal' and contains a large number of words written between quote symbols, they're signs that I'm holding back). But I'm sure that some of you who read this blog (and most of you happen to be good acquaintance of mine, in the real world or in the virtual world), knows of this 'occurrence'.

So, probably I'm just wasting my time writing this latest entry. But I feel that I must. And I must say that I agree with Retti, that this thing can really be a writer's block. At least, at the beginning. Things will surely change in time, of course. But I'm hoping that it will be like the maturing of wine: the longer it is kept, the better the taste.

And this is also a tribute to my fellow bloggers, who share this space with me. I thank you for your support and encouraging words, and sometimes jokes about me and she-who-must-not-be-named (I read too much Harry Potter). And I look forward to more contributions. Thank you very much.

And in the end, (if you're willing to endure one more sentence), I would like to say....

I MISS YOU GUYS!!!

(p.s. BonQ, teach me how to put pictures in our entries!!)

Next Target...

2005-07-18T11:14:00.000+07:00

My next target is...

a U2 iPod Color 20 GB! Wish me luck!

P.S. I just want to put a picture here, I believe this is a first for Arie's blog (tsk, tsk)

A War To End All Wars

2005-07-11T10:03:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
War of the World
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins

Ray Ferrier is a divorced father of two children, a son named Robbie (Justin Chatwin) and a younger daughter named Rachel (Dakota Fanning). He's not exactly a family man, but he loves his children. Their mother dropped them off at his place from time to time to let them spend some time with their father. It is during one of these visits that strange things start happening and people get killed by an allien race hell-bent on conquering Earth.

Once again Steven Spielberg delivered a roller coaster of a movie. There's nothing incredible in the ways of the acting. Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, and Tim Robbins delivered an adequate acting to keep the story going, but in my opinion it's the special effect that takes center stage here in this movie. Coupled with a good cinematography that is Spielberg's trademark, this movie delivered quite a blast.

Go see this movie while it's still playing in the cinema. This goes especially to those who love special-effect movies. It won't be the same seeing it on DVD, except if you have an over-the-top sound system at home.

This movie might also be a good inspiration for a cold remedy ad.

And another thing that I feel I must quote from some of the commentators in IMDB.com: why the hell are the cameras and digicams working during the beginning of the invasion? They should be disabled!

Leap of Faith

2005-07-07T11:45:00.000+07:00

If I die today

I will strip off my fears

And take my leap of faith

To let you know

That I'm in love with you

That I've been in love with you

From the moment that

You etched your name in my memory

And should you decide

That you love me too

I will kiss you

Tasting your soul through your sweet lips

Ada Orang Jelek yang Gak Kasi Tau

2005-07-07T08:44:00.000+07:00

Ada orang jelek yang gak kasi tau

Bye Bye, Sleep Time

2005-07-05T07:40:00.000+07:00

PC Game First Impressions
Guild Wars
by NCsoft, ArenaNet

Okay, I've officially said my farewell to a dear friend: my sleep time. It has been truly a wonderful friend to me, but... SAYONARA, SUCKA! Now I've found a new, more beautiful companion: Guild Wars!

Now, what in the blazes is Guild Wars? Before I fall hard on my face because of lack of sleep, let me impart some wisdom for you PC gamers out there: buy this friggin' awesome game! Don't have a strong enough PC? Upgrade, fool!

Don't get me wrong, I don't get a single cent at all for promoting this game (even if I so wish so). When something's that good, you just gotta spread the word. Especially if I paid (almost) 50 bucks for it.

Guild Wars is a community online role-playing game for the PC platform. It's a bit veering out of the way of the traditional massively multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPGs), but the veering is good. For one, you don't have to cough 15 bucks per month for it. Might be easy to earn in the US, but not so here. It's free to play, and there are no hidden costs. Of course, like any other online games, you have to pay for your own internet fees (d'uh). So how could the company maintain its base cost? I'm no economics wizard here, I certainly can't explain it financially either. But I perceive it as some kind of mutual symbiosis. You buy their product, you play it, you like it, you buy the next chapters of their product. If something is good, then that something would most likely generate a large and loyal fanbase, and one should never underestimate the power of the fanbase! No, siree!

The second advantage that Guild Wars has over traditional MMORPGs is: it rewards the skills of the players, not the hours played. Skills here being how well you know the game mechanics and environment, and use them to your advantage, not how fast you mindlessly push certain combos of buttons (though that could help). Being someone who spends most of his time working, and thinks that using bots to farm experience and gold and loot is just amoral and plain tasteless, this game is the right one for me. I do have to spend time playing it, of course, but even if I don't play it for 24x7, I still could enjoy it with my fellow friends.

The companies that are behind this are also very supportive in handling with issues that relate to cheats and issues. When compared to one of the (very) traditional MMORPGs here, Ragnarok Online (RO), it is a very contrast picture. Almost every high-spawn maps contain a very large number of bots that kill, loot, and steal-kill without remorse. Most of the players do not know good manners and ethics, and with the introduction of currency-farming bots and over-supply of currency that could be sold and bought offline, the prices of items hike up drastically, upsetting the balance of economics, and making it almost impossible for honest players to procure something that is very good, unless he is willing to mindlessly hack and slash monsters for hours and hours. That, my friend, sucks. And it kinda disturb me that the linguistics part of RO is not done correctly, e.g. the loading screen is marred with the sentence "Tunggu sebentar yach...!!!" Jeez!

Several other pros for Guild Wars: those who love PK or PvP, could skip the leveling up process and go straight into trying owning other people's heads in specific PvP areas (such as the arena), or for those who loathe it (like me), could still enjoy the game without some bully n00b jumping you every now and then. Another one distinct advantage that kinda relates to this: explorable areas are generated party-exclusive. This mean that you would not have to worry for uber long lines to slay Monster Boss A or asshole-ific farmers, just because it drops a phat lewt. This would mean that you won't get to come across other adventurers (though NPCs are aplenty) in your party's adventure, but I'm more content with it.

Now, for the technical stuff (technicality, technicality, technicality fit ladies). The graphics are drop dead gorgeous, especially when they involve the female models of the game. But more seriously, the environment, the overall atmosphere, they're all mighty fine. The music is nothing to get too excited about, but they help create a very deep mood to play in. There is no uber-owning class and your hero can't become too powerful either. I think it's one of the objectives of the game, that you should go out and play with people and try to tackle obstacles together, rather than sulk around and try to become a sociopath. Aside from that, the balance between each class and skill is finely tuned in a rock-paper-scissors kind of way.

I've only played a handful and I know there are lots more for me waiting out there (especially adventuring with newly found friends!), so I'm gonna leave my first impression at that. So, if you too are playing Guild Wars, gimme a holler and we could pah-tay!

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

2005-07-04T11:34:00.000+07:00

Book Review

The Dark Elf Trilogy Collector's Edition

by R.A. Salvatore

This classic trilogy now adorns my personal Hall of Fame of favorite fantasy novels. The story is nothing short of amazing, and when I was reading this book, I almost always had that feeling of curiousity of what comes next after the end of each chapter.

This masterpiece tells a story of a young drow (dark elf), named Drizzt Do'Urden, from the day he was born, 'til the day that he discovered his new home. The journey in between tells about the young drow's fight against those that are wrong to his heart and his principles, a rarity in the real world these days.

The trilogy, naturally, consists of three books. The first book, Homeland, tells the story from the day that Drizzt was born. Drizzt was the third son of the House Do'Urden, a drow noble house in the drow city of Menzoberranzan. At his birth, he was to be sacrificed to Lolth, the Spider Queen, a deity to the drows. But through treachery that was common among the drows, Drizzt escaped and he grew into a young drow. As all males in the drow society were considered inferior, he, too, learned his way the hard way. He only found comfort with his trainer, Zaknafein, the number one weapon master in Menzoberranzan. As he grew older, he only found discomfort with the ways of his people, and after many events that forever marked in his life, he chose the path of exile.

The second book, Exile, tells the story of how Drizzt almost lost his sanity because of his chosen path of solitary exile in the Underdark. Only with the companion of Guenhwyvar, the magical panther that he acquired in the first book, he was able to remain sane enough. It was not until he met the svirfneblin, the deep gnomes, and in particular, Belwar Dissengulp, that he found the true meaning of friendship. The three set out to find a new home, until they later learned of the cruelty of Drizzt's own mother, Matron Malice. It was then that Drizzt decided to give up the darkness that was Underdark, and moved to the surface world.

The final book of the trilogy, Sojourn, tells the story of the journey of Drizzt, from being the castaway of both societies and the framing of murder accused upon him, to the finding of his temporary home with Mooshie in the grove in Dead Orc Pass, and his new home in Icewind Dale, with his new friends, Catti-brie, and Bruenor Battlehammer.

R.A. Salvatore has succeeded in binding his readers to the character that is Drizzt, and because of that, I wish to read more of his tales. A few more sets of books are available telling Drizzt's many adventures, and I can't hardly wait to get my hands on The Icewind Dale Trilogy Collector's Edition, and the Hunter's Blades Trilogy. Until then...

Absurdity

2005-06-29T13:14:00.000+07:00

Fact: If you haven't known already, the song "Happy Birthday To You" is copyrighted, and currently, it is partly owned by AOL/Time Warner, which helps it earn half a royalty of US$ 2 million a year.

Fuck capitalism.

Insatiable

2005-06-28T08:56:00.000+07:00

This transparent glass wall

That I've built to separate ourselves

Has helped nothing

In quenching my thirst for you

I could still ponder at your sweet glow

Smell your beautiful aroma

Listen to your infrasonic music

That draws me to you

But I could not touch you

For you are a goddess

And I am but a boy

Too scared to even try

Too afraid to face the truth

Because being realistic

Means never agreeing to the optimistic

So my wanting you

Will have to remain insatiable

Until I've nothing to lose

Or until you've set me free

And if you do

I promise I'll come back to you

Promise...

Panti-Panti

2005-06-27T07:56:00.000+07:00

“BLAM!”

Tembokku bergetar lagi.
Terdengar dengung-dengung pelan.
Ada pergulatan seru lagi di ruang sebelah. Bosan.

Ya, aku tak bisa protes. Aku bisu. Dan pincang pula.
Tapi hanya karena aku bisu bukan berarti aku tuli kan?
(Mengapa semua orang menyangka kalau kita bisu pasti kita tuli juga?)

Sungguh menyebalkan mendengarkan keributan, pertengkaran sengit, dan tak mampu berbuat apa-apa untuk menyudahinya.
Untuk mengatakan kepada kedua belah pihak ”DIAMMM!!!!! Jangan rusak pagiku!”

Entah.
Di Panti ”Krama” ini semuanya terbalik.
Yang seharusnya disebutkan sebagai pusat untuk ber”tata krama”, ternyata sama sekali tidak menjunjung tinggi apa yang dipropagandakannya.
Yang seharusnya menjadi pengelola tidak menjalankan perannya dengan baik.
Yang menjadi penyandang dana tidak mampu (atau tidak mau?) membantu membuat keputusan pelik.
Anggota Panti yang lain? Masing-masing sibuk dengan aktivitas di Panti masing-masing.

Sambil tertatih-tatih aku berjalan keluar. Bersiap-siap.
Kututup pintu Panti ”Krama” pelan-pelan.
Ya, hari ini, seperti hari-hari lainnya, aku pergi ke Panti ”Karya”.

Sepi.
Ya, di sini sepi.
Tidak seperti di Panti ”Krama”.

Saking sepinya aku sampai ketakutan sendiri.

Rekan-rekan sejawat, senasib dan sepenanggungan sudah berkeliaran.
Bunyi ketuk palu, bunyi las, bunyi roda-roda berdecit.
Ramai memang. Tapi suasana tidak hidup.
Tidak seperti seharusnya.

Rekan-rekan sudah mulai berdatangan.
Ada yang mencicit, tapi kebanyakan hanya mengangguk.
Ya, mereka senasib denganku.
Bisu.
Dan pincang.
Bahkan ada pula yang jereng.
Yang agak tidak bisu ternyata bibirnya sumbing. Jadi apa yang diomongkannya serba tidak jelas.
Iya.
Kami semua sama.
Dan Panti ”Karya” inilah yang sanggup menampung kami.

Ya, mungkin juga karena pengelolanya merasa senasib dengan kami.
Tidak, ia tidak jereng.
Tidak pula pincang.
Apalagi bisu.
Tapi ia tuli.

Entah bawaan dari lahir, atau kotoran menahun yang tidak dibersihkan dan menebal terus yang membuatnya tuli seperti itu.
Yang jelas, sehari-hari kami berkarya setengah hati.

Ya, bagaimana tidak?
Satu-satunya bahasa yang kami ketahui dan kami gunakan tidak diketahui oleh pengelola Panti.
Akibatnya, sering terjadi kesalahpahaman.
Ya, kesalahpahaman adalah nama populer di sini.

Lebih lagi karena si pengelola bukan seorang yang, ya... bisa dibilang tercerdik diantara lainnya, tapi dia menjadi pengelola karena dialah satu-satunya yang sanggup bicara.
Sayangnya, kesanggupan bicara itu tidak didukung oleh kesanggupan berpikir.

Jadi?
Klop lah.

Si Tuli Bodoh yang memimpin kaum bisu, pincang, dan jereng.

Aku kembali menekur ukiranku.
Belakangan ini ukiranku tak lagi masuk hitungan.
Sulit dijual juga, katanya.
Padahal hari-hari sebelumnya aku selalu bisa menghasilkan masterpiece demi masterpiece.
Mungkin sedang tidak produktif saja, aku selalu menghibur diriku.
Bagaimanapun juga, di saat sedang prima, aku mampu menghasilkan lebih dari 3 ukiran renik dalam seminggu! Lumayan kan?

Si Tuli Bodoh kembali menggangguku.
Dan yang lain juga tentunya.
Entah kapan kursi panas itu akan menjadi terlalu panas baginya, sampai-sampai ia tidak tahan lagi duduk di sana, dan akhirnya mau lengser.
Dan mungkin salah satu dari yang agak lumayan bisa bicara bisa segera menggantikannya.

Tapi kapan itu terjadi, entah sampai harus berapa garis keturunan hal itu terjadi.

Panti ”Krama” dan Panti ”Karya”.
Keduanya punya surga dan neraka sendiri.
Sedangkan aku?
Aku berada di tengah-tengahnya.

Entah sampai kapan.

(also published in www.ngopingopi.blogspot.com)

One

2005-06-24T08:39:00.000+07:00

One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should

One life

With each other

Sisters

Brothers

One life

But we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

One signature could make a difference in the struggle to fight global poverty and AIDS.

www.one.org

Conquer Your Fear

2005-06-22T23:18:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
Batman Begins
Directed by: Cristopher Nolan
Starring: Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Katie Holmes

I went to this movie with high expectation. Sure enough, I've been waiting for this movie ever since I first laid my eyes on the trailer. I remembered thinking "Hmm, looks like another Highlander movie" when I saw it. You know, with the mountaineous background, a monastery perched on a hillside and a swordfight on thin ice, I couldn't help but thought that. But when I saw the flying bats, a man hanging upside down wearing a bat costume saying "Here" to his confused 'prey', the title of the movie became pretty much obvious. The trailer suggested a darker, less flashier Batman.

My high expectation also came from the fact that many people gave excellent reviews for this movie in www.imdb.com. They were saying stuff like "a darker, stormier knight," "Everything one could hope for," and other high praises. I know that people could be hyping, being hyperbolic, and the like. But if there's a lot of people saying the same thing, there must be a lot of truth in it, right?

But I have to admit that my high expecation was wrong. The movie was so much better than I had expected.

Young Bruce Wayne was walking down the back alley of an opera house with his parents when suddenly a man came and pointed a gun at them, demanding their money and jewelleries. Due to one thing or another, his father and mother got shot and died at the scene. Ever since then, Bruce had been nursing his anger and wanting to exact revenge to the man who was responsible for his parents' death. Failing to avenge his parents and losing a concrete object for his anger and attention, these were instead directed to an effort in understanding the criminal underworld. He even tried to became a part of it. At one time he ended up in an Asian jail for theft. It was here that a man named Ducard found out about him, and recruited him into a society called The League of Shadow. It was here that Bruce Wayne received his early training to become what he is destined to become. Later on Bruce Wayne would return to his native city of Gotham and begin his effort in restoring order to the crime-ridden city.

One of the outstanding things about this movie is how believable the story is. I must agree with the people who said that everything in this movie could really be explained. Everything that happens; the symbol, the car, the suit, the cape, the dark knight himself, they all have their own reasons. And they are quite believable. In all, Bruce Wayne's transformation from just a kid millionaire inheriting his parents' fortune to a dark knight is pretty much convincing. And, as could be hinted from the title of this review, the overall theme of the story is fear. This movie is about how Bruce Wayne conquered his fear and became, in Ducard's own words, "something else entirely."

And what is more outstanding is that how human the story is. Every character in this movie is very much real. Each has his or her own vulnerabilities. Emotions are pretty much real. And the spotlight, of course, is on Bruce Wayne pretty much for the entire movie. This movie shows a character who is both a real person and also a legend in the making. But this doesn't mean that the other supporting casts didn't do their job well enough in presenting the story.

Christian Bale fits the dual role very well. He was convincing as the playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne, and he was also convincing as the dark knight. Alfred the butler (played by Michael Caine) provided the paternal, caring figure and also some moments of humour during the movie. He was also the one who reminded Bruce of his inheritance and the trusted person to whom Bruce could fall back to. Rachel Dawes (played by Katie Holmes) provided the love interest of the story, and is also one of the key character that keeps the story going. Lucius Fox (played by Morgan Freeman) is the man responsible in providing the gadgets for the dark knight. Ducard (played by Liam Neeson) filled the role of the authoritative tutor for Bruce Wayne, the man who helped the young knight focus his anger and attention. Sergeant Gordon (played by Gary Oldman) played the role of one of the few remaining good cop in the city. His relation with the dark knight begins awkwardly, but towards the end they will have developed a mutual trust for each other. Cillian Murphy as the scarecrow/Dr. Crane was quite creepy, and Tom Wilkinson as Falcone was quite convincing in his role as the mafia head of the criminal underworld. Last but not least, Ken Watanabe's brief role as Ra's Al Gul also deserves mention.

All in all, Cristopher Nolan has assembled a great cast, actors and actresses who played their roles splendidly and successfully, delivering a satisfying and convincing story to the silver screen.

The soundtrack is also of high quality. It successfully created the right mood for each scenes, and it also helped create tension during many of the action scenes. It fits perfectly with the theme of the movie, which is about fear. Even though this movie is not a thriller, but some of the soundtrack did make some peoplealmost jumped in their seats (that would also include me).

Another point worth mentioning is about the 'moments'. You know, those moments when you just sit there and muttered to yourself, "This is so cool." I had many of those. One of them is when Bruce and Lucius were trying out the prototype bat mobile. Another one was when Batman called in his 'reinforcement'. I don't want to spoil this, so reader should see it for themselves. And you should see the 'fear effects'. Way cool.

The only thing that I was a bit disappointed is that the fight scenes' cinematography was not quite exciting. But this is probably due to Nolan's intention of implementing the whole idea of fear. You don't really get to see a 'thug' get beaten up; one minute he was there and suddenly he's gone. Nolan put some thriller movie element in this. But even this is only a minor thing. The movie still blew me away.

To compare this to Tim Burton's Batman, I could only say that both are excellent in their own ways. Burton is Burton, and he has his own style. I like many of his movies. But when it comes to this, I prefer Nolan's. Because his approach is so fresh, so believable, so real. If you really want to see the dark knight's human side, you couldn't get a better view than this.

Lastly, I would like to once again quote Ducard:
"If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely."

I just love good quotes. And what's more, I love good movies. Go see this movie. You will regret it if you don't. It may not get movie of the year, but it won my heart.

Defence of the Ancients - AllStars

2005-06-22T10:08:00.000+07:00

Somehow I always feel like I discovered most of the good things in my life when it was already past its prime time, but it's better late than never, right?

Anyhoo, am going to blab some about this new Warcraft III - The Frozen Throne multiplayer map that I recently got. It's called Defence of the Ancients (DotA), the AllStars version (henceforth will be called AllStars). There are quite a number of versions, notably Elu's and Classic versions, but arguably, the most popular is the AllStars version.

The basic objective of the game is simple, destroy the other side's most important structure. In the Sentinel's side's case, it's the World Tree, and in the Scourge's side's case, it's the Frozen Throne. The catch is, you only get to play a single hero instead of an army, which you could select from quite a bunch of selection. This hero, in turn, will be able to level himself up (a la RPG) and buy lots of cool, upgradeable items. While this in itself might be plenty o' fun, what's more fun is when you go head-to-head with one or more enemy heroes (alongside your friendly heroes, if any). The feel when you're battling using your wits and skills, and the thrill of chasing them off in a hunt, is just... OWNING!!! (borrowing the map's term).

Anyways, if you're into multiplayer games to cruise your time by with your homies, check it out (warning: might be addictive). Now, back to playing... I mean, work.

Just Trying Out

2005-06-21T12:49:00.000+07:00

I just found out from a friend that we could actually post blogs by sending them through e-mail. So, this one is a try-out to see whether it'll work. Here we go...

--
My life is my religion. Not the other way around
-Arie Andika Setiawan-

Stormy Night

2005-06-20T22:46:00.000+07:00

It was raining hard, the wind was blowing strong. Raindrops were drumming on the glass windows, high at the top of the building. The man was staring out, gazing, trying to see clearly through all the madness of the storm. He had his hands inside the pocket, like he always did whenever he was in deep reverie. His posture was relaxed, but there was no mistaking the slightly worried look in his eyes.

He pressed a hand on the glass window. It was cold to the touch. The room was dark, occasionally lit by flashes of thunder. The occasional shadow on his face made him look as if he was crying. It was only the water running down the window outside, lit up by thunder, projecting tears on his face. It was calm inside the room, but the weather spoke for the man's feeling.

He closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the beating of the rain. He opened them again, hoping that things were different by then. The storm, however, continued. He could only hoped that the storm would not last the night. For he was lost. He was dying. And he felt as if the storm was blocking his view, hiding the truth. Hiding the answer. Obscuring his salvation, his way out.

He could not run away from it. From Death. It greeted him in every waking moment, visiting him in his every dreams. It sang songs through the howling wind of the storm. Songs of his coming, inevitable demise. The end was near.

There is no use, it said, holding to the past. Let it go, it whispered, let your life go. There is no more use this old life has to offer you, Death would be a sweet release for you, It seduced. Let your hands go, relax your grip, take my hands, It offered.

I will not, whispered the man. There was hardness in his eyes. I could not let it go, he hissed. His hands gripped the fabric inside his pockets hard.

What is left there besides broken hearts, It asked.What lay there except for shattered dreams, It queried. To stay any longer will only bring you oblivion. Emptiness. Realize that I am your only True Salvation. Embrace me with all your heart, accept me, and all will be well...

...and the storm died. The clouds parted. The stars shone shyly. And it was calm. The man relaxed. The storm had ended. It was clear.

Cold hands touched his shoulder. Cold as Death. It whispered softly in his ear, you will find peace. Submit, and the pain will be no more. The man closed his eyes. Cold hands caressed his neck...

...and peace came.

Morning never looked so bright.

I Like to Move It, Move It

2005-06-20T10:01:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
Madagascar
Directed by: Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath

Marty the Zebra (voiced by Chris Rock) lives in a zoo in New York (Central Park Zoo). His dreams of going back to the wild will soon bring trouble to his friends Alex the lion (voiced by Ben Stiller), Melman the giraffe (voiced by David Schwimmer), and Gloria the hippo (voiced by Jada Pinkett-Smith), who are content with their 'city lifestyle' in Central Park. Soon enough they will find themselves stranded on an unknown island, tyring to adapt themselves to 'the wild'.

Madagascar is a fun and wild ride, typical summer movie, but it's entertaining enough. There's nothing out of the ordinary with the CG designs, except that they're rather boxy. And like Shark Tale, the movie is very colorful. The story itself is entertaining enough, and the characters are hillarous and funny. Marty and Alex occupy the story most of the time, while Gloria plays the occasional peace-maker and Melman provides the comic relief. The jokes are okay, nothing out of the ordinary, but they're good enough for entertainment.

One caution though: Ali G's song is stuck in my head. It might get stuck inside yours too. So don't be too freaked out if you started humming "I like to move it, move it..." inside the showers. This movie is quite a riot.

To Buy or Not to Buy...

2005-06-19T20:54:00.000+07:00

...an XBOX. Damn it, I know that within a year next generation consoles are coming out. I know that I need to save up a bit, money ain't comin' down like rain from heavens above. And I know that most of XBOX games are coming out for or already been ported to the PC. And I know that one of my PC is decent enough to play these games. All it needs is a little tweaking out and everything will work out just fine.

But still, the temptation was strong enough. It was hard enough to put a restrain on myself from buying one straight away this weekend. I was walking around Mangga Dua on Saturday (that heaven-sent place for cheap electronics, if you know how to find 'em and haggle with merchants), and I asked around about the price of an XBOX. The best deal I could get was Rp. 2 million. You get a hard-disk capacity of 10 GB, 2 controllers and 15 free games. No, I didn't shell out my money right there and then. I was still thinking whether I would really buy one.

I was about to go back to that place of many copyright abuse if my mother did not ask me to accompany her to Taman Anggrek. Most of the time there I spent thinking about squeezing some time to go to Mangga Dua in the late afternoon (stores close at 5, so time is of the essence), but when we got home, I was already tired and I was still undecided.

There are several high-profile games for the XBOX. And software is what defines a console. But many of these games are also available for the PS2 (a console that I already own) and PC (one that I need to tweak a bit, but a bit reluctant to do remembering my somewhat limited ability in tweaking hardwares inside a CPU box). And there are still a lot of good PS2 games that I haven't finished playing. So, I shouldn't be bored.

It is true that XBOX has a better hardware performance than the PS2. And the graphics there is about 1.5 to 2 times better than the PS2. But most of the time, it's not graphic that matters. It's gameplay. And I could find many kinds of gameplay on the PS2 alone.

So, as I was playing Prince of Persia 2: Warrior Within (which is quite an enjoyable and challenging game, eventhough its predecessor is still a little bit better), I think back and try to understand why I started thinking about buying an XBOX in the first place. If it was to get rid of boredom, it's just stupid since there are better things to do than just buy more games. And, once again, I still have a lot of games I haven't finished playing on the PS2.

So, I guess in the end, the problem is not about to buy, or not to buy, an XBOX. I've been quite generous with the use of my money ever since I got myself a job and a steady monthly income (this desire to buy an XBOX is a manifestation of this problem). But the problem is not about what I do with my money. If I let this keep going on I'll be too comfortable with my daily job that I won't develop anything new anymore. No new stuff to learn about, no new experiences to...umm...experience (can't find a better word for it). And I would end up thinking that buying stuff makes me happy. In a way, they do. But that's not the point.

I gotta find something new. And I know for sure it ain't in game consoles.

In any case, if Rp. 2 million is only a hundredth of all the money I have, I wouldn't think about it like this. But still, by that time I may be one of those people who think about getting more money (I could feel the tendency within me: I could really be a spendthrift). Which is, in my humble opinion, is not the point of life.

And, please don't beat me up if the next entry is about how happy I am with a new, shiny XBOX. I'm only human anyways ha ha ha.

2005-06-16T16:17:00.000+07:00

my head and VB.NET

I've got headache since this morning... And it is killing me.. The situation is not very kind also.. I'm stuck in a 'training'.. Very boring and quite anoying.. Anoying ? yeps.. I must require to install VB.net.. And it's bloody very long... I've been like trying to install since like 4 hours ago.. And it still not finished yet... It drives me crazy...:((
Well then, talk about training. Actually, the first three days is quite fun.. But maybe now I already get my 'boring' point.. Huehehehehe... I miss travelling very much.. But, as I already told Arie.. I'm not that kinda.. 'back pack' travelling things.. Damn.. my head is still hurt !!!
Well, another things that I lately feel.. I got this emotion that is like roller coaster !!.. I feel sad, angry, annoyed, excited and it is like in the same time. Right now, I just want to scream to my head, and tell to stop for what the f*** is happen there.. It keep banging.. and it just like when you drilling something... Yeah, that is my head 'situation' now... Oh GOD !! it still hurts !!!!! and the VB.net is still not install yet... Huh... what a day...:(

Father and Son Meeting

2005-06-16T15:43:00.000+07:00

"So, Dad, how have you been?"
"Oh, I've been great! Been doing lots of things, got lots of work at the office."
"That's nice to hear."
"You should have told me you wanted to go to Taiwan. I would have brought you along."
"Well, I found out about it a bit late, so it's kinda hard to arrange the visa and stuff."
"I see. So, where do you want to eat?"
"I don't know Dad, where do you want to eat?"
"Anywhere, just choose a place."
"Oh well, all I know is Cavana. The food's okay. You wanna go there?"
"Sure, why not."

"So, how was the trip?"
"Well, I didn't really wanna go, but if I didn't go, things might get awry."
"Why not?"
"I got stuff to do. Business been quite busy lately. Son, you should have told me you wanna come along."
"Well, like I told you, I knew about it a bit late, so there wasn't enough time to take care of the paperworks. But it's okay, I heard all the family members will be going there again 2 years from now, to celebrate grandad's sister's 90th birthday, right?"
"Yeah, all the family members will be going there 2 years from now."
"Then I'll be going 2 years from now."
"That's good. You know about your grandfather, right?"
"Well, sort of. I only heard bits. All I know is that he's a sort of national hero."
"Yeah. Your grandfather is a smart and brave man. He's made proposals for Taiwan's independence. Your uncle Lam, his name came from the Taiwanese 'Tong Nam', meaning South East, it was the theme of one of his proposals, the one he sent to countries in South East Asia."
"I see. Yes, I want to find out about him. He sounds interesting."
"I went there 'cause I like traveling too."
"Same here. I wanted to go there because I want to know about grandad, and I also want to travel once in a while."
"Ever been there before?"
"Once, but it was a long time ago. I didn't know you or anything about the family back then."

"Here's a bit something for you."
"Dad, you shouldn't. I've enough."
"No, that's okay. Keep it safe, okay. There's 2000 dollars in that envelope."
"Dad, 2000 dollars..."
"I still have more coming for you. At least till you'll be able to buy your own car."
"...wow."
"I also have some deposits for Wanda."
"How is Wanda?"
"She's okay. She's been doing well in college."
"She's in Jogja, right?"
"Yes, I think it's her second year now."
"You still keep in touch with her?"
"Yes, of course."
"How about Tante Nona? You still keep in touch with her?"
"...nah, no. Well, at least your sister understand better now. Separation is to be blamed on both persons. But, it should not involve the child."
"Yeah, I guess so."

"I heard Yati's sick."
"Yes. She got cancer. I think all we can do is wait until the time comes."
"Poor her! She's very nice to me, you know. She told me stories whenever I called to your house, everything that's been happening. She's nice."
"Yes, I know."
"Rie, here's something for her. Please give it to her. Tell her it's from me."
"Will do, Dad."

"How's your mother?"
"Mom's fine. As she always is."
"She still practicing at home?"
"As always, Dad. As always."
"And how's your father?"
"He's fine. Still teaching, as he always does. Still waiting for his professor title."
"He's very diligent, isn't he."
"Yes, he is."
"How is your brother?"
"He's in his last year of college, doing his final assignment. He's been very busy, being head of the student congress in Trisakti."
"He's into organization?"
"Very much, he's got a lot of interest in it. Father's got his hands in it also. He's been talking with him about organizational matters. I think that's why Dede's interested in it."
"Good for him, then."
"I hope so."

"Contact me whenever you have the time, okay."
"Of course, Dad. You too."
"And call your grandma from time to time, okay?"
"Will do, Dad. Will do."

"Dad, 2000 dollars is a lot of money. You sure you could afford this?"
"Hey, don't worry okay. I still have more in store for you later."
"Okay...
Alright, Dad, you take care okay."
"Okay. Oh yeah, if you wanna go to Taiwan, let me know okay?"
"I will."

Je ne veux pas travailler

2005-06-16T13:13:00.000+07:00

It's funny how some people turn into music, to find a song or two that fit the way they are feeling right now. I mean, I do that. I even put a part of the lyrics that best suits my mood as my messenger status, so everyone that knows the song and knows me, could click into me. And doing that makes me feel a little better.

But what if there are no songs that could speak up for me? One that I could really sink myself into and still be able to sing it loudly and so freely? Perhaps I should start writing my own songs.

Let's see if I could spontaneously spill my thoughts here... I've no rhythm or anything for it, yet, but here goes:

It always feels
Like I'm walking in the middle of a road
One traffic goes north
And the other goes south

I can't flip a coin
To let fate decide which side it would land
And I can't take a step
And I have no excuse for that

I'm just a wanderer
With great destinations in mind
But I've chained myself to the ground
And the ground is too heavy for me to lift

Would you be so kind to help me
Release me from this dead weight
Stab my heart and let it reincarnate
Or grab it and fuse it with yours

'Cos I can't fly when my wings are nailed
And time won't heal this wound
Only you, or I, could end this suffering
So would you be so kind to help me
Please

Introducing: The New & Improved Blubbermaster 9000

2005-06-16T10:04:00.000+07:00

Bow down and bow low, 'cos Bonksmeister is in da house! Yea, wave yo hands in the air like y'don' care (you probably don't)!

Monsieur Arie here has been kind enough (under the emphasis of the business end of my katana sword) to allow yours truly to write my insane babbles here, so... put your ear muffs on, hold on to your pants, and get reading... later... when I'm not too busy...

Cheers!

A Walk In The Park: Gotham City

2005-06-15T10:16:00.000+07:00

Game Review
Batman Begins
Publisher: EA Games/Warner Bros. IE
Developer: Eurocom Entertainment Software

Batman Begins, the game, is based on the upcoming Batman Begins movie. As a game, it borrows a lot from other games' mechanic. It borrows Metal Gear and Splinter Cell's 'sneaking-quietly-behind-an-enemny' mechanic, Metal Gear's Soliton Radar (showing the enemy's field-of-vision cones) and Burnout's engine (during the racing/chase gameplay with the prototype Batmobile).

Most of the time during the course of the game, what you have to do is sneak around a group of enemy (no, you can't go at 'em head-on, since some usually carry guns, and this time around the bat armor is not bulletproof), try to find some means to scare the enemy so that they drop their guns in panic, and then you go head-on, fist-to-fist, with 'em. These means of scaring are sometimes within plain view, and sometimes you have to sneak around so that your batarang/grapling hook will be within reach. And most of the time, when you find a group of thugs and some of 'em are carrying guns, you could bet that the game developer has created some means of scaring them off around the area. All you have to do is look around, walk around, and a pointer will show up to guide you to these means (these pointer points to doors, ventilation shafts, grappling points, objects that you could smash by throwing the batarang, etc.).

Usually, to scare them off, you could blow things up, make things drop, make a lot of noise. And if you succeed, the thugs will drop their guns in panic and a fear meter will go up, making it easier for you to beat the hell outta 'em. Also, a reputation meter will go up whenever you succeeded in scaring them. Depending on the scenario, usually one of these thugs (the last one standing, most of the time), has some crucial information for the continuation of the scenario. You have to grab him (no, you couldn't go fist-to-fist with 'em, the game won't allow you) and 'interrogate' him. These information are usually codes, passwords, or other specific information.

These things are broken up with occasional lock-pickings (the mechanism is so simple) and hacking (ditto). Aside from that, this one is a very simple stealth-action game. A sort of watered-down Splinter Cell, coupled with some fancy jumping and gliding mechanism (with the cape, of course). There are some cool moments in the game, such as when you are hanging on a pipe or at a grappling point, and an enemy is right below you, you could 'finish' him off by pushing the circle button (a context-specific button) and you will rappel upside down a-la spiderman, behind the enemy, grabs him and pulls him up and beat the crap outta him. Another added bonus to the reputation meter.

The graphic is quite good. It tries hard to imitate Splinter Cell's graphic engine. There are lots of dramatic lighting in the game. It's too bad that that's not the case for our Caped Crusader's shadow. The shadow doesn't follow the lighting. It shows where it's not supposed to show, sometimes even AGAINST the source of the light. Like, when the light's coming from left, the shadow's supposed to be on the right side of Batman, right? But noooo, it shows on his LEFT side, towards the light. I guess they didn't work too hard on the shadowing. But really, great job on the lighting and the characters' models (which is based on the actors and actress of the movie). They even lend their voice talent for the game.

So, yeah, it's a good game. I would give it a rating of between 7.5 and 8. The only bad thing about it is that it has quite a spoiler. So for those who has not seen the movie (I'm one of 'em), don't even think about playing this game before you've seen the movie. It could really spoil the movie for you. Rent this game if you like. It's a worthy rental. Don't buy it though. It's not worth your money. If you want real stealth action, go get Metal Gear Solid or Splinter Cell. And if you want real arcade driving, go get Burnout 3. They're much better games. I'm not saying this Batman Begins game is bad, it's not. It's actually a fun 5-hour game. Did I say 5 hour? Yes, it's short. But it was fun, alright. And it successfully implemented various game mechanics into it. Which work quite well for the overall game.

Oh, please...

2005-06-13T15:56:00.000+07:00

They tried to rob me...twice!!

Impossible Odds

2005-06-13T13:21:00.000+07:00

Book Review
Impossible Odds (A Tale of the King's Blades)
by Dave Duncan

"Serve or Die!", the ward exclaimed before plunging the sword into the man's heart. And so a Blade's life in service begins. Sticking a sword into a Blade's heart is the ritual to bind a Blade to his ward for life. Blades have heightened senses, a sort of sixth sense that help them protect their ward, and they rarely sleep. And should a ward dies of a violent or unnatural death, the Blade (or Blades, since a ward can have more than one Blade) will go out of his mind. It is a rare thing for a Blade whose ward dies violently to recover from the insanity.

Dave Duncan's fifth entry in his 'A Tale of the King's Blades' series is another fun, page-turning adventure. Here we find Ringwood and Ranter, two young and 'green' Blades, bound to a Duke of a faraway fiefdom, who has been in exile for a time and is chased by assassins employed by the Duke's usurper. These Blades are a gift to him from the king of Chivial. A small gift, but valuable nonetheless. Ironhall's dropout Bellman and an ex-White Sister Trudy also joins the adventure, Bellman with his gift of wits and Trudy with her ability to detect lies.

For those who love fantasy, as well as entertaining storylines, they should go and check out this book. For a background, check out 'The Gilded Chain', the first entry in the series.

A (Soon-to-be) New Hobby

2005-06-06T22:13:00.000+07:00

Weekends for some people are time to meet friends and do things that due to one thing or another can not be done during the normal week days. For some, it's time to rest up and re-charge for the coming week. And to many others, it's both.

It is also both for me. But since lately I couldn't seem to 'push the off button' during weekends, I decided to make full use of the time the last weekend had provided me. On Sunday, in particular, I decided to pursue a hobby that I've been interested in for quite some time: Gundam kit.

I have been reluctant in starting this hobby since it needs quite an investment to start it. For one, it's time consuming. You have to be able to dedicate some time to work with the kit. And it consumes my bank account really fast. I spent more than half a million in buying all the needed equipment and supplies.

I spent most of Sunday afternoon and evening at an acquaintance's place. He owns a store selling all Gundam-related kits, equipments and supplies. He taught me the basics of plastic kit constructing and the basic of using an airbrush in painting the plastic kit. All in all, it was quite a pleasant new experience. I was learning new things, and new things are always interesting.

The kit is not finished yet, but I think that within 2 weeks I'd be able to finish it. Can't wait. And I don't know whether I'll be sticking to this new hobby, but it looks quite promising (though a bit threatening on the bank account department).

Watchout!! Pickpockets!!

2005-06-01T15:03:00.000+07:00

Daily living in Jakarta is no easy matter. The old saying 'It's a jungle out there' applies to this capital city of Indonesia. One must always be alert to one's surrounding whenever one braves the streets of Jakarta. Those who are used to commute with various public transportation and walk the sidewalks of Jakarta could attest to this. Various hazards await, such as thievery, pickpocketing, robbery, buses that never stop at their predetermined bus stops, picket lines, riots, protests, kidnappings, extortions, hypnotism (another popular form of thievery on the streets and in public transportations in Jakarta), car crashes, accidents (AND fake accidents to extort owners of various automobiles), presidency (and various higher-up government people) motorcades, bombs, and of course, air polutions. In short, living in Jakarta is close to living near a warzone.

Of course I'm just dramatizing. It's the purpose of this writing. And in any case, there's a lot of truth in that.

So, in the spirit of helping the good citizens of Jakarta (the nice people, mind you, not the bad people that tried to rob me this morning...aha!) to cope with daily living on the streets of this buzzling city, I would like to give some descriptions of two pickpocketing techniques that I've encountered (and managed to survive) so far.

The first one is (drum roll): "Excuse me sir, you've dropped your lighter" trick.

Bio:
Places to watchout for:
bus stops, under the stairs of crossing bridges (on the sidewalks), under the stairs/walkway to busway crossing bridges, and other places where public transportations usually stop and drop passengers off.

Number of culprits:
usually 3 to 4 people

Descriptions of targets:
males, wearing loose formal pants, most likely right-handed malesGeneral descriptions of culprits : nondescript t-shirts and jeans, dark-skinned (probably due to staying in the sun for long periods of time), sometimes they wear hats (to conceal their eyes), and very good at pretending to look the other way or having blank expressions, standing and pretending to wait for something, wearing nondescript shoes/sandals, looking pretty much gruff (but could be nervous and sweaty when caught or failed in nabbing their targets)

Standard Operating Procedure:
So this is where it gets interesting. Their targets are people walking on the sidewalks, usually people from the male side of the human species who just got off from a crossing bridge or a busway bridge. They spot their targets from afar and ready themselves to do their 'trick'. one or two of them stand/crouch at the left side of the sidewalk (or the crossing bridge stairways) while the other one or two stand/crouch on the right side of the sidewalk. When a target comes into the space between them, the ones on the left side of the target (why left, you asked? You will understand later) will suddenly stand up and grab the left side of the target's pants (the target's left leg) and start shaking the pants. Sometimes they will say "excuse me sir, you've dropped your lighter". This will, of course, attract the attention of the target to the left side of his lower body. While attracted, the other one or two will search the right backpocket of the target and fish out the target's belongings (wallets, cellphones, or other expensive belongings). Now, I will explain why they attract the target's attention to the left side. I assume that most people are right-handed. And I assume that right handed people usually put their wallet in the rightside pockets of their pants (either front or back). This is why these tricksters attract the target's attention to the left side so another one or two could work on the target's right side. I don't know what will happen next after they succeed getting the target's belongings (since I've managed to survive two attempts of this trick), but I imagine that they will either run, hide, switch the prizes between them and run away again, confusing the target in deciding who he/she will run after.

The second one is (drum roll again): "This train is so crowded!" trick

Bio:
Places to watchout for :
train stations and inside a car (train car, that is)

Number of culprits:
at least 4 people

Descriptions of targets:
males, wearing loose formal pants, don't have to be right-handed/left-handed

General descriptions:
see "Excuse me sir, you've dropped your lighter" trick bio

Standard Operating Procedure:
Targets are males about to go on board a train, most likely on the Jakarta Kota - Bogor line. As always, these culprits spot their targets from afar. When a train arrives, two of them get themselves in front of the target and board the train. The other two get themselves behind the target. Those in front will pretend to be having trouble getting inside the car, making the target think that the train is crowded (while it probably isn't). With this 4-people formation, the target is caught in the middle, innocently thinking that the train is crowded, while the 2 people behind start searching the target's pockets for valuable belongings (wallets, cellphones, etc.). After awhile, the two people in front of the target will 'release' the target and the two people behind will try to mingle among the crowd inside the train car. By the time the target realizes that his belongings are gone it will already be too late.

I hope that these two descriptions I have above will help readers to be more cautious toward these kinds of tricks. But I will elaborate more on tips and tricks on how to see them coming. Here I go:

1. Always be alert to your surrounding.
I know daily routine bores the hell out of anyone. And there are times when we couldn't help but be immersed in other matters while commuting, just to get rid of the boredom (or maybe just plain daydreaming). But try to bring yourself to an alert state once in awhile (it would be better if you're alert all the time, though, but that's all up to you...it's your mind anyway). The theme of both tricks above is 'distraction'. And the less alert you are, the easier for them to distract your attention. Try to pay special attention to the people around you. Watch out for those who act strangely. I know this is subjective, since different people have different ideas of what 'strange' is. Just follow your gut instinct. It's a jungle out there and instincts work best.

2. Pay special attention to your valuable belongings.
Put them in your bag (if you have a backpack, that's better). Or if you don't, put them in the front pockets of your pants and if you like, put your hands inside your pocket. That will make it harder for them to search your front pockets. Can't say anything for the ladies though (since these tricks are mostly aimed toward male). Just hold on tight to your hand bags, ladies. That's all I could say.

3. Raise your voice.
Don't be afraid, scream if you need help. Some people are too taken aback that they forget they have a weapon: their mouths. Use it to scream for help. Or even better, use it to throw some obscene words toward the culprits. In my experience, this tactic works best to throw them off guard. They are not expecting you to be brave and fight back (even if you're only swearing). The ruckuss will draw attention from other people on the streets, and most of these people hate pickpockets. Sometimes, being caught while pickpocketing is fast way to a certain death (usually by being beaten to pulp). This tactic works best when the surrounding area is full of people. I tried shouting "Don't f***in' mess with me!" toward some culprits unfortunate enough to pick me up as a target and it elicited nervous glances and sweats...from the culprits. Shouting "thieves!" may scare them off too, but the most important thing is pay attention to your belongings, always. Because these are the things you're trying to protect.

There you go. These are the things I could offer the reader for now. I have been lucky enough to survive several pickpocketing attempts. I may not be so lucky again in the future, especially if these culprits come up with new and better techniques. But for those who are unfortunate, don't worry. Be comforted by the fact that at least it's only your wallet or cellphone and not your life you lost. Like I've said, it's a jungle out there.

What Do You Call A Dead Dog and An Autist?

2005-05-30T09:30:00.000+07:00

Book review
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
by Mark Haddon

Right after I finished reading this book, I felt that there was nothing special about it. It felt like a not-so-simple journal, written by a 15-year-old autistic named Cristopher. He is the main character in the book, and the only person whose point of view the reader is looking through. In it he described the world through as he sees it through his eyes, and often he describes it in pictures and drawings instead of words. Personally, I think that a novel that uses a lot of pictures as means to describe things are not such a good novel. Then again, this is a journal of an autistic boy. So, maybe I should make an exception in this case.

Christopher is a simple-minded 15-year-old. Simple, maybe because he's an autistic (and I'm not). He doesn't like the colors brown and yellow. He loves mathematics and physics, and he always tries to deconstruct life into mathematical and physical law. And Christopher loves animals. So, when on one night he found Wellington, a neighbour's dog, dead, impaled by a pitch-fork, he decided to use his logical skill to play detective and try to find out who killed it (driven by his love of puzzles and of Sherlock Holmes). Playing a detective for an autistic is not an easy task, as this book will show readers. Some of the problems Cristopher will face are facing strangers, deciphering emotions, and handling an overload of information. Things that most normal humans are adept to, but a struggle for autistics to do in their lives (at least that's what I think and what I've heard, since I'm not an autistic).

As a book, at first I find that there's nothing extraordinary in matters concerning complexity in writing technique. There's a lot of details alright, since the character Cristopher likes to put many little details into his 'journal'. And the descriptions are nothing out of the ordinary. This is okay, even though I find that many of these details and descriptions aren't necessary to the storyline. But later I think that that's not the point, since Haddon's point seems to be about trying to present a world view from an autistic's eyes and mind. And this is where he succeeded.

As I've mentioned before, Cristopher's point of view is quite simple and logical. He believes that life could be represented by mathematical and physical equations. The character is not very good at describing emotions, subtlety and nuances, matters that could not be symbolized by equations and logics. Even though Cristopher could not grasp these, the readers however, can. And this is the hidden treasure, the true power of the book (and my early frustration with the character when I started reading the book). It is not the things that are being said by Cristopher that will intrigue the readers, it is the things that are unsaid. It is the things that Cristopher fails to grasp that the readers will appreciate. The stuff where the readers have to read between the lines.

By the end of this book, readers will find that there's more to this book than just finding a dead dog in the middle of the night. And with this, I would like to correct my comment about finding this book to be nothing special. For those who would like to find out about how an autistic sees the world, read this book. You will appreciate them more. As I have.

It's High

2005-05-25T15:32:00.000+07:00

"On A High" by Duncan Sheik

I'm on a high, I'm on a high
there's nothing more to it.
We are the sea and the sky
and the blue that runs through it, yeah.

and there are some who say there are so many things I need
so I run or I fight and I crawl or I scream and I bleed
I bleed, I bleed

well, it's a lie it's a lie - don't you believe it.
if you're fine then you're fine - it's all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.

I'm on a high I'm on a high
and there's nothing more to it
I have the sun, it's a star
why should I refuse it

and there are so many reasons I could give you why I should be down
there's not enough money or time and my love you're not around
around, around

but it's a lie it's a lie - don't you believe it.
if you're fine then you're fine - it's all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.

you're alive you're alive - how else could you hear me?
you are fine, you are fine - there's nothing worth fearing
'cause there never will be no conspiracy of happiness

I'm on a high, on a high
we are the sea and the sky
I'm on a high, on a high
I'm on a high

It's a lie, It's a lie don't you believe it
'Cause I've tried and I've tried, and I can't really see it
Yeah, I'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
said I was yours, you were mine but I didn't really mean it
and I lied and I lied
and I wish you hadn't seen it
'cause I'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
I'm on a high, on a high, there's nothing more to it, yeah.

I so agree with this song...

Star Wars, Sobered Up

2005-05-20T07:56:00.000+07:00

Movie Review (2nd attempt)
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Directed by George Lucas
Starring Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid

Okay, this time I'll do this review seriously.

GO AND WATCH THIS MOVIE!!

Sorry, can't help myself.

Making a review for this movie is like telling a journey. And to tell the journey, one must look from the beginning. Which is what I'm about to do.

I still remember back in my early days when I was only 9 or 10. Whenever I saw a Star Wars movie I was confused, trying hard to understand the story. But all I know is that the special effects were great for their time. Later I would watch and re-watch the movies again (episode IV, V, and VI), trying to appreciate the special effect, the storyline, the characters, the acting. I've watched the re-released episode IV, V, and VI (with the updated special effects in several scenes). And having a close circle of friends who adore Star Wars, I couldn't help but to become quite a fan myself. Not a fanatic, but I know enough to appreciate why some people become fanatics. I read novels and played games which background rest in the Star Wars universe. Star Wars has become one of the things me and my close circle of friends talk about. It's become part of our culture, our values, our language. And yes, of course we make jokes of Darth Vader breathing noise.

Back then, in the original trilogy, the acting was quite good, but what really stand out were the special effects.Nowadays, special effects are something common in movies. With the advent of high-quality CGI, even an actor's performance and appearance on screen can be manipulated with highly-detailed computer imageries, making these artificial addition lifelike and believable. CGI's in, it's trendy, and almost wannabe blockbuster movie makers want it in their movies. It's as if people in the film industry is beginning to forget that the story and acting are what matters most.

I was excited when I heard that Episode I was coming out. It was quite an event, knowing that Lucas was trying to bring back the magic that is Star Wars, trying to bring the original trilogy to a completion by telling the story of how it all began. I was full of anticipation, and after watching Phantom Menace, all I could say is that it was okay. The CGI was of today's standard, which was quite good, but I felt that the story was geared toward a younger audience. And the acting was, well, almost non-existent. But it was good to see the little kid, the one who's eventually become one of the most unforgettable character, a character that in my opinion symbolizes man's never ending struggle with 'good and evil', man's fall from grace. As Yoda said himself, 'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.' And so, the tale began.

Episode I was quite a disappointment to many people. Some even didn't want to admit that it ever happened, that somehow it was only a nightmare, that the first trilogy still exists but somehow Lucas' take on Episode I was only a mist soon to be blown by the wind. I myself was stuck in a love-hate relationship with the first episode. But I know that the story has got to be told, how the seed of 'good and evil' was planted into a child full of potential. It was a beginning, a bad-acted, poorly-directed one, but it was a beginning.

Episode II was better. Not by much, but it was better. Better in CGI and a little better in the story department. However, the acting was still quite non-existent. The romance between Anakin and Padme was badly acted, and that Jar-Jar character was still around (though he didn't say much). However, Ian McDiarmid, playing as Chancellor Palpatine, provided some quality acting. Well, the story must go on, and at least we got to see Yoda kick some ass.

Now comes Episode III. It turns out that in my current office, there are lots of Star Wars fans, and we couldn't help but get ourselves some tickets for the day the movie was released worldwide on May 19th. Many people here were excited during the wait before the cinema door was opened. Some of them even wore Jedi robe and carry glowing lightsabers in their hands. Me and a friend couldn't help but became very jealous of one guy wearing a Jedi robe carrying the best looking lightsaber in the crowd. We even plotted to take him out and grab his lightsaber after the movie. Take that, Jedi!

I've become excited again...breath in, breath out...

Episode III is way better than the previous two. In everything: CGI, story, and acting. CGI still manage to take the breath out of the audience, especially during the first space battle scene. I will not deliberate in the CGI department, since knowing that Lucas is behind all this, its quality is unquestionable. But what will really stands out is the process of how Anakin Skywalker turns to the Dark Side of the Force. This movie is all about the how and why a man falls from grace. And it is told in grace. And finally, some real and believable acting. Ian McDiarmid once again delivers a graceful acting, playing the two-faced Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, relentless in his effort to lure the young Anakin to the Dark Side and conquering th whole galaxy. Ewan McGregor also put out quite a performance. His character has matured significantly from the young Obi-Wan in Episode I. Even Hayden Christensen managed to put out a decent acting himself, after having been criticized for his poor acting during Episode II. And the romance between him and Padme, played by Natalie Portman, is more believable and better-acted than Episode II. And all this, the CGI, the acting, have managed to bring the story to life.

But once again, Episode III is all about how and why a man turns to the dark side. And this Episode is the culmination, the conclusion of the journey from Episode I and II. No matter how bad they are, Episode III is meaningless without Episode I and II. Just consider Episode I and II sacrificial lambs to make this third episode a winner.

The movie ends with a question of hope. A question that most of us know the answer to. But it is still enough to make me want to take a look at the answer again. George Lucas has bring back the magic of the galaxy opera. No matter what, Star Wars has become a legend and people will still talk about it for years to come.

And I will still make more jokes about Darth Vader's breathing noise.

Excited About Star Wars

2005-05-19T22:57:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Director: George Lucas
Hayden Christensen, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman

I'm still in awe after watching the third episode of this epic galaxy opera. For Star Wars fans of course it's obvious how things will eventually turn out. But it's the why and the process that matters, and in this department the movie delivers.

I am at a lost for words in trying to describe this movie. And this review will be a short one. All I could say is that go and watch this movie. Don't even hesitate for once. Don't even think twice.

All I could say is that there's a lot of special effects in this movie. And for once, the acting is quite good.

Great movie.

And this is, by far, the dumbest and shortest movie review I've ever written...

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick up my jaw from the floor.

Four Desperate Japanese Housewives

2005-05-17T12:40:00.000+07:00

Book Review
Out
by Natsuo Kirino

4 women work night shift in a boxed-lunch factory located in a fringe area in Tokyo. Masako Katori is a house wife with 'damaged' relationships between her and her husband and son. Yoshie Azuma, or 'Skipper' (her factory nickname) has to take care of her dying, aggravating mother-in-law and manage her rebellious daughters. Yayoi Yamamoto is having difficulties with her husband who starts to gamble and fool with other women. Kuniko Jonouchi is a superficial woman who identifies herself with the things she wears and thus ends up in a lot of debt. Four of them meet and work as a team on the production floor of the factory.

It is obvious that their conditions are desperate. All resent the realities of life they're living, and wanted to escape. Things get worse when Yayoi kills her husband and asked the others to help her get rid of the body. Masako, the toughest of the 4, agreed to help. She asked Yoshie and Kuniko to help her cut off the body into smaller, managable bits. This litte 'venture' of theirs will get them tangled in more intrigues. Yoshie and Kuniko with their desperate need of money (albeit for different reasons) and Masako finding that to her, the whole body disposal is a form of an escape from her dreary day-to-day existence.

Natsuo Kirino, a renowned crime novellist, delivers an exotic crime thriller centered around characters who have lost their faiths in their own lives. From the storyline point of view, readers will not find anything new. The story progresses in a linear fashion, with few flashbacks. Characters are not described in very fine details, but they are quite believable. What will keep the readers going will be Masako (and another character I will not mention here due to the spoiler potential), what's her story, and how she will end up by the end of the novel.

This is one interesting novel. It will keep readers at the edge of their seats with its story. Nothing groundbreaking, but it provides a certain entertainment for a few days (depending on how fast you read). Quite recommended.

Looking Back

2005-05-11T16:24:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I was thinking that maybe it was a good idea to try and update my blog in friendster. I wouldn't exactly put anything new in it, just some choice writings from my other two blogs from blogspot. It was for some sort of narcissistic reasons, I think.

As I went through my old entries I was quite taken aback by my old entries. Back then I put too many emphasize on details. Maybe I was just trying to hold on to my memories. Scared of losing them into the obscurity of the past. Thinking that memories were the things that defined who I was, I tried holding on to them.

Not anymore.

Looking back, I noticed that I was a different person back then. Looking at the present, I realized how one year of time could change a person so much. Maybe I'm not scared anymore of losing myself. Maybe I don't define myself from my memories anymore. Maybe I don't feel the need to define myself anymore.

I guess right now I'm just in the mood for celebrating life. Celebrating change. One year seemed quite short, but it's amazing how many things have changed since then.

(I wonder whether I've made a similar entry before...some things just don't change I guess...)

It doesn't matter. This is a different entry at least from the time-of-entry point of view.

Upside Down

2005-05-09T07:55:00.000+07:00

Lilo and Stitch was playing when I went out and left two of my friends at the villa. I felt like I needed another walk. It was a fine day. A bit cloudy and there was a hint of rain in the air, but rays of sunshine still managed to slip pass the clouds high above in the sky. The air was cool, and only a light afternoon breeze was stirring in the air. It felt as if nature herself was beckoning me to go out and enjoy the weather and the view.

I put on my jogging shoes and walked down the front veranda of my friend's villa. I opened the wooden gate and started walking down the narrow asphalt road. Trees of many different kinds adorned the view around me. The theme was green, and it was a different kind of green. Different from the usual green you'd find on trees in cities. It was a 'healthier', more peaceful kind of green. I have always loved the view there around my friend's villa. It has a certain peaceful quality to it.

I walked toward a small hill not far from the villa. The asphalt road was narrow and winding. You could see the hill from the veranda of the villa. As I was walking, my mind was filled with the many thoughts, thoughts about my life and what I was doing with it, and what I would do with it in the future. Thoughts about the past, both pleasant and unpleasant.

I usually have my digital camera with me, to take pictures of the beautiful views. However, due to the minimal available space left in it, I decided otherwise. In any case, I had taken many shots during previous visits. Taking more would make no difference. And, as I was walking, I realized that there was always an urge within to show these pictures to other people, to let them know how beautiful the place was. However, it also dawned on me that it wouldn't be the same as enjoying the view together with someone right there and then. It was a quiet and silent day, and the silence only amplified my loneliness even more. Not even the immortalized view of the mountains could cure my loneliness. No, there was no use in bringing a camera. That day, I was loneliness itself.

To go up the hill one must went through a broken-down fence. There was a narrow dirt road on one side of the hill, with stones lodged in it serving as steps going up the hill. On some days there were people on top of the hill, kids playing with kites, running around on the level field on top of the hill or teenagers, just sitting down on the grass and enjoying the view. That day though, I was alone.

From the top of the hill, you could have quite a clear view of the villa and also a beautiful view of the surrounding vista. I spotted my friend at the veranda and I waved my hand at her. She also saw me, and waved back. I thought I saw her took a picture of me with her camera. After she went inside I sat down on the grass, drinking in and enjoying the view of the green landscape and the mountains in the distant.

After spending some time admiring the serene view, I laid down on the grass with my hands on the back of my head and my eyes looking, staring, at the clouds above...

...or below. It was a strange sensation, but a strange thought came into my mind. It was as if the ground was up and the clouds were below. It felt as if at anytime, I could fall down from the ground into the clouds. If felt as if, anytime, gravity could reverse itself and I would start falling down into the clouds, falling down into the unknown, falling down into infinity. I would keep falling, with no end in sight. I would keep falling, without any certainty of when it would end. I would keep falling into the clouds.

I started thinking, what is up, and what is down? Does the Almighty know of such concept? What was it like, being alone somewhere out there, without knowing the concept of up and down? What was it like, to exist without knowing any certainty where to go up and where to fall down, a concept that is so prevalent yet ignored in our daily lives? What was it like, to transcend the boundaries of space, and of time?

At that time, I felt the enormity, the vastness, of the universe. And I couldn't bear the burden, the weight, even if it was only in my mind. I tried standing up, and I felt scared. I felt scared, and alone.

I'd never felt fear like that in all my life.
I was never so scared.
I'd never felt loneliness like that in all my life.
I was never so alone.

My whole body felt weak, and I had trouble standing up straight. It felt as if I bore all the burden of the universe on my shoulders.

As I regained my composure, I tried looking up again. Standing. I still felt the fear. I still felt the weakness in every parts of my body. So I tried rooting down myself to the present 'reality'. I tried rooting down myself to the 'fact' that the ground was down beneath my feet and the sky and the clouds were up above my head. And as I tried doing so, I thought that maybe God is the loneliest being in the world.

In retrospect, I think that during that short moment, I had a glimpse of God's role as the creator. It felt quite difficult, that role. The burden of it was so hard. And the loneliness, unbearable. The thought saddened me.

I sat down again on the grassy hill, trying to enjoy the beautiful view again and, steeling myself, glanced up at the sky and the clouds now and then. Slowly, I felt as if I was one with nature. After some time I felt nature going silent, the birds and the crickets stopped singing, and there was only a light breeze in the air. Maybe it was my imagination, but I felt as if nature was whispering to me, urging me that it was time for me to return to the villa. Maybe it was in the dampness of the breeze that I sensed rain was coming.

I stood up and walked back to the villa. Rain came not long after I got back.

Wine-Tasting Journey Gone Rather Awry

2005-05-04T23:50:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
Sideways
Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church
Directed by: Alexander Payne
Based on a novel by: Rex Pickett

Two old college roomies, Miles (Paul Giamatti) and Jack (Thomas Haden Church) embark on a wine-tasting journey through Northern California. At least, that is how Miles sees it. To Jack however, who's about to embark on a journey himself down the aisle right after the journey, sees this journey as an opportunity of getting his room mate Miles laid, and get himself his own version of 'tasting'. During the journey, both have to face their own personal demons. Miles having to face again the memories of his ex-wife, and Jack having to face his fears about the upcoming nuptial.

This movie is about character building, right from the start until the end of the movie. Miles with his stiff and demanding personality, who is quite disappointed at the world and at himself (as a result for being too hard on himself). And Jack with his happy-go-lucky personality, who gets both of them in various mess during the course of the story. This movie is not about fancy, outlandish story. It's about two people, with all their beauty and ugliness. It's about two people facing middle age. It's about two people having to confront their own not-so-miserable existence. So, I'm just saying that this movie's about two middle-age losers. This movie dwells deep into both people's characters and laid them bare for the audience to see.

Director Alexander Payne has successfully delivered a comedy movie with a very sober theme, yet still be entertaining enough that those who watch it won't feel depressed. At least, that is how I see it. And for those who are into wine tasting, they might find this movie a little bit more 'rich' in 'taste'. Unfortunately, such is not the case with me. Regardless, I should think that the movie will still be entertaining enough for those who are not familiar with wine-tasting. Because that's not the point of the movie.

A very recommended movie for those looking for a 'different taste' of comedy, a comedy that is very grounded in reality.

I want...(not in any particular order)

2005-05-02T21:48:00.000+07:00

...to start working on my Master Grade Wing Gundam Zero Custom Kit,

...to be able to come up with some fictitious topic so I could start writing a book,

...to be in a play,

...to be a news anchor,

...to be an oscar-winning actor,

...tomorrow to be a holiday,

...to sleep all day (without the guilt, please),

...to have a small cottage somewhere in Swiss with a view of the mountains (like the ones you would find in a cheap giveaway calender credit company usually send you, thanking you for choosing them to be your loan shark),

...to buy an airbrush set, complete with the 'gun' and the air compressor (so I could paint my Master Grade Wing Gundam Zero Custom Kit),

...to have a heart-to-heart talk with my old maid, who's been with us since I wasn't even born, who's right now dying of cancer (without her knowing it, my mom decided not to tell her yet since she's afraid that she would go suicidal). On second thought, having a heart-to-heart talk might give that away, so for now I just treat her like usual, a bit gentler though. People might think I'm cruel for giving up hope so early (since she's very much alive for now), but it's cancer, and it's bound to get you thinking. Well, treating her as usual might be the best thing to do for now,

...to go jogging,

...to have a body-builder's body (with the hard work, mind you, it's the hard work that can hook you up, it's an addiction). Too bad that I just don't have the time,

...the corporate world to just crumble down to dust,

...to go bungee jump,

...to go to Bali (believe it or not, I've never been there in all my life...well, I've been there once but only for 2 hours and it was already night there, didn't see any naked tourists ha ha ha),

...to have a conversation with Buddha,

...to have a conversation with Jesus,

...to have a conversation with Muhammad,

...to lay down on a field of green grass, looking at the mountains while an eagle soar in the blue sky above, and say to myself, "'Tis a beautiful life."

...to have a walk around my friend's villa in Puncak and enjoy the beautiful green sceneries around me,

...to run, just run, like wild horses, like the wind,

...to fly, just fly, like the eagles in the sky, looking down on mountains,

...to go to the beach, enjoying the view of the vast expanse of the sea (something that I will do when I'm in Bali),

...to be a popular singer,

...to have a father I can depend on,

...my mom to stop worrying about me,

...my mom to stop projecting her life on me,

...myself to stop thinking about my mom and start thinking about my own life,

...to watch the movie 'Sin City',

...to watch the movie 'Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...and Spring',

...for my fathers to find whatever they're looking for in their life, and find peace,

...for my mom to find whatever she's looking for in her life, and find peace,

...for my brother to be happy (come to think of it, maybe he's happier than me...),

...to fly away to a different reality,

...to stand at the top of the highest building in Jakarta and take a picture of the city down below,

...to go hiking in the mountains,

...to find the courage to fall in love again.

Be Aware

2005-04-27T13:33:00.000+07:00

Book Review and Recommendation
Awareness by Osho and
How to Live on 24 Hours a Day by Arnold Bennett

I don't usually usually do review for two books at the same time, but since these two books are very much alike in their purpose, I would like to put them together in one review.

On to the review.

Who was Osho? Well, from what I've read in his book titled 'Awareness', I would say that he was a spiritualist. But if you would like to know a short history about him you could go googling, or just go to this web address: http://www.religioustolerance.org/rajneesh.htm. There you could read a bit about him.

To tell the truth, reading 'Awareness' wasn't exactly an entertaining affair for me. I was reminded constantly that some or maybe all the things that I've known in my life are probably not 'real'. That the 'reality' that we know might just be our mind playing tricks with our souls. How would you feel if all the knowledge, the science, the education you receive all your life will never be enough for our soul's salvation? That to attain 'nirvana', that blissful place, that peaceful state (or, most of us would simply put it in a more simple term: happiness) one simply have to embark on simple activities, such as 'watch' one's breathing?

But, 'watching' one's breathing turns out to be a very complicated matter. Our minds are very talented escape artists, they could escape even from the most complicated confinements of concentration. Buddha (or one of those 'enlightened' souls, I could not recall) once said that if one could watch one's breathing for 48 minutes (did Buddha know the concept of one minute, anyways?), one could become enlightened. But Osho said that these days, it is good enough if one could watch one's breathing for even 48 seconds. Having a very imaginative and worrisome mind, I couldn't agree more with him.

While reading 'Awareness', I couldn't help but to think that on the pages of the book, Osho kept saying one and the same thing, only in different words. He kept saying that people should be 'aware'. That people should not put themselves on the arduous task of being 'good' and avoiding being 'bad'. Be aware and goodness will follow, so he said.

Starting and finishing the book is like coming to a full circle.

For those who think that their lives are on the right track, reading this book might make them think again. For those who think that there's something wrong in their lives, this book would probably bring comfort to them. In any case, it's only a matter of perspectives. Indeed, this book IS about a matter of perspectives.

Now, moving on to Arnold Bennett. From what I gather, Bennett was a novelist (he died in 1931). To read a short history about him, please go googling or you could go to this web address: http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/Jbennett.htm.

'How to Live on 24 Hours a Day' gives you many examples of how you could use the time you have on your hands to the betterment of the soul. Though more practical, in the end I could say that its purpose is of the same nature as Osho's. However, Bennett presented the case in a very humorous (in the British sense, that is) and entertaining manner. In other words, going through the book was a breeze. And it is quite a short book.

It might be inappropriate to call Bennett as an 'enlightened one', but he's got some simple common sense in him. His advices are more to the practical side of things. Some simple common sense that we may easily overlook in our lives, due to one thing or another.

You could, of course, say that there's no relation between being aware and managing time. At first glance, this might be true. But after reading both books, I dare say that both books could bring a reader to a similar understanding, and to go even further, a very similar result. Then again, this is only a matter of perspectives.

In the end, I would like to say that these two books compliment each other. The first one is more to the abstract side of things, while the second one is more to the practical side of things. And both have almost the same message: 'Don't waste the time you have in your life. Seize the moment.'

note: I found Osho's awareness in QB bookstore at Plaza Senayan. I don't know whether they still have more copies, since the one I got was the last one they put on the stand. As for Arnold Bennett's 'How to Live on 24 Hours a Day', one could get it for free at www.gutenberg.org in the form of an e-book (*.txt file).

Who Am I?

2005-04-27T10:01:00.000+07:00

I am...

A klutz. I bump into things accidentally all the time. Twice I bump my head into the corner of hard objects. One was an air conditioner (while I was still a baby, about 1 or 2 years old) and the other was my mother's bedroom door (I think I was four). Both incident rewarded me with some stitches in my head. I have some marks on my knees from falling too often while I was still in elementary school.

That changed a bit though. Growing up probably made my body movement coordination a little bit better. A good friend of mine taught me how to walk (he also taught a lot of things besides that). I slumped. Now, I still slump at times, but not as bad as it used to.

I like dancing. Well, I like watching people dance, to be exact. I myself can't dance. Tried Salsa once, it was very interesting (I guess it was because of that my interest in dance grew). But I doubt that I still remember the steps. If there's time, I would like to continue learning it again. I would also like to learn Tango. I guess the movie 'Scent of a Woman' inspired me in that department.

I can't stay in one place for too long. I'd be bored silly. I like to walk around, keep my body moving. Lately I've been quite self-conscious in the way I walk. My feet stray at times. It would be nice if I could keep them in a straight line whenever I'm walking. So, I've been working on that.

I like to have a big personal space around me whenever I want to be alone. The size of my body and my gestures required a large space. Maybe this is so for many men. I once read a sociology book saying that men's use of space is a sign of power, control. In any case, this has resulted into my elbows bumping into things. Having a crowded house doesn't help either. Lots of things fall down whenever I move in my house.

I have 'itchy' fingers. I like to play with pen caps, hearing the clicking sound whenever I put on and take off the caps. One of my feet jitters whenever I sit down. Well, I guess I just want to point out that I couldn't sit tight and be calm for a long time.

Well, that's part of who I am. More to come...

Thank God for Indivision...

2005-04-20T11:23:00.000+07:00

...Local TV stations suck.

Defiant

2005-04-19T22:44:00.000+07:00

Graduation Day (by Kanye West)

I'm no longer confused but don't tell anybody.
I'm about to break the rules but don't tell anybody.
I got something better than school but don't tell anybody.
My momma would kill me but don't tell anybody.
She wants me to get a good ass job just like everybody.
She ain't walked in my shoes I'm just not everybody.

Revelations

2005-04-15T08:55:00.000+07:00

You know, it was like one of those sobering moments, the ones that make you realize something about yourself. And it hit hard, pretty hard.

One could only hurt oneself if one put one's well being in the hands of others. And one's well being should not depend on others. It's one's to nurture, it's in one's control. The decision to be content is in one's hands. Something that I gotta learn how to do better.

Simple isn't it? A simple truth. But hard to accept. Maybe all I need is to surrender. Just let it all go. Come to think of it, I don't really have anything in this world but myself.

You reap what you sow. There you go. Probably a bad fruit or two are bound to come out once in awhile. All I gotta do is not eat them.

Prowling The Grounds of Ancient Greek

2005-04-06T15:28:00.000+07:00

Game Review
God of War (for the PlayStation2)
By Sony Computer Entertainment
Developed by SCE Studio Santa Monica

Games of excellent quality are hard to come by. And so God of War took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting the game to be that good, but after reading several game reviews (Gamespot, who's usually quite stingy in giving game scores in reviews, gave it a 9.3, an unusual thing) saying that this game is outstanding, I became quite intrigued. So, after getting a copy, I sat down in my room, inserted the DVD disc into my PlayStation2 console, and started playing. And time flies by without my realizing it. Those reviews were quite right. This game is outstanding.

The game opens up with Kratos, the main anti-hero, standing before a very high cliff, uttering the words: "The gods of Olympus have abandoned me." With that, he jumps, and descends into a watery death...or so it seems. Along the way, the narrator opens up by saying that Kratos was the champions of the gods, that things seem dire for him for the moment (nothing could be more dire than someone jumping to his death from the highest cliff in the world) but that it has not always been so. Flashback to three weeks earlier, player finds Kratos on the bow of a ship on the Aegean Sea, facing a hoard of undead soldiers and screaming "Foul creatures! I will send you to the depth of Hades!", and so the real game begins.

To sum it up, Kratos is on a mission to kill Ares, the God of War. Why? Because he has the other gods backing him up and ultimately, he's got a vengeance to settle with Ares. So, as the reader might have guessed, this game's background is set based on Greek mythology. The levels' architecture, the character designs, the soundtrack, they all spell out Greek.

What makes this game so excellent? First of all, it's the gameplay. SCE Studio Santa Monica has done it right, creating a gameplay that is so smooth and fluid. Every move that Kratos has in his arsenal can be executed with ease. And to accompany this, they have created animations that are also smooth and fluid (except for Kratos' double jump, which could have benefitted from a bit more work). There are a lot of possible combinations of moves, and the transition between the moves are so fluid and natural, and what's more, they're easy to execute. Granted, Devil May Cry 3 may have a lot more possible combinations of moves and combos (but quite an equal amount of bad-ass style, in my opinion) but for some reason, God of War is more...solid, robust. It was fun too, playing the mini-games that pop up whenever you've damaged an enemy severely (usually this apply to those lumbering, mid and large-size enemies) where you have to tap the correct buttons according to the display on the screen or mash a certain button repeatedly. They may get quite repetitious after some time, but well, personally there's some sense of satisfaction in jamming a blade down a minotaur's throat (especially if the aforementioned minotaur just took off a big portion of your life bar).

So, what does Kratos have in his arsenal? His main weapon is the Blade of Chaos, a pair of blades chained to his arms so that he could swing it around in any manner he likes. It has a long range and quite powerful, especially when you have upgraded it to higher levels. You will be using this weapon for the most part of the game. What's Greek mythology without some godly magic? Gods of Olympus will bestow magics to Kratos during the course of the game. These magics will help Kratos in tight situations. Granted that more variety in magic is desirable. But they are enough to help him in his quest and to keep things interesting.

The enemies themselves are quite diverse, ranging from the hoard of undead soldiers, the nimble and agile harpies, the lithe and slithering gorgons, to huge, lumbering cyclops and minotaurs. Well, the game IS based on Greek mythology, so expect a lot of Greek monsters and other kinds of Greek ugliness. These monsters attack relentlessly, so Kratos must always be on his guard. Blocking and evading are a must during the course of the game.

And the puzzles...well, people have differing opinions about the puzzles. As for me, I found them to be quite intelligent. Not too hard to figure out, but quite clever. There's even a part of the game where you have to rotate a temple to solve a puzzle. Intriguing. In any case, the game has managed to create a good balance between the hack-and-slash part and the puzzle part.

Yes, the game could get very gory (they rated this game M, by the way). And this happens most of the time in the game. There's a lot of blood spilled, a lot of ripped-off mythological creatures' limbs flying in every direction, and a lot of bared breasts. There's even a sex 'sequence' mini-game where you have to tap buttons and rotate analog sticks. Interesting, isn't it? Well, stay away if you don't like blood and gore. But you'll be missing a very good game.

The game's designs are also outstanding. It could be said that the architectures found in the surroundings, be it the buildings, the temples, the statues, the mountains, the cliffs, everything has been crafted in mythological proportion. For those who are into movies, think Lord of the Ring trilogy. And to help emphasize this, the programmer has managed to design camera angles that could elevate the level of grandness of the game's many structures into soaring heights. Case in point: there's a part in the game where you're walking up a grand stairway into Athens, the camera's perspective is behind Kratos, near his feet, looking up at the top of the stairs. The view beyond the grand stairway is obstructed by banners flying in the wind. As you reach the top, the camera shifts and moves forward beyond Kratos to reveal a platform with view of the city of Athens from above and mountains in the horizon, with the god of war in his giant form in the distance laying siege to the city. Arrows are flying everywhere (most were aimed toward Ares) while Ares himself is hurling fireballs and scooping up buildings from the ground as if they're toy houses. Above Ares' head, clouds are swirling, a sign of Ares' magnificence. I know my words are not enough to describe the atmosphere, so play the game and you'll know what I mean.

And to even lift the game's mood into the stratosphere, SCE Studio Santa Monica has composed a set of soundtrack worthy of A-list movies. The soundtrack, together with the camera angle, has succesfully created an atmosphere of Greek mythology, with orchestras and choirs singing songs that help form a level grandness usually invoked when one thinks of Greek mythology, and the camera angles helping to emphasize the sense of grandness. Well, once again, think of The Lord of the Ring. Another case in point: there's a sequence where Kratos is walking up to the statue of Athena holding a sword, and the sword is used as a bridge for Kratos to walk on. The camera's view is from Kratos' lower right, looking at him from the lower right, Kratos filling the left side of the screen, while in the distance, on the right side of the screen, the statue of Athena in all its grandness, stood before Kratos, filling the right side of the screen. All this while an orchestra is playing. Once again, play the game and you'll know what I mean.

From the technical point of view, SCE Studio Santa Monica has been quite successful in creating an in-game engine that's quite solid. It gives the game a sense of integrity. There's almost no loading screen (only when you're loading your save game) between stages, making it feels like the game is composed of only one very huge stage. Well, actually, there are loadings, but it occurs in the background. The programmers has cleverly hidden the loading instances. So, when you're walking in a narrow hall with a lot of twist and turns, you can bet that that's when the game is loading the next huge hall or area that you'll be coming across. The architectures themselves are quite clever. You'll be coming back to places you've traverse before through other passages and you'll be saying a lot of things like, "So THIS is where this passage/hall/cave leads to!" It's like backtracking, but through different routes.

Well, once you've finished the game, there's nothing much to go back to. The difference in each difficulty level lies only in how much life is taken off from our anti-hero everytime an enemy lands a blow on him. There's no difference in AI aggressiveness, patterns, or anything else. And from the way I see it, even though it's a very outstanding game, I couldn't help but to feel that this game is not long enough. I finished it within 8 hours of playing on Hard (Spartan) difficulty. And I couldn't help but think that there aren't enough levels to play in. Granted that the programmers have done a great job in creating the stages and to craft their intricate designs and its many passageways, but I think that they could have done more in terms of quantity. But heck, even the ones that are available are huge enough, with a lot of beautiful details in them. So, it's only a minor complain. In another word, I just couldn't get enough. Well, this game was finished under a deadline, so there are things that has been cut out in the final game. Even with that, it's still an oustanding game. I demand a sequel! And it's better be good! I give this game 9 out of 10.

Death

2005-04-06T09:31:00.000+07:00

I noticed that the sky was very blue today. I saw it during my commute to the office, I was seeing it from the office's window even as I was writing this. There's a certain peace to it, as if all the cares in the world don't matter anymore. I loved the blue sky this day. It soothed my mind. There was almost no hint of cloud anywhere I looked. It was peaceful, and my mind was at ease.

Then again, it might be because of the sedative I took the night before. It helped lessen the annoying voices and howlings of my mind and its many thoughts.

Wow, can't believe I'm on drugs.

Still, it was quite a nice change, looking at the blue sky after all the cloudy days before it. I sure hope that it was a sign of change. A change to better days ahead. I need all the good signs to help me go through the boring days at the office, at least until the project starts. I hope that by then things would be getting heluva lot more interesting.

Like the blue sky, I was thinking that probably death has a certain peace to it. A certain finality to it, a certain inevitability. Your life is about to end, all the worries you ever had don't even matter anymore. It's as if nothing in the world matters anymore. The world doesn't matter anymore.

I was facing death right now. The death of my character, my personality, my memories, the things that I used to know, the (oncoming) death of a dear (almost) family member. And, as always, a person usually goes through some stages when faced with death. I don't know exactly what stages they are and in what order the sequence is, but I'm thinking I'm between denial and acceptance right now. And the transition is hard.

Well, thanks to the sedative, I could at least still noticed the blue sky this morning. Or maybe it was not because of the sedative. Maybe because the sky was very clear, very blue, that one could not help but notice it. Such a simple thing, the blue sky. Yet so soothing. In any case, death will come to pass and after that the advent of resurrection. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I am sure of it. As sure as the sky is blue (only on clear, cloudless day that is).

A Hospital Ghost Story

2005-03-31T12:18:00.000+07:00

(Versi bahasa Indonesia dari cerita ini bisa dilihat di http://numpanglewat.blogspot.com. Promosi dikit boleh khan? Ha ha ha)

"You know, I saw a ghost last night when I was in Ciptomangunkusumo."
"Really? Wow, so...how?"
"I was waiting in line at one of the cashier. I was staring at a reflection on one of the window. The window was reflecting the room where I was in. I noticed a very graceful lady standing in the reflection."
"And?"
"And the lady was not there, she wasn't there on the spot where she was supposed to be. I could only see her in the reflection. I kept turning my head left and right, between the window and the room, trying to make sure that probably I saw the room from the wrong angle, that probably she was there after all."
"And she wasn't?"
"Nope, she wasn't."
"Are you sure that probably she's on the other room on the other side of the window?"
"I took a peek into the other side of the window, into another room."
"And she wasn't there either?"
"Nope, she wasn't there."
"Wow."
"It's hard isn't it? I couldn't really throw away this..'thing', no matter how hard I tried not to see them, I keep seeing them."
"Well, it's a gift, mom. You couldn't just throw it away."
"Yeah, I guess so. But I think she didn't mean no harm. I didn't feel any malice."
"Did she look at you?"
"No, she was looking at somewhere else. She was looking the other way."
"Yeah, I remember what your friend told us, that they never look straight at you."
"Yep, Mrs. E told us that didn't she."
"Yeah. By the way, is she pretty?"
"Ha ha ha, I couldn't tell. I couldn't see her face since she was looking the other way. But I think so."
"Ha ha ha, just a stupid question mom. You see her again tonight, tell her I said hi."
"Ha ha ha."

Band Day, Bad Day (Part II)

2005-03-30T00:15:00.000+07:00

Came home tonight. Asked my mother how our servant was doing. (Check out http://numpanglewat.blogspot.com for a related entry, but it's in Indonesian).

We just found out last night that she might have a tumor in her uterus. But it had not been ascertain whether the tumor is dormant or malignant. I wish it's not a dangerous tumor. But there's also the possibility that it's a cancer. She had to be hospitalized today. One of my father's men is standing by at the hospital tonight (Ciptomangunkusumo Hospital), should something happen. Heard from my mom that she's lost a lot of blood. Mom had to go to the Office of Indonesian Red Cross to get some blood. For now, she's resting.

Hearing the story from my mom, there's a couple of thing that made me mad. When they (my mom and my servant) was in Husada, my servant came out of the doctor's room crying. She said that the doctor had insulted her by saying "Are you sure you want to be treated here? It's really expensive you know? How could you, a mere 'babu cuci' (basically harsh words to describe a servant, whose work usually involve washing/laundering clothes), could afford it?" This, of course, enraged my mom. When the doctor came out of her room, she approached her and asked her opinion. My mom deliberately used medical terms. When the doctor inquired how my mom knew such terms, my mom said she's a dentis so she was very familiar with medical terms. Only after that that the doctor's manner changed. She suggested that my servant should go to Tarakan Hospital where she could get a letter that could help her by lessening the treatment cost, and take that letter to Ciptomangunkusumo Hospital.

My poor servant got another insult when she got to RSCM (a well-known abbreviation for Ciptomangunkusumo Hospital). A nurse asked her why she transfered from Husada. She said that she couldn't afford the treatment cost there. The nurse said, "Oh, so you think that our treatment is not expensive? You're very much mistaken. Do you think that you, a servant, could afford it?" My mom defended my servant , saying that, "No matter. I can pay for it." My servantcould only say, "How could you not treat a sick person?"

It is well known here that medical treatments are not cheap. But what got me angry is that the psychological (or 'human') treatment they give to the patient. A servant is still a human, and that's not an excuse to treat them differently. At the very least, they could have chosen softer words, and not using insulting tone of voice. And aren't medical people supposed to know that psychological conditions could affect a person's biological condition? It is not becoming for a medical staff to use intimidating approaches like that.

Has money become more important than how we treat other human beings? I know that this also serves as a reminder for me not to forget how to treat other people, especially when it comes to financial matters.

It just angered me. Please, anyone, is there anything I could do about this besides writing this whole thing in my blog? Maybe write it up for 'Surat Pembaca' in Kompas (or Suara Pembaruan)? There must be so many cases of bad interpersonal treatment like this in the medical business, but I don't know whether anyone has spoken up yet against it. I don't know, I just feel like there's something we could do. At least to 'sting' these people a bit. Remind them that such behaviour is not acceptable, especially when dealing with people who are inflicted by life-threatening disease. I think any one of you would be hurt to see yourself or your loved ones being treated like this.

Well, at the very least, I hope this could serve as a reminder (for others, and especially for myself) not to lose sight on what's important in this life.

Band Day, Bad Day (Part I)

2005-03-29T22:48:00.000+07:00

Yeah, I've prepared the chord and the lyrics. Might as well, knowing that I got nothing to do at the office the whole day. Anyways, it was a piece of cake. You could practically find anything in Google.

Today, we planned on trying out 'Push' (Matchbox 20), 'Barely Breathing' (Duncan Sheik), 'Stay'(Lisa Loeb), 'Bring Me To Life' (Evanescence), 'Losing Grip' (Avril Lavigne), and 'If You're Gone' (again, Matchbox 20). Went to the studio and arrived there at about 7.30 pm.

There were 5 other people with me. Since I couldn't play any instrument (I suck) I did the vocal (I suck too, but at least not as bad when it comes to instrument). We eventually only tried 'Push' and 'Barely Breathing'. And we did 'Never Let You Go' too (Third Eye Blind). This time I got the lyric (unlike last week).

I did get to try one instrument though: the drum. We played a number on Maroon 5's 'This Love' (without a vocalis though, since Dide didn't feel like singing). Bonq, as always, alternated between the guitar, the bass and the drum. Didi also alternated between the guitar, the bass and the drum. He tried the keyboard once though. Rin stayed mostly at the guitar, though there was one time she tried the drum. Bicil tried the drum.

Most of the time, it was jam session (read: messing around). But it was fun. At least it provided a form of entertainment after a whole day of boring office life. And it was nice to know that there were fellow gamers in the office. Yeah, video game baby. I just love it.

Next week: more fun and more song!

The Raven King

2005-03-28T11:04:00.000+07:00

Book Review
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke

The first time I laid my eyes on this book, I felt apprehensive. Such a thick book! Will I ever finish it? And the first few pages gave me some hints that the story would be quite intricate, and maybe boring, because the language was so English. Well, 19th century England was the story's setting, so that was to be expected. It seemed to me, at first, that reading this book would be quite a daunting task.

Now, after almost one month (and 700-or-so pages) later, I discovered that I felt really sad having a good story coming to an end. As I came to the last page, I just wished that it would never end, that somehow the book will magically add a few hundred more pages to continue its story. Such a wishful thinking.

In her first debut, Susanna Clarke has crafted a wonderful fantasy world of 19th century England, mixing actual history with fiction, where magic seemed to have diminished, but its presence still lingered among the trees, stones, rivers, the weather, and among shadows. Magicians, at the start of the story, were only theoretical magicians. They didn't practice any kind of magic, but only talked about it and read books about it. However, the advent of Gilbert Norrell has changed all that. The coming of Norrell, with his ambition to revive English magic, and later of Jonathan Strange, had started a chain of events that has been foretold in a prophecy by the Raven King, a human child taken in by the faeries and became The King of North England, Faerie and a land that borders near Hell.

The book might seemed a bit 'threatening' at first. Especially when the readers find footnotes littered about in many pages of the book. But do not be discouraged. The book is a pleasure to read. Yes, even the footnotes are a pleasure to read. It's as if the book is a collection of interconnected fairy tales, each could stand alone in its own right, but strongly related to one another. One could always skip the footnotes, but doing so might prevent a reader to fully appreciate the depth and intricacies of the story. It's not that kind of book that you read to know what would happen next, but the kind of book you read just for the pleasure of reading it. Add to that the whole dark and brooding fairy-tale mood, and the readers are in for a wonderful dream, or even, a wonderful nightmare.

Readers who are looking for magic in a Harry-Potter sense of way should not look here. Because they would not find wand-waving, fireball-shooting kind of magic in this book. This book is about character building, mood building, an intricate tale that weave it's plot around deep, fleshed-out, believable characters (this is especially true for the characters Gilbert Norrell and Jonathan Strange) and deep, fleshed-out, and mysterious setting of 19th century England. Two-third part of the book was spent on developing characters and mood. Only during the last third part of the book that the story picks up pace. The magic aspect takes first place here of course, but the author has manage to create a mood where it is never too emphasized, but still there nonetheless. It's like an actor or an actress whose appearance on stage went unnoticed by the audience, but the audience realized his or her presence in the play nonetheless, constantly dancing, trotting, weaving, acting among the other actors and actresses without basking too much in the spotlight. The nature of the magics themselves ranged from mundane to magnificent. But the way they were presented were subtle.

So, in the end, I would like to say that no, you don't 'run' with this book. Reading this book is more like a wonderul walk in a park to enjoy a slightly cloudy day, with light breeze brushing your hair, and a little tinge of magic in the air. A highly recommended piece of literature.

Blissfull Week

2005-03-27T02:11:00.000+07:00

One should always count one's blessings. And for this week of my life, I found that blessings were aplenty. It would be quite a show of ignorance to say that weeks that have gone by weren't full of blessings, or that the oncoming weeks would not be full of blessings. But it's just that I would like to emphasize the events of this week, and as always, count my blessings whenever I realize it (which, unfortunately, doesn't happen too often...the realizing part, that is).

To begin with, the parents went to a seminar in South Sulawesi. Suddenly, I and my brother has quite a breathing room at home. This is, of course, a very much needed relieve. I get to go out with my brother during the long weekend, attend masses without my mother around. Just us, two guys, without an old, cranky, post-menopausal woman around (our mother). Utterly blissful.

Not having my father around is also quite a wonderful experience, since it means that there won't be an incident where he would intrude my already-crowded personal space (living in the same room with 2 other persons could really take its toll). And I won't have to listen to his usual speech of office and national politics and of his negative views toward just about everyone. There were times when I would agree to his negative views, but I always found myself afterwards being a very moody person and not very much agreeable. Something that is not appropriate in my opinion.

Of course, such wonderfully blessed week is not without its flaws. For the early part of the week I was in quite a nervous state, waiting for my project to start, and not having anything to do in the office. Such condition could make a man in his youth (such as I) feel neglected and of no use. Guilty feelings were abound (especially when looking at how other people were so busy with their tasks). But, fortunately, after consulting a senior at the office, she told me to just lay back and enjoy the lazy days while I still can. Because there won't be such a thing as a lazy day when the project starts. And that, no, it's not a bad thing to not be doing anything at the office. Ahh, what a bliss.

This week would be wonderfully perfect if my long-time old, cranky, and very demanding servant at home is not around either. But that would be a bad thing since who would serve the food at home? So, I could handle this minor imperfection to an already wonderful week.

One could always argue that, even with parents around, that shouldn't stop us from feeling free at home. Of course one could shut out the external environment noise to prevent it from entering one's psyche (something that the Buddhists are probably good at, if they're quite religious), but even that won't last long. Afterall, I'm only human (a very common, fallible excuse, but an excuse nonetheless). Sooner or later, defenses would crumble and bad mood accompanied with depression would be inescapable.

So, here I am, at home, enjoying the silence, the absence of post-menopausal bickering and of political mumbo-jumbo, just listening to the clicking of my computer keyboard as I type my blog and waiting for a friend to give me the go-signal to go to Plaza Semanggi. What can I say? Repeat after me: bliss.

I could only hope that I can find something to be thankful about next week, since parents are coming home tomorrow. Ahh, the end to such a perfectly calm week.

Shoutbox, Anyone?

2005-03-14T18:18:00.000+07:00

Well, I'm trying something new here. It might be redundant, knowing that there's a comment link under every article posted. But, well, shoutbox looks kinda more interesting. So, here it is. I'm not familiar with webpage editing or the sort, so I kinda copy-paste, undo, copy-paste, undo, copy-paste on the template editing feature of blogger until I got the position of the shoutbox according to what I have in mind.

So, please make use of it. Don't let it sit there, ignored, unwanted. Fill it with anything you'd like to say about whatever ramblings I put up in my blog. I'll be waiting.

Losing My Religion (Or Something Close to That)

2005-03-14T12:56:00.000+07:00

It has been bothering me for some time, this lack of compassion. Take for an example the event that took place this morning. I was on my way to work. Busway was usually the transportation method of choice. To reach my office, I had to cross the street by way of a crossing bridge which passes over the busway station. There, in the middle of the bridge, lay a woman holding her baby in one arm, with another arm spread out. She might be sleeping, she might not. The baby seemed to be sleeping. I hoped the baby was sleeping. I didn't know. I just walked pass with only a casual glance at the woman and (presumably) her baby. The thing was that I only took a casual glance (albeit with a little curiosity as to how a woman could be lying down in the middle of a crossing bridge with a baby in her arm). I didn't even stop to see whether she was still alive. I hope she was still alive. I didn't know whether it was because I was numb, but at the time, I didn't even care. I just wanted to get to the office. Am I losing my compassion?

Another example is about my servant at home. She'd been with us since before I was even born. She'd been with us even before my mother got married. She's practically my nurse when I was only a kid, before I hit the 9-year-old mark. Well, basically she's still my nurse even up until now (Yati, tuangin air panas buat mandi donk!). Lately, she's been complaining about chest pains. And yesterday, her feet were swollen. My mother thought that it might have something to do with her heart. When I heard this, I just took a casual interest. As if it was nothing. I know it was life threatening, but still, I didn't care more. I didn't ask my mom about what she's going to do about it. I know she's taking her to the doctor today, but I didn't inquire more about it. I didn't show a concerned face.

Should I care more? Have I become a heartless person (like what my mother said in our last (almost) big argument)? Have I finally given up on the world and all the things that are good in it? The thought scared me.

Or maybe I was just hoping that everything will just turn out okay. That there's nothing to worry or concern about. Maybe I was just pretending that everything's okay and will be okay.

I don't know. Seems like I'm just fooling myself.

Guardian Angel

2005-03-07T10:11:00.000+07:00

It was drizzling lightly when he walked out of his office building. He had with him an umbrella, but he decided that the light drizzle wasn't worth the trouble of pulling it out of his back pack. He'd probably catch a light cold, but that was something that he was used to. It wouldn't kill him, at least for the time being.

He wasn't sure of the time, but he guessed that it was probably around 9 o'clock in the evening by the time he got to the bus station. There weren't many people waiting in the station, since it was past busy hour. This meant more breathing space. However, this also meant that there weren't many buses either. This didn't worry him though, since it was already late and that going home sooner or later wouldn't make much difference.

He looked around him. There were some other people in that station with him. People going home from work. It was a dull view, a small group of office workers waiting for a bus at a bus station. And he was a part of the view, he was an office worker too. It was during these moments, looking at these dull reality before him, that his intention of one day leaving the office world and doing something different was brought to the forefront of his occasional musing. He was a person who was easily bored, and routine was not something that he held in high regard. He was very tired, and this depressing thought only made him felt more tired. He began to daydream (a rather unfit term, since it was already night, but the reader should be able to understand), staring out of the window of the bus station.

"Working till late today?"
He was startled out of his reverie by an old man wearing a white robe with some sort of a white turban on his head. The old man smiled warmly, showing a set of healthy teeth. He had a dark skin tone. For some reason, he felt as if the old man was radiating with some sort of inner light. Or maybe it was because the old man was wearing a white robe. But he felt that that was not it. He thought that maybe some people really have this inner light that radiate.

He replied, saying that going home during this hour is something that was customary to him. "So you've gone home later than this hour?" asked the old man. He concurred. "Ah, young people these days, so busy and ambitious," said the old man, smiling and looking at him with an intense gaze. The old man then proceeded to look away, averting his gaze to the view of the towering buildings in the surrounding with an inward look, as if trying to dig out old memories. "So many has man achieved, and yet so many has man yet to achieve. Ah, forgive me young man, I must have tired you with my ramblings." He just smiled and said that it was okay. At least, thought the man, you're not as boring as these other people. At least, you're not as boring as I am, thought he.

"Ah, the bus is here. Shall we?"
Both of them got on the bus. There were not many people inside since it was past busy hours. Both got themselves some seats. The drizzle outside turned into a downpour all of a sudden when they got on the bus, and visibility was poor. "The rain, I always love the rain. So tell me young man, do you love your work?" He was caught off guard by the question, expecting the old man to be talking about the weather. He replied tentatively, saying that his job was okay, that he learned a lot from his work. He tried to convince himself that he meant what he said, but it didn't work. He also knew that the old man was aware of this. His smile told him so.

"Well, what is it that you want out of life?" A question that he didn't really like, since he had not found the answer to it. He was silent for awhile. Was it wealth that he wanted? He'd seen people acquire wealth, but that somehow was not enough. Was it recognition that he wanted? But recognition did not last long. It came and went, a hollow thing, immaterial, like a ghost, a thing which you couldn't grasp. "I see. You're not like most people who would automatically blurt out something akin to wealth and fame. Though they know that in their heart of hearts, it is not wealth and fame that they want. It's just something that they're used to saying."

He smiled. It's not easy as it seemed, trying to find out what a man wants out of life, he said. "Indeed it's not. I think it's buried deep within a person's subconscious, deep within a person's heart. Deep in his or her inner child. I guess many people have forgotten the dreams of their childhood. Disappointment, disillusionment, lost hope, so many reasons. So many sadness," the old man mused. He felt as if the old man was talking about him. The old man then gazed outside the bus, through the window. "Such beautiful light that has adorned this city. Alas, it's only a facade, a cover to hide so many broken hearts. It's as if this city is trying to brave itself, saying that there's no such thing as broken hearts. A crown of light, to drown out the darkness within. Ah, such a futile attempt."

They sat in silent after that, waiting to arrive at their own destination. At the station where he was supposed to get off the bus, just as he was about to disembark, the old man called to him "It's been nice talking to you again, young man. Even if most of the time you just listened and rarely said anything, smiling your approval or maybe disapproval. Hope we'll see each other again." He didn't turn to see the old man, but he could see him smiling from the reflection on the window on the bus' door. He smiled. As he was walking, he looked to the side at the glass wall of the bus station. He saw the old man there, walking with him. He said to himself, "It's been awhile, old man. It's nice to hear you talking again. Come again anytime." The old man in the glass wall smiled. He walked away, and the old man walked away with him.

Author's note: It's frustrating sometimes, running out of material to write. But one must finish a story. Even if in the end there's no point in the story. Thanks to the old man in the white robe and turban for the warning. Even if back then the author didn't really heed his warning, but it was enough help.

Jigsaw Puzzle

2005-03-03T10:15:00.000+07:00

Movie Review
Saw (2004)
Directed by James Wan
Story by James Wan and Leigh Whannell

The movie started with a scene where a man woke up half-drowned in a bath tub in a pitch black room. The voice of a man at the other end of the dark room greeted him, making him realize that he was not alone in that room. After fumbling about, the other man, whose face has not been shown to the audience, finally found the lightswitch. Both men found themselves inside a very dirty and abandoned toilet in an unknown location, with their feet shackled and bound to the pipings at two opposing corners of the room.

A dead body drowned in a pool of its own blood laid between them, holding a tape recorder and a gun.

The other man, the one who found the lightswitch, introduced himself as Dr. Laurence Gordon (Cary Elwes). The first man introduced himself as Adam (played by Leigh Whannell, who also happens to be responsible for the movie's story). Both claimed that they didn't recognize the dead body in the middle of the room. Both also claimed that they didn't know how they could end up shackled in an unknown toilet. After discovering tape cassettes stuffed inside their pockets and playing them in the tape recorder found in the dead man's hand, it was made clear to them by the culprit who's responsible for the whole scene (a serial killer with the nickname of 'Jigsaw Killer') that Dr. Gordon must kill Adam by 6 o'clock that day or his wife, Diana (Makenzie Vega), and his daughter, Alison (Monica Potter) would die.

What follows after that was one of the most entertaining, and very disturbing thriller movie I've ever seen, full of storyline twists and turns. Some people compared this movie with Se7en and well, I don't exactly agree with them but I could understand why they did so. I would say that people compared this movie to se7en because both have very disturbing stories. But a direct comparison seems to be inappropriate. All I could say that this one is different. And more importantly, it was entertaining. The acting was okay, not exceptionally good, but not downright bad either. What will keep the audience intrigued is the story, which is quite good.

A little hint (no spoilers content, I hope), if you like. The title of the movie, in my opinion, has multiple meanings. It could mean saw as a blade (like from chainsaw), since at the beginning of the movie, both men found saws hidden in the room. It could also mean saw as a past tense form of 'see'. Because everything you need to know to understand the twists and turns in this movie is shown in all the scenes in this movie. Hence, you SAW the hint (albeit this realization will come during the later sections of the movie).

So, for those who enjoy thriller, you should see this movie. I give it a score of 8 out of 10.

How Many Petals Are There Around The Rose?

2005-02-28T22:23:00.000+07:00

No, no, this is not a romantic narration. When one hears the word 'rose', one would most likely think about love, romance, and all their derivatives. But to generalize this would be most unfair: maybe it's just me, not most people. In any case, no, this is not a narrative about romance. It's about a mind game I just happen to come across during my trip to the virtual world that is the internet. The title of this narration is the title of the aforementioned game.

This is how you play the game: someone who knows how to play the game (or the player him/herself) rolls 5 dices and from the result of the roll the player have to guess 'How many petals are there around the rose'. The person familiar with the rules will tell you the answer only after the player have given the answer. The person should not divulge any hints as to how the correct answer is derived. All he could tell are the name of the game and the answer after the player have submitted his/her answer. All one must employ in coming up with the answer are a basic understanding of math and a 'creative' way of looking at the problem.

If I remembered correctly, I played this game and found the answer 15 minutes after I started playing it. Some people discovered the methodology behind the game not long after he/she started playing the game (less than 5 minutes). And some even took days to discover how the correct answer is derived. Some people discard the idea behind the game as trivial. However, some even said that the longer it takes for a player to discover how to play the game, the smarter the player.

I usually don't write about a game like this. But I found the idea behind the game very interesting, and worth writing about. I remembered trying to find out more about this game from googling (and, of course, trying to cheat my way into finding out how to calculate the correct answer, though in the end I desisted, knowing that I'd feel bad about it the next day) and reading some writing that said that a child could find out the methodology of calculating the answer faster than most adult. And I also read from a website that the 'smarter' you are, the longer it will take for you to discover the way to find out the correct answer. After finding out the method behind the game, I must say that I partially agree with the above two sentiments.

If you look back at the first paragraph of this narration, I mentioned a matter of perspective. Indeed, when one hears the word 'rose', there could be many associations that come to mind. One could associate it with romance. With love. With flowers in biological or botanical terms. And with many more associations. So it is with this game. I must say that it is true that one's effort in trying to find out the method to produce the correct answer in this game could reflect at how one look at the surrounding world. In another word, the game reflects at how a player views the surrounding world.

Some gave comments that, when summarized, showed an expression of stupidity for being able to uncover the method behind the game in a very short period of time (albeit due to some writings, like the one mentioned in previous paragraphs, about being smarter would make someone take an even longer time in discovering the method). I must say that I disagree with such sentiment. It is only a matter of perspective, a matter of how one look at the world. I say that the more complicated a person is, the longer it will take for the person to discover the correct answer to the game. And this coincides with the statement saying that children could figure out the answer to this game faster than most adults, because children are simple-minded and innocent. They have not been internalized with the 'possibilities' and 'impossibilities' of this world. They don't know what 'makes sense' and what 'doesn't make sense'. Smart or not is only a matter of perspective. I even heard there are many instances where the most genious ideas usually come out of children's mouths.

It is also not true to say that those who discovered the methodology in a very short period of time are childish people. It's just that the way they view the world is less complicated. Personally, I could even say that it's a good thing having a simple mind. For simple minds don't demand much. They tend to find the world more interesting and enjoyable than those with complicated minds. And, they tend to have less on their minds, making them less prone to depression and stress. But, once again, coming to matters of perspective, this probably is just how I look at things.

I was quite taken aback with the game's simplicity. At first, I almost discard the idea as trivial. But when I really looked at it, I found out that the meaning in this game was quite deep.

So, for those reading this narration trying to find out as how to come up with the correct answer, look somewhere else because you will not find it here. I suggest that you try to find out the 'trick' behind the game by yourself. When you do, you might consider it as trivial. And then again, you might, like me, become aware of the simple yet beautiful message behind it. But then again, it's only a matter of perspective.

Right?

(P. S. : Curious about the game? Just go to Google and type 'petals around the rose' in the search field and google away. You will find many websites where you could play this game.)

An Amazing Adventure Indeed

2005-02-20T22:45:00.000+07:00

Book Review
The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier and Clay
by Michael Chabon

An excellent book is a rare thing to come by. Indeed, there aren't many books out there that can inspire awe in readers in every way that a book can. However, Michael Chabon succeeded in doing just that with his Pulitzer-winning book "The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier and Clay".

The story is about two Jewish cousins who lived in New York in the years during the World War II. In 1939, with the last remaining riches of the family, Josef Kavalier's parents had sent him to America to live with his aunt and his cousin in Brooklyn, New York. However, Joe was haunted by guilt for being the only one who escaped from the Nazi's reign. Ever since his arrival in New York, Joe was determined to find a way to help his family escape from Europe. Samuel Klayman, the New York cousin, after seeing Kavalier's extraordinary talent in drawing, came up with a plan on how to do just that.

The cousins created a comic book hero named 'The Escapist' who "roams the globe, performing amazing feats and coming to the aid of those who languish in tyranny's chains!". Thanks to Sam's talent in storytelling and Joe's talent in drawing (helped in great amount by Joe's quite extensive knowledge in the art of escapism), the comic series was a success and a generous amount of money was acquired. However, money alone wasn't enough to help Joe in his effort to bring his younger brother Thomas to America. Frustrated by his many limitations, Joe expressed his anger toward the Nazi German through his aggressive behaviour toward people of German origin and through The Escapist comic book.

The story itself is of high quality. It's the kind of story that has the capability of touching the heart of the readers. Personally, I found that the main theme of the book is about hopes and dreams and the often frustrating limitations and hurdles encountered during a person's effort of achieving those desires. Josef Kavalier's character is the one that symbolizes this theme, and the art of escapism itself is a good metaphor for the shackles and hurdles often found during one's effort in realizing those hopes and dreams, be it physical limitations or even one's own past. There are of course other themes, but this was the one I found at the forefront of the whole storyline. I found myself concluding that the book in general is about Josef Kavalier. But the dedication Chabon put into fleshing out the other characters were very exceptional. Michael Chabon has succeeded in creating believable and likable characters, with excellent character developments. Characters in this novel are characters to whom readers could empathize. Readers could really understand their personality, their feelings, their intentions, their motives. I found myself at one point in the story feeling the same despair that Josef Kavalier felt in the story. In short, you'd think that these people did exist, because they felt so real.

The storytelling itself is, for most of the time, in chronological order. But every so often, during some point in a chapter, Chabon would first outlined the outcome of a series of events and then would later on put into details the preceding events that lead into the outcome previously described. Because of this, in the first few sections of the book, there were times when I felt as if I'd failed to catch some important story elements in the previous pages, only to find out later that the important story elements were to be pointed out later in subsequent pages. After getting used to this style of storytelling, this jumping-to-point-c-and-then-revealing-points-a-and-b style became the motivating factor to keep on reading the book even when I realized that it was 2.30 in the morning. This style had a very positive impact toward the story, an impact that would not be felt if the story had been written in a different style. One would have to read the book to be able to understand this point.

For me, this book is not exactly a casual read. The grammatical structures and the vocabulary used are something that most readers schooled in the art of literature would say as high-browed or high literature. I found myself often pausing and scratching my head trying to discern the meaning of certain sentences, or phrases, or even words. Those unfamiliar with the art of comic books, magic tricks and escapism (for those who are confused as to what 'escapism' refers to, think of Harry Houdini and you will get the general idea; better yet, just read this book) will often found themselves confused at the terms and words used in this book. However, the underlying implications and intentions of the story came through intact, even in the midst of confusing grammatical styles and unfamiliar vocabulary.

The level of detail in the storytelling was also impressive. Take note however, that the details are impressive in the sense that it was not so abundant in amount as to damper the story's progress, but impressive in the sense that it was enough to create a vivid and real picture of the situations Chabon intended to describe. In other words, the minute details help to bring the story to life.

Long-time comic book fans would be delighted to see some of the legendary persons in the comic book industry mentioned in this book (Stan Lee, of Spiderman fame and other Marvel super heroes characters, is one of them). As those who are interested in Harry Houdini would be pleased with the many references made in this book concerning his many endeavours in the art of escapism. Movie buffs would also be delighted by Chabon's nod to the great 'Citizen Kane', a revolutionary movie at the period of time in which the background of the story was set, produced and starred by Orson Welles.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that this book has a life of its own. It's as if Chabon has managed to somehow conjured up magic spells to infuse the story with a soul. It has succeeded in, among other things, convincing me that New York City is one of the places that I have to go to before I die. And a little suggestion: for those who love Jazz, reading this book while listening to jazzy tunes courtesy of Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong ('Autumn in New York' is especially fitting) is a perfect combination.

I myself actually have not finished reading the book. There were still around 100 pages left. But I can say this for sure: I'd be enjoying every word of the last 100-more pages. And I'd be closing the book with the feeling most readers would feel when a really, really exceptional book has to finally end. And when I have finished the book I will update this review.

(P.S: I also just found out that Michael Chabon was responsible for the screen story of 'Spiderman 2'. Stan Lee and Sam Raimi really had chosen the right person.)

Update:
I have finally finished reading the book. I must say that I found myself wanting to reinforce my previous opinion by saying that calling this book an amazing adventure could be never be more right. And about the story, it's really is amazing. I might be wrong calling this book mainly about Joe Kavalier, because Sam Clay also played a big part in it. We often find ourselves wanting to escape the limitations imposed by our environment. Wanting to escape from the reality of reality. In Josef's case, he found his escape in comic books, where his imaginations and desires take flight. Maybe it is us who, most of the time, bind ourselves in chains and locks of our own makings (be it our own concerns, guilt, or fears). And at times, or even often, it is through misfortunes that we find our golden keys that will free us out of our locks and chains. Three cheers for The Escapist!

Daily Routine

2005-02-16T14:31:00.000+07:00

My new daily routine (from Monday to Friday, that is)
1. Open my eyes and thinking "Shit, it's already morning again. What time is it?".....
2. "Goddamnit, it's 7.30! I'm fuckin' late!", jump out of bed and go straight to the bathroom to take a shower.
3. Change my clothes, eat breakfast, get my stuff (iPod mini, wallet, glasses, cellphone, company id card), said my goodbyes to my folks and go to the office by taxi.
4. Arrives at the office, go straight to my office, enter using the id card.
5. Go get my laptop in my locker (ain't gonna lug that heavy thing around unless I have to), set it up at my temporary desk and fire it up.
6. While waiting for the turtle-speed W2K to finish its so-slow boot up process, I go to the pantry, get myself a glass to drink, went to the dispenser, serve myself water and Nestle's 3-in-1 coffee.
7. Sit down, log in to the internet and Outlook, check incoming e-mails and start up whatever self-study program I have/need/want to go through.
8. Start yahoo messenger, and check whoever's online.
9. Let the time flies by, listening to my iPod (with the occasional trips to the toilet and water dispenser) until...
10. ...it's lunch time! (Options available: the building's food court, which is a waste of money; or the many food stalls just outside the building for a better worth of your money).
11. After lunch, go back to the office...
12. ...and continue whatever work I've been doing up until before lunch.
13. See point number 9.
14. ...it's 5 o'clock. Now I can relax for awhile before turning in for the day.
15. Pack up my laptop, put it in my locker (like I've said before, ain't gonna lug that thing around unless I have to).
16. Leave the building, walk to the nearest busway station, purchase a ticket, and wait until a bus comes along.
17. Enter bus, sit/stand (depending on the situation) and get off at Mangga Besar station.
18. Go get an 'ojek'.
19. Arrive at home, take a bath, go get something to eat from whatever menu's on the table.
20. Continue reading whatever book I'm reading.
21. Sleep.

Note: variations of activities exist. This mostly applies for points: 1 (sometimes I wake up early), 2 (sensible, since the comment would depend on variations in point 1), 9 (sometimes people would go to where I'm sitting and engage a conversation with me), 13 (see 9), 16 (if I'm too tired I take a taxi), 17&18 (will not applly if in point 16 I take a taxi), and 20 (I sometimes go online).

Boooorriiiingggg.....

Journeys, Part 2 (The End)

2005-02-08T16:54:00.000+07:00

Legacy

My uncle picked us up that Wednesday morning at our hotel. After packing our luggage, we moved out and headed straight for Wonosobo and Banjarnegara. Conversations were aplenty during the journey, but I stayed out of it most of the time. Participations were only when inquiries were made (usually by my uncle, or my mother who at one time succeeded in upsetting me by waking me up when I was about to doze off). The rest of the time were spent dozing off into broken dreams (thanks to my mom) and the occasional admiration toward the green views that surrounds the landscapes that we passed through.

I had always loved the colour green. Not in the superficial sense of ways (think fashion and design), but more into the natural sense of ways (think trees and mountains). For some reason, they have a calming effect on me. And the landscape itself were often beautiful and a sight to behold. It was such a shame that it rained most of the time. For if it wasn't because of it, I would have asked my uncle to stop the car for awhile so I could step out and take some picture with my currently favourite digital camera.

Banjarnegara was our main destination. For it was there that my father originated from. And it was there that the graveyard of my ancestors was located (albeit from my father's side of the family). I couldn't remember how long it took to get to Banjarnegara from Jogjakarta. All I could remember was that it was early afternoon when we got to the cemetery. The sun was shining brightly and the day was hot. My mother had to use her umbrella to block out the heat.

My father had mentioned this during quite a few instances in the past. And there at the cemetery he mentioned it again. It was about legacy. My name was put in both tombstones (on one as a grandson, and on the other as great-grandson). For those who have what I would term as normal core families, this might not be a significant matter. But to me, whose family did not fall into the 'normal' category, it was quite a significant matter.

The father that I mentioned in this narrative was not my biological father. He was a stepfather, married to my mother around two years after I was conceived. Biologically speaking, my name did not deserve to be engraved on the two tombstones. However, it was there, small and insignificant, but ever present. My feelings were vague concerning the matter. My feelings were alwasy vague when it came to matters concerning my stepfather.

On one hand, there was warmth. The engravings were a small token, a sign, that in a way my stepfather's family accepted me as part of the family. But on the other hand, trust was not something that is common in my relationship with my stepfather. For I had learned through the history of my life and also his that he did not do something or pointed out a matter without expecting something in return. His siblings did not exactly have a clean bill either in this regard.

Of course, there was always the possibility that he was just trying to win my love and trust. Personally, I would consider the chance of such possibility to be a lot smaller than a decimal, knowing him and his history. To think optimistically would of course be the best option (for the mind and body). Alas, distrust will always lurk in the back of my mind when the matter concerns my stepfather, like an itch that you could not scratch away. I could be wrong to distrust him. I could be right. Only time would tell. I just hope that Time would not be late in this regard.

I could not, however, try to discern as to what his true motives were, to frequently mention about the engravings. It could possibly only to make conversations. Something that I tried to keep in minimum amount with him.

Flower petals were poured, prayers were said, and finally we left the graves of grandparents and great-grandparents whose memory I could not clearly recall anymore.

The night was spent in a hotel in Bandungan, a town just outside Semarang. The scenery and weather would remind anyone who came from Jakarta of Puncak. We arrived in Semarang in the afternoon on the next day.

During our stay in Semarang, we paid a visit to an old relative from my mother's side of the family. He lived in a small house. It rested just around the corner of a three-way crossroad, small like a footnote at the bottom of a page, almost forgotten. The house was properly kept and it was clean enough. However it was not exactly a feast to the eyes. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the state of the house's looks did not trouble him at all. Appearance is not held in high regard when you're blind and half-deaf.

It was a good thing that he had a loyal nurse to take care of him. Unfortunately, he found such loyalty from his children quite lacking, non-existent even. His children did not pay visits, did not make calls to him, did not want to have anything to do with him. The matter has got my utmost attention.

There were times when I wonder about what I would do about my parents (my mother in particular). Would I take them under my wings. Or would I leave them. Would I be able to put up with my mom when she was starting to become a nuisance in matters concerning behaviour and speech. Would I be able to handle matters that may arise from having my parents and my own family in the same house. I know that I was not the only child in the family, for I have a younger brother. However, such matters usually fall in the hands of the eldest. And in my case, having two fathers did not help to enlighten the matter either.

In our beloved country and culture, the thought of leaving your aging parents in one of those houses for old people was so horrible that it could be considered blasphemy. However, I would not deny the fact that the thought crossed my mind in a few instances. I knew for a certainty though, that when the time comes I would not and could not bring myself to do such thing. At first, I felt ashamed and evil for letting such thought cross my mind. But later in an intimate disclosure made after the holiday was over with an old and very close friend, I knew that I was not the only one who had put such thought into consideration.

We left the old relative with his loyal nurse, and continued on with our journey.

It could be said that it was not the holiday that I had expected it to be, especially when matters above were taken into considerations. I found little peace and solace during the journey. The green landscape did little to enlighten my already dark mood. There were only more musings, considerations, and disappointments. And the fact that I'd be starting my new job the next week only made it worse. The whole affair only succeeded in waking up old ghosts and demons.

I found going back to Jakarta to be a relief. Watching the landscape disappears again under a blanket of clouds had always been a special kind of amusement for me. And it was quite fortunate that I once again got the window seat. There was a feeling of peace, looking at the land far below. It felt as if all the troubles in the world meant nothing from up here, insignificant in size.

However, as surely as everything that goes up will come down, so does the landscape would greet me again. Like old ghosts and demons, coming to greet me from the deep within my past. Old ghosts and demons, with whom I have not made my peace.

Jakarta greeted us like an old friend who does not know what to say to you anymore.

I could only hope that one day, I could come to terms with these old ghosts and demons. I hope I could one day have the courage to accept the fact that these old devils were only manifestations of my darkest side. And that to make peace with them is to accept them. Maybe in avoiding evil, I have become evil.

And I could only hope that the next destination in my journey is Bali (a place to which I have never been). Without my parents.

There it was, the end of my journey. The end of my ignorance.

(Author's note: Shortly before this writing was published, the author had made a different version of the writing that was principally the same in content. Due to the author's carelessness, it was lost during editing. The author had to cool himself down for a couple of minute before he could bring himself to say that if he could do it once, he could do it again. The end result was satisfying, however the regret was still there: the author still feels like banging his head to the wall for his carelessness).

Journeys, Part 1

2005-01-30T21:01:00.000+07:00

Journey Begins

The plane took off from Soekarno-Hatta airport at 10.45, a half hour earlier than the supposed schedule, on a cloudy Sunday afternoon. The man was pleased, since he got himself a window seat. His mother was sitting next to him. He was a little nervous, since he was flying in an airline that he never flew with before. Especially since one of the airline's parent company's plane just went through a landing accident in Solo. However, the more-than-standard quality of the airline's stewardesses somehow soothed him a little. In other words, they were of catwalk-model quality.

He had always loved the window seat. He enjoyed looking through the double-glassed hole, looking down at the earth as it grew smaller and smaller, as if all the buildings, the passing cars and motorcycles, the houses, the fields, were shrinking and shrinking. First, into matchbox-sized models, the landscape becoming something that you would find in a drawing during geography class. Later, it would completely become undiscernible, covered by clouds. He had always felt that there was something magical in the the way a plane takes off. And such was the same when the plane was about to land. It was magic, looking at the landscape growing larger and larger as the plane descends. It felt as if toy houses and matchbox cars were growing larger and larger and were slowly transforming from their small, dreamlike size into their large, reality size as the plane touched down.

He arrived in Jogjakarta earlier than expected. His father was already waiting. Business trips sure had their own perks, such as a more expensive flight (albeit with a different schedule, that is why the father arrived earlier). Alas, such thing only applied to his father for this instance. He came for his graduation, while his father came to give a presentation during a seminar in Semarang. He doesn't mind. He got his own catwalk-model quality entertainment during the flight.

Having a good business friend sure has its own advantages. In this matter, one of them was being provided with a car and a chauffeur. Though it was not available during the short commute from the airport to the hotel (they had to use the cab), but for the remainder of their stay in Jogja, they didn't have to worry about transportation. Thanks to the father and his good business friend.

For the next two days, the man's schedule was full with graduation preparations, meeting of friends, dinners with the father's business relation and of course, the graduation itself. There were a generous amount of photos taken; a generous amount of money paid for the photos; a generous amount of time used; a generous amount of the word 'congratulations' spoken, and of course, due to the thick nature of the graduation cape they forced you to wear, a generous amount of perspiration sacrificed to the gods of graduation ceremonies (if ever such things existed).

There was a strong urge for the man to go to Borobudur. His friends had denied the trip to this so-called 'one of the wonders of the world' in his previous visits to Jogjakarta. Since he felt that there lies only a small chance for him to go back to Jogjakarta in the future, he felt motivated to go to this place that was considered holy by the buddhist people. He felt that maybe, being there at the top would bring him omens, good omens for his future. The father and the mother agreed to his plea, and shortly after all graduation matters were taken care of, they went there with the business relation's car and chauffeur.

Their arrival at Borobudur was greeted by souvenir, food and beverage sellers, eager to sell any of their wares to the visitting tourists. They were quite 'pushy', figuratively and literally. A very uncomfortable situation. On one side, there were a feeling of pitty, for since the many bombings, the number of visitting tourists (especially foreign ones) had dwindled, turning the once lucrative tourism business into nothing more than a sad state of affair. But on the other side, there was disgust for their overzealous and outragous effort in promoting their 'tourism' wares. The man overheard one of the hawkers peddling a miniature of 'becak' for US$350 to one of the visitting foreign tourists. They were all over these tourists like bees crawling all over their hives.

Not an omen the man was expecting.

However, they were there and there's no other choice but to move forward. Quite a generous amount of pictures were taken (that is, until his digital camera went out of battery). Reluctant to use his Olympus camera, trying to reserve the film inside it, he used his handphone digital camera. His parents waited at the base of the structure while he climbed the steep steps that led to the stupas on top. The view was great, worth sweating for.

Being trustful is sometimes a disadvantage (a point that is arguable, of course). But on that day, such sentiment was true. In this case, they trusted the arrow signs with the word 'exit' printed on them. And some guy with a horn in his hand hollering at passerbys to follow the 'exit' sign. It was like trapped within a maze, or maybe one of those queue lines you'd find in an amusement park (think Dufan). But the difference was that on your left and right weren't railings, but souvenir shops with hawkers being figuratively and literally pushy.

So much for good omens.

That Wednesday was closed by a parting dinner with the aforementioned business friend of the father. The next day they will continue their travel. The would be visitting Wonosobo and Banjarnegara. And in Banjarnegara, they would be visitting some old ghosts in a graveyard.

to be continued...

An E-Mail Reply

2005-01-22T02:12:00.000+07:00

Wow,

Ha ha ha, it's interesting to read what A and Ch wrote. Looks
like there are lots of different takes on matters relating to religion
and faith, and of course, God. I was especially intrigued by what
Chicha said about God and religion being merely something that people
would like to believe to give reasons for everything that went wrong
in their lives. Or some other people's lives, that is. Well, the
westerners aren't the only people who came up with this 'conclusion'.
I happened to come across real life examples. Lots of 'em.

One in particular happened on a Friday night about two weeks ago. I
was on my way to a friend's wedding. I took a taxi and was riding
shotgun (next to the driver, that is). As it often happens whenever a
gues is riding shotgun, most taxi drivers feel compelled to try and
strike a conversation with his guest. And at that time, this was true.

So, he opened by asking me why at that time there were so many
soldiers guarding buildings around the Thamrin-Sudirman area. I told
him that I haven't been watching the news all day (Well, actually I
haven't been watching any news, period), so I couldn't relieve him of
his curiosity. Maybe there's a bomb threat, he said. I said that that
was a possibility (I would later found out that leaders from Asian
countries and others were holding a conference here in Jakarta that
dayconcerning the tsunami and the disaster that it has brought along
and what to do about it).

He would go on to say about how the tsunami has brought about a
disaster of such magnitude. I couldn't agree with him more. Then he
went on to say that maybe God wanted to punish the Aceh people for
going against the Indonesian government, don't you think so? I mean,
Aceh and GAM are moslems. The government and military are also
moslems. They're supposed to be brothers in Islam. They're not
supposed to fight each other. Maybe God wanted to punish the Aceh
people for going against the rightful government. Don't you think so?

At this point, I didn't know what to say. I wish I could just say that
it was a natural disaster. I don't know about whether God had a hand
in it. I wish I could say that why God doesn't punish the government
and military instead? They also caused a lot of pain to the Aceh
people, why not punish them also? Why not punish Jakarta instead? I
wish I could say to the taxi driver not to blame it on God. I wish I
could say that it's not that simple. But then again, who am I to speak
on God's behalf?

The only word that came out of my mouth was 'maybe.'

Maybe.

Well, yeah, maybe. So, it seems that there was no way that people
could predict this thing, this...what do you call it?
Tsunami.
Yeah, tsunami. What kind of a word is it anyway?
It's a Japanese word.
Oh yeah? How did the Japanese come up with it anyway?
Ummm, well, from what I know, the Japanese has got a lot of experience
with earthquakes. And tsunami usually comes after an earthquake.
Oh yeah? So the Japanese has got a lot of experience with it? I
thought this thing couldn't be predicted.
Well, it is kinda hard to predict. But from what I know, some people
survived because they were able to read the signs. The signs that
tells a tsunami was about to happen. There are actually ways to
predict a tsunami happening. It might not save all of them, but it
might save some who would be threatened by it.
I see.

Maybe it was just me, but it seems that from my explanations, his
early assumptions about the 'Hands of God' being so Almighty and
unpredictable seems a bit dashed. Then again, maybe it was just me.
All I know is that the taxi driver dropped the subject and went on to
talk about what kind of event I was going to. So I told him about the
wedding party.

The wedding party turned out to be the best I've ever been to, but
that of course is another story entirely.

I guess, we believe what we want to believe. I just don't know what
those Aceh people believe in right now. But I'd like to believe that
right now, they're trying to cope with it as best as they could. I'd
like to believe that right now, God or Whoever it is, is giving them
the strength to deal with whatever it is that is on their hands right
now. But I guess, most of all, I would like to believe that even in
this dire predicament, they would be able to realize that inside their
soul, there lies a strength that they didn't know exist. A strength to
be Godlike. A realization that eventhough we view ourselves as
unworthy, each of us are actually Small Gods, in our own ways.

Well, I have this long article. I hope you guys won't mind reading it.
But I think you'll be able to learn something out of it.

--------------------------------------------------start of
article------------------------------------------------------------

The incredible generosity of the tsunami's survivors.
By Eric Lichtblau

Villagers wearing surgical masks rummage through debris

BANDA ACEH, Indonesia—Yusmadi Sulaiman sat cross-legged on the drab
concrete floor, taking another drag from his cigarette. With the
electricity still out in much of Banda Aceh, in the northwest tip of
Indonesia's Sumatra island, the faint light of a candle illuminated
his tears as he told how the giant wave of the tsunami—a word Sulaiman
had never even heard a few days earlier—had reached out and swallowed
his family whole like some nightmarish scene from a Hollywood movie.

One moment, Sulaiman told me, his 4-year-old son was clutched in his
arms as father and son clung to a coconut tree. The next moment, the
boy was gone. Sulaiman heard his wife calling out to him a few feet
away, as she held on to their 8-year-old daughter.

"Hold me, Bang, hold me," the wife cried, using the Indonesian term of
reverence for a spouse. Soon enough, she and her daughter were gone,
too, washed away in the flood that some of the locals came to know
scornfully as "Black Sunday."

It was three days after the Dec. 26 tsunami when Sulaiman and I first
spoke. A spry, youthful-looking man of 60 who drives a delivery truck
for a local food company, Sulaiman had been searching for days for his
wife and four children in the streets and alleys of his hardscrabble
village, streets now lined with bodies and rubble, and he would keep
looking for days after that. He would not find them.

Yet even amid such overwhelming tragedy, Sulaiman and many other
survivors with whom I spoke in the days after the tsunami carried an
air of hope and of optimism. They talked of rebuilding, and they
displayed a generosity that was unmistakable. Sulaiman exhibited that
spirit when he overheard that my translator and I were looking to
reach an area of devastation some miles away. "Let me drive you," he
interjected. "No, no—that's not necessary," I told him.

"Please, let him," said his employer, a Jakarta businessman named Yusi
Pura who had ventured up to Banda Aceh to see if Sulaiman and other
employees were still alive. "He wants to help. It would make him feel
better. Please."

It was only by fluke that I was even in Indonesia. Visiting friends in
the Indonesian capital of Jakarta, I was on a tiny motorboat that
Sunday morning en route to Krakatoa—a volcano that, coincidentally or
not, set off one of the last major tsunamis in 1883 when it erupted
and killed 40,000 people. Our boat was rocked by swells so strong that
we were drenched in seawater and left grabbing for the life
preservers; it was not the casual Sunday boat ride we'd expected, to
be sure, but we had no idea until many hours later, after an
exhausting jaunt to the top of the still-smoldering volcano, that we
had just survived a major calamity centered immediately to our north.

Even some eight hours later, after we saw the first CNN crawl about a
strong earthquake, the damage appeared to be focused in Thailand and
Sri Lanka, and we had no idea of the enormity of the event. Indeed,
the Indonesians themselves would not realize for several days just how
badly they had been hit—until they began to receive reports of tens of
thousands of dead in tough-to-reach coastal regions south of Banda
Aceh.

Two bodies sit in a canal days after the tsunami

Soon enough, it became clear just how big a story this was—a human
drama far removed from the staid press conferences and congressional
hearings that I normally cover for the New York Times in Washington,
D.C. Starting my reporting in Jakarta, I was in the office of Mike
Elmquist, the disaster coordinator for the United Nations in
Indonesia, when he received an alarming report: An employee in the
region said as many as 40,000 people might be dead in the town of
Meulaboh, several hundred miles to the south of Banda Aceh. The report
couldn't be confirmed, he said, but if it was true. … His voice
trailed off. Within days, as authorities reached Meulaboh by boat,
air, and land, it became clear that the number might well be even
higher.

I was able to get a commercial flight up to Banda Aceh, surrounded by
Jakarta residents packing boxes of water, noodles, and Dunkin' Donuts
for friends and relatives. Some travelers bribed airline ticket agents
to get on the jammed flight.

Yusi, the Jakarta businessman who had gone looking for his employees
in Banda Aceh, quickly befriended my translator and me on the plane
ride up and insisted that we stay with him at the undamaged house his
company occupied just blocks outside the zone of devastation. While
dozens of newly arrived Western reporters slept side-by-side on the
floor of a makeshift media center a few blocks away, I may have been
the only journalist in Banda Aceh lucky enough to get my own room,
sparse as it was. More important, he and his employees quickly offered
me a tour of what was left of the local town, pointing out landmarks
that were no longer standing.

The devastation was remarkable. The unclaimed bodies of men, women,
and children, bloated and bloodied, dotted the streets and riverbeds.
Row upon row of shops and homes sat in rubble for miles, one building
indistinguishable from the next. A three-story government finance
building was flattened like a pancake. Vending carts were snapped like
twigs. Brightly colored fishing boats lay capsized in the streets,
hundreds of yards from the shoreline.

A coastal town 5 miles south of the heart of Banda Aceh, almost a week
after the tsunami

Perhaps most powerful was the putrid stench of death and decay that
was everywhere, forcing survivors to don surgical masks to ward off
the odor as they walked the streets. At one mass graveyard near the
airport on the outskirts of the city, home to some 6,000 bodies and
counting, the stink was overpowering.

Before arriving, I had heard a lot about the ardent anti-American
views held by many in the Aceh region, particularly here in an area
where Muslim separatists had been waging civil war for decades. I was
prepared for that hostility, but it never materialized. What I was not
prepared for, as I roamed the streets of the ravaged region, was the
site of countless villagers left homeless and hungry who were
nonetheless offering Western relief workers, journalists, and soldiers
a place to sleep, a bottle of water, or a plate of fresh noodles.

We inevitably offered them money for their kindness. Almost no one
would take it. Even a villager who offered to take me for a ride down
the coast on his motorcycle and "show me where the bodies are" (he
made good on his promise in unforgettably grim fashion) refused to
accept any money for gasoline, which was in very short supply.

All that the locals wanted, it seemed, was for the world to know what
was happening in their remote island region. "Tell your President Bush
we need help," implored one young woman at a refugee camp, as she gave
me a list of painkillers, laxatives, and other needed medical supplies
to forward to the U.S. authorities.

Saifuddin Abdurrahman, a leader of a local mosque in Banda Aceh, had
helped set up a refugee camp on its grounds. As I toured the place,
survivors told me the Indonesian government had let them down, so
religious leaders had to step in and do what they could. A thousand
survivors made do with two toilets among them, and they cooked
vegetable soup for themselves in an oversized kettle over an open
fire. Across an alley, bloody gauzes lay strewn on the ground at what
amounted to a makeshift infirmary for the wounded survivors, and a
wooden bench served as an operating table.

The night before I visited the infirmary, one man had died of an
infection from wounds suffered in the tsunami. The doctor, a young
Muslim woman who had been trying to catch a nap when I arrived,
explained that she had no antibiotics with which to treat the man and,
worse yet, no way to get him to a local hospital. "We need help, a lot
of help," she said.

Abdurrahman did what he could. After one employee at the mosque lost
his wife, a son, and his home to the tsunami and was unable to walk
from his own wounds, Abdurrahman brought the man back to his home in
what by local standards is a posh section of Banda Aceh. The man lay
sprawled on a mattress in Abdurrahman's living room, his daughter
tending to his wounds.

"I don't have the power to do anything," the man said. "I just pray to
Allah. There is nothing else to do."

Eric Lichtblau is a reporter in the Washington bureau of the New York
Times. He covers the Justice Department for the Times.

------------------------------------------------------end of
article-----------------------------------------------------------

"Wait, Wait! Time out! Time....awww shit, too late...."

2005-01-12T23:03:00.000+07:00

Two calls in one day. Two! In the same day! And to add it up, the last one asked me to come again the next day. Come again! The next day! Can y'all believe that?

Some people might say that I'm a lucky S O B. Well, interview calls are no guarantee that I'll succeed. But still, c'mon! It was only last week that I started looking for work. Even that was only a half-hearted effort. Did it only to stop mom from yelling "Get a goddamn job, you goddamn lazy bum!" (my mom's actually a very kind person, it's just me that making that up whenever I see her eyes). Heh, even eyes can talk.

Well, I've had enough idle times. Too much idle time actually, that boredom and occasional depression has become a close companion.

But now, I'm beginning to feel that I'm gonna miss my idle time. Gonna miss my boredom, my depression. Gonna miss my period of ignorance, of not doing anything and enjoying life without having to fight for something. Of reading lots and lots of books, of playing lots and lots of video games, of lots and lots of hangin' out with friends on weekends and week days.

Look, I may not get any of these offers after all in the end. But it kinda scare me, all these sudden interviews and psychology test. Kinda scared that maybe, maybe, I'll be loosing my social life in the near future. That maybe, maybe, I won't like the job. That maybe, maybe, I'm making a big mistake working for these companies. Maybe, maybe, I should start my own business. Maybe, maybe, I'll be so goddamn good at my job that I'll end up working for many, many years for the company and not be able to see any other options in life. Maybe, maybe I'll end up being an ordinary salaryman, working day in, day out, becoming a wage slave, losing touch with my close friends. Maybe, maybe, I won't be a movie star or a well known celebrity afterall...

Huh? Wha waz dat?

Anyways...

I don't know. Lots of maybes.

I guess I'm just afraid of this whole thing. Afraid of making a mistake. Kept telling myself that life's all about making mistakes and learning from them. But still....

Maybe I should try to be a movie star, or a model maybe?

Huh?

What was that again?

..........

Anyways!

Well, I know I'd like to be a lecturer one day. But a lecturer without experience in the real world sounds like an empty shell. So, I guess it wouldn't hurt to go out there and work for awhile. Maybe I could become a better lecturer that way.

Maybe I'm just all freaked out. Nah, I won't lose touch with my buddies. Nah, I still can have a social life. Nah, I still have a chance of opening up my own business (whatever that will be). Nah, I still could be a movie star or a model or a celebrity....

Huh?

Come again?

Nah....anyways!!!

Oh well, just hope that it all turns out for the best.

Come to think of it, it'd suck if I ended up not getting any of 'em job offer. Ha ha ha!

The Snake

2005-01-05T15:35:00.000+07:00

It was a bright morning. The meadow was green and peaceful. A perfect morning for a walk. And the view was like paradise, should there be one. I was enjoying the view when I came upon a large, white snake. It was nothing like any snake I have ever set eyes upon. It's skin was white as snow and it sparkled in the morning sun.

It was strange to think of the snake as beautiful, but beautiful is the word that came into mind when I saw the white snake. Beautiful, and fearsome.

I wanted to turn around and run, for legends told that snakes represent evil. It was a snake that tempted the First Woman in Eden. It's sparkling white skin was a testament to the snake's power of seduction. And seduction is poison.

As I was about to run, the snake called out to me.

Wait boy, he said. I could slither to you faster than the wind, and I could bind you hard, so hard that your body will melt and all I have to do is swallow you. But fear not, for that is not my desire. Boy, I would like you to spare some time with me. Come, sit next to me and I would like to reveal a secret to you. But run, and you will lose your life.

I had no choice but to agree to the snake's bidding. Trying to relax, I sat down next to it.

Thank you, boy. Now, let us begin. What do you know about me?

I know that you are a snake. I also know that I am not to trust you.
So, why do you sit down next to me? You could have thought that I was just lying to you about being able to chase you down and just turn around and run away.
So, what is it that made you stay?
You are beautiful.
Am I, now?
Your white skin, bright as a snow, I've never seen anything like it.
Ahhh, humans and their curiosity. It's always been like that from the beginning.

What do you mean?

The snake hissed, and continued,
I was there, in the beginning. I was the one who showed The First Woman the way to the Fruit.
The forbidden fruit?
Yes. The Fruit.
Why did you tempt her to eat the fruit?

The snake fell silent for a moment, yet it felt as if eternity has passed before it spoke again,

I did not tempt her. She was the one who tempted me.
Really? Why should I believe you? You're the master of deceit. Your words are like poison!

The snake hissed menacingly, and spoke,
Boy! Think about it! I am The Snake, it would be easy for me to kill you and swallow you, but I didn't. Why would I bother telling you all this? Hearken to me, boy, and you may yet keep your life! Stay with me, and you may find something that is useful to you.

I found myself frightened by the ferocity of its words. And the story has already enchanted me.
Please, go on, I submitted to him.

The snake settled itself on top of a rock and continued,
Do you know that The One has endowed to you human beings power that even you don't realize you have?
But surely, you have more power than us mere mortals.
It may seem so. But alas, even I was tempted by The Woman. She tempted me with curiosity.
But isn't it said that The One forbade The First Man and Woman to eat the fruit?
Boy, The One hath given Them curiosity. The One wanted to see if the gift It hath given them was put to good use. And it was.

As I was curious myself. The One hath created The Tree and The Fruits, and it was there in plain view. It must have it's own purpose. As hath The One hath created me. For I am to be the guide. I was endowed with the knowledge of The Path to The Tree, yet The One did not endowed me with the knowledge of the power of The Fruit.

So, you were the guide that has taken us humans to our doom?

Boy, The Woman tempted me. She tempted also the First Man to help her clear the way to the Tree, for it was a path strewn with branches full of thorn only I was able to go through. Only The Man's power could help The Woman clear the way to The Tree.

Then The Woman was the one who brought us humans to our doom?

Curiosity hath also taken the heart of The Man, for if it has not, then temptation would not have gripped it so hard.
Boy, you must know, that everything that has passed has its purposes. The One did not punish Man because of their curiosity. It is part of the freedom The One hath endowed upon humankind.
After The Consumption of The Fruit, The One did not banish humankind out of paradise. It told them to go because It wanted them to out new places, expand their freedom.

But why is it then that Legend told us that Humankind has fallen into Sin and that through suffering may they redeem their souls?

Boy, have you not learned anything?
Humankind hath been given Freedom by The One. It is in this freedom that they are free to act in their own desires. But through this freedom some seek to attain other people's freedom.
Legend changes as time flows. And some altered it to create Fear in the hearts of Man. For Fear is the chain that binds freedom. And those who holds fear in their hands, have power over others.
These people, desiring power over others, altered Legends, creating an enemny called Evil, and uniting humankind in the struggle against Evil. They have also created Fear, Fear of The One, to control others. Humankind did not realize that Evil is only but a Name. Freedom is theirs from the beginning, and Altered Legend only blinded them to The Truth.

So, what is The Truth? Asked I.

The Snake slithered past me. It went up to the nearby hill.

Remember what I have told you, Boy. Ponder upon it. The Truth is ever elusive. But if you let your heart free, it will know The Truth in time.

With that, a bright light shone, and in place of The Snake an Angel stood.

Boy, am I an Angel posing as a Snake? Or am I a Snake disgusing myself as an Angel?
Am I Good posing as Evil, or am I Evil disguising myself as Good?
Nothing is what it seems. Remember that.

And with that, it flew away.

The sun was high in the sky. And I was all alone. The Snake, or the Angel, has gone. And all around me the meadow lies. Beautiful as paradise, if there is such a thing.

A Tragedy

2004-12-30T22:40:00.000+07:00

It was horrifying looking at those casualty numbers going ever higher. Didn't realize at first that it was that bad.

May God bless all those who suffer because of the tragedy.

For Mas Rusdi, Mbak Cici and Fia, I could only pray that your lost relatives could be found. May God give you strength.

A Realization

2004-12-25T19:43:00.000+07:00

The more I write, the more I realize that words just couldn't describe the things that I intended to to describe.

How do you describe love?
How do you describe disappointment?
How do you describe contentment?

And how do you find the right words to describe how it feels when you're experiencing all three at the same time? No matter how much words are put into writing, they still wouldn't be able to describe the texture of the moment; the way the heart beats; how life seems to focus on one thing and one thing only.

Love, disappointment and contentment. All at the same time.

I don't even know whether 'love', 'disappointment', and 'contentment' are the right words to describe the feelings. Maybe I chose to give those feelings these names. These labels.

I don't know.

But I will keep on writing. Even when I couldn't find the right words, I will keep on writing. Even if I couldn't find the right names, I will keep on writing. Even if I couldn't find the right feelings, I will keep on writing.

It is one of my 'happiness'.

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T01:28:00.000+07:00

Merry Christmas, all you people out there.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

2004-12-23T01:19:00.000+07:00

Well, I just couldn't let mother's day pass without giving some kind of comment on it. Especially since my mom's one of the most important person in my life.

So, here I am, writing something up.

I'll be brief. Mom, I love you and admire you. If I were in your shoes and went through the hell that you went through, I might not have made it out alive. You're one tough woman, and I raise my hat in honor of you.

Once, I put you second to God. For I have no other guide at that time besides you. I'm sorry for giving you so heavy a burden. After all, you're only human.

And I have paid dearly for that. With my disappointment.

Forgive me mom, for expecting too much out of you. Now, the person second to God is myself. You're in third. But that's only numbers. And you're still my mother. And that's saying a lot.

Give me some more time to be able to change how I see you. To get over my expectations of you. To accept you just the way you are.

I still love you and respect you. In that respect, nothing has changed. You're one tough mother. And you deserve better things in life. I hope that in time, you will get those things.

No matter what the Catholic Church think about you, excommunication does not represent God's will. It's just rule. God bless you, mother. I'm very sure of it. Even if the Catholic Church doesn't think so. You have the body of Christ and the blood of Christ runs through it. Don't listen to those priests who only knows about rules of the world, for the heart and soul know no such rules.

May God help free you from the burden of your past.

I am not a perfect son. I still have fear of ending up just like your husbands. I could only hope that I could be a better man than them. For you, but importantly for myself.

So, happy mother's day, dear mom. God bless you, for sure.

Looks like it's not as brief as I thought it would be.

2004-12-21T01:32:00.000+07:00

Musings

I went through my blog list, the writings I've published so far in this site. I just realized something: I talked too much.

I put in too much details. Hours, minutes, little things that in the end don't matter. Probably I was just showing off, about how I could remember little details. Probably I just wanted to remember all those memories. To cling on to them. To make them eternal.

But, no matter how hard I try, they all slipped off my grasp. Carried away like falling leaves blown by the wind. The more I try to cling on to eternity, the more elusive it becomes.

What am I without my memories? Who am I without memories? And yet all the memories are slipping away from me.

Write all I could, but no words could really describe the memories. How exhilirating it was when the wind caress my face. How soothing a mother's lullaby was. How fast was my heart beat when I taste my first kiss. How torn apart my heart was when my lover told me it's all over. How excited I was when I found out about one of the biggest secrets in my life.

None of these words could describe the memories. Will the memories stay with me? And will people keep their memories of me? Did I mean anything to them?

It was just musings. Nothing important. At least I got something to write.

And yes, I still talk too much.

2004-12-20T17:21:00.000+07:00

Songs I've Been Listening To

1. 'Paper Moon', Ella Fitzgerald (thanks to verypurpleperson's blog I got hooked to this song)
2. 'Addicted to You', Utada Hikaru (My favourite Japanese singer)
3. 'Lucy's', Mindi Abair (Easy Jazz, damn I like 'em!)
4. 'Flirt', Mindi Abair (detecting a pattern?)
5. 'Toxic', Britney Spears (you go, slutty!)
6. 'Extreme Ways', Moby (Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremacy)

This list will always be updated on a frequent basis.

2004-12-20T01:19:00.000+07:00

A Man from the Past

Woke up at my friend's house. The time was around 9.30. I was supposed to go to my campus to take care of graduation matters. And there's another appointment that I wasn't exactly looking forward to. Meeting up with my biological father. He wanted to treat me for my birthday.

The handphone was ringing when I woke up. It was him. He called to ask whether or not we're meeting that day. I told him that it was on (can't say no, don't wanna run away from him). Oh yeah, he called me a lazy bum for waking up so late. Ha ha ha, so what? I just passed my final exam. I think being lazy is a luxury I could afford for now. He was just joking. It was kinda strange, joking with him. Yet it felt natural too.

We decided to meet up at Plaza Senayan. Easier for me and him too.

I went home first since there were things that I have to submit for my graduation. Came a bit late to Plaza Senayan (I promised to be there at 1 in the afternoon, got there around 1.45).

The thing was that I wasn't looking forward to meeting up with him. What was I supposed to say to him? 'Hi, how are you? How's work? How's Wanda? She doing okay? How's Auntie Nona? Still in contact with her?' I don't know. I felt that it was going to be awkward talking to someone so familiar and yet so distant at the same time. And another thing was that my mom warned me to be careful with him. He may wanted to use me for his own end.

'Why now, after all this time? Why now, when you're about to graduate from UI? I think it's because soon you'll be making money, and money is what he always need.'

I wish I could just run away. And I almost did.

For some reason, my handphone's signal at that time suddenly turned very bad. Actually, it wasn't picking up any. Tried turning it off and turning it on again. Tried pulling out the SIM card and putting it in again. Didn't work. I couldn't contact my dad. And I thought that it's gonna be hard trying to find him without my cellphone working. Maybe the network was busted? I don't know.

I thought that it was a sign for me to give up looking for my dad that Friday. I thought maybe it was a sign telling me that I wasn't meant to meet up with my real father that day. I thought that maybe it was a good excuse for me to run away from the meeting.

And I did give it up for awhile. What I did? I went to Johnny Andrean to get a hair cut. It was nice, being massaged in the head. And a new hair cut, it made me feel good. It's been more than a month since my last hair cut.

Almost went home, but for some reason I felt that I should give it a try again. My cell still wasn't picking up any signal. I had no idea how I could find him in a place as big as Plaza Senayan. But for some reason, I kept trying to look for him. Eventhough I didn't want to.

Maybe it was logical thinking. Maybe it was pure hunch. But I thought that since we were meeting for lunch, he might be looking for me around restaurant areas. And the most obvious place was food court. I went there. He wasn't there. I wanted to walk away, look at other areas, probably went straight home and give it up. But still I waited in front of the food court.

A young man came up to me (well, he looked young) and asked whether he could borrow my cell for awhile. I told him I'd like to, but I wasn't picking up any signal. I showed him my cell and it was still not picking up any signal. He said that he was meeting up with someone but his cell ran out of juice and he couldn't make any calls to that person. I told him that I was meeting up with someone too and I also couldn't make any phone calls. He introduced his name to me (Boy) and I introduced mine to him. He said he's meeting his client (a bit strange, since he was dressed like an ABG), and I told him that I'm meeting up with Dad and that he's outside of town a lot (a bit of white lie).

And just like that, I saw my dad walking in front of me.

'I could do some telepathy, but only to your father. Once we were at Hai Lai's grand opening, your dad went to the front desk to choose a door prize number. I told him to pick up a certain number. He went to the front desk and soon was lost among the crowd. At that moment I suddenly had a strong hunch that I should choose a different number. I wanted to run to your father and told him to change his number, but I couldn't find him among the crowd. You know what I did? I tried telepathy. I whispered in my mind the number over and over again. Not long after that, your father returned and I asked him, what number he chose. He told my mother that for some reason, he heard someone whispered to him to change the number. And he did. And the number was exactly the same number as the number that came up in my hunch. And we won the door prize. That was one occasion. The other occasion was when one day I got a fever. During the night I tried telepathy again, you know, just for fun. I whispered that I was sick and I told your father to come in the morning. He did. When my mother asked how he knew I was sick, he told her that someone whispered to him during the night.'

I bid good bye to Boy and called my dad. Seemed like I couldn't run away anymore.

Maybe I really wanted to see him afterall.
Me and my eternal search for a father figure

'Tell your son, that he will never find his father in this world. He belongs to God. God is his father. You will also have to give him up to God.'

So, we had lunch at Kiyadon. And I did ask all those stupid (well, maybe not so stupid) questions.
My stepsister's doing fine at Electrical Engineering Department in Gadjah Mada University.
Dad hasn't been in contact with Tante Nona, my stepmother and his soon-to-be ex-wife.
Work was fine. Been getting a lot of orders and projects.

And he also asked a couple of questions.
Any girlfriends (none)
What to do next after graduation (get a job)
What kind of job (not banking, for sure, maybe become a teacher/docent)

We had a good chat. He gave me a million as a birthday present. Hey, I could use some money. But of course it made me feel awkward.

'Do you think he could read my mind?'

He went back to his office after the lunch. I went back home. It may seem like nothing, but to me facing him is something that I need to do. After all, he played a part in bringing me here to this world. I'm not running away. My mother can't protect me forever and I have to learn to face him.

I just hope that he's a better person now.

'His father is not of this world.'

My father uses the same network as I do (Satelindo). And there was nothing wrong with the signal on his cell during the lunch (I saw his cell and the signal meter was full). My cell picked up signal again after the lunch, when I got out of Plaza Senayan.

2004-12-14T23:23:00.000+07:00

It's My Birthday!! Yay!!

Well, I'm back in Jakarta again. Jakarta and its hectic pace of living. Jakarta and its traffic jam. Jakarta and its night life. Jakarta and my friends.

And it's also my birthday. My passing the thesis hearing made for a very good birthday present. And staying in Jogja for more than a week was a badly needed holiday. In that case, any chance of leaving Jakarta for awhile that I could get my hands on, I'll take it. And it was worth it, as always.

I love my birthday. Especially when friends remember it. All those sms and e-mails and phone calls, make me feel like all the attention is on me. Me and my narcissistic tendencies, huh? Whatever, I know I feel happy (if it is happiness). Let's just keep it at that.

Guess I could only hope that things stay the same in the coming years (small chance at that, knowing how life keeps throwing shit at you).

So, is it all sunshine today? (12 minutes before my birthday's over)

Guess not. I still remember that I turned down a chance to go to Solo to meet up with my stepdad there. To try and get to know him better. To be on speaking term with him. To try and give him a chance to prove himself. He's giving a seminar/training there. He wanted me to go and meet him there. I cancelled.

Why?

Maybe because I was so damn tired that the thought of taking a taxi or a train from Jogja to Solo was such a bother.

Maybe because my stepfather's not a fun person to be with, because he's all serious and shit.

Maybe because my stepfather's planning on taking me to Semarang and Banjarnegara (his hometown) and I just didn't feel like it. Especially meeting up with his siblings. Not exactly a prospect I'm looking forward to.

Maybe because I just want to spend my birthday in Jakarta with my friends.

Maybe I don't wanna spend more money for travelling expenses (but it's not my money anyway)

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I'm just scared of giving him my trust and getting hurt again in the end.

My father called me earlier today. He told me happy birthday and ask whether I'm free on Friday. He asked me to go to lunch with him and asked where to pick me up. He asked me to confirm the place.

Another thing I'm not exactly looking forward to.

But I know I gotta make my peace with these individuals. Soon, before they die of old age. Because I know I'm going to regret it if I don't make peace with them. If I don't try and give them a chance to prove themselves. If I don't give a chance for myself to get to know these people and try to forgive them. Because I know I'm no better than them. Becasuse one day, I'll be in their shoes.

Karma, I guess.

So, my birthday was great (it's 0:08, December 15th, not my birthday anymore shucks). I'm reminded that I still have great friends (with or without benefits he he he) in the present and that it's all I have for now and that it's enough. Guys, thanks for all the sms and e-mails and the phone calls.

I still have my parents, though they're not perfect (mom, thanks for all the love and the money too hahaha c'mon I'm just joking mom, ya know I love ya dearly). Oh yeah, thanks for the things you brought for me from Singapore.

I have a new academic degree (makes my name longer, at the VERY least).

I had more than I could handle for my dinner (bro, sorry if I only ate half of that noodle that you bought, not that I didn't appreciate it, my tummy's too full for it).

I have two bastards for fathers but hey, I'm a bastard myself so who am I to judge them eh?

I'm still single and enjoying it (but it gets kinda lonely at times).

And I have a twisted life story that maybe one day I could exploit for personal benefit he he he.

In any case, happy birthday to me. May karma hit me one day and teach me humility, if there's such a thing.

2004-12-09T13:37:00.000+07:00

Credits and Acknowledgements

At long last, my thesis is done. It's only been a day since the hearing and I already forgot the title of my own thesis (insert laugh and snigger here). However, no man is an island (some would argue strongly on that). And I wouldn't have passed this milestone without the help of so many individuals. In this light, I would like to extend my thanks to all those who have helped me along the way.

It is strange how a milestone like this could make someone rethink about all the things in his life.

First of all, thanks to Mr. Agus Sartono for all his help and advices during the thesis development. Although I was in Jakarta during the research and he in Jogja, and although most of our communications were done through e-mails, he has done all his duty as a advisor without fail. So, once again, thank you for all the time and effort.

I would also like to thank Mr. Mamduh Hanafi, for being the 'inquisitor' during the hearing. Thank you so much for your endless questions during the hearing, and thank you for your little smile (it helped a bit, since you were quite expressionless during the hearing, something that could make me nervous). At least you showed a hint of emotion on that blank face of yours. And of course, thanks for the A.

Dad, thanks for all the support. I know you're the quiet type and would only ask passing questions, but still I know you do care, somehow (I hope).

Mom, can't thank you enough. Well, you know, for all the questions, yelling at each other, slappings (you didn't get me the last time though, since I blocked your hand ha ha ha), comparing me to other people's sons, reminding me to finish my thesis as soon as possible and get a job you unthankful son. (I sort of guessed that you would trade me for Delon without thinking if there's a chance to do so, but I'm just being cynical).
Hey, I know you didn't mean it. You were frustrated at the time. Nobody's perfect. I'd probably be doing the same thing too one day with my children (hopefully not). And considering the things you've sacrificed, I am thankful. Nobody I know went through the hardship that you've been going through all your life. You deserve a better life, all you have to do is go out and try get it.

Something that I have to do myself in the near future.

In any case, mom, you're the one person that once I considered second to God (not sure about now). So, thank you for...everything, I guess. I love you and hate you (only sometimes). You're the mom that I think everyone should have. Have fun in Singapore, mom!

To my brother, Aditya Andika, thank you so much for all the support and of course your help on statistical matters for the thesis. Hey, we may only be half-related, but you're my brother and that's that. You're a good friend. I may not know much about you, since there's some side to you that I haven't figured out yet, but still I'm more than thankful that you're there as my younger brother. Thanks for putting up with me and all my acts up until now. Hope I've been a good brother to you.

I would also like to thank Jemmy Gemilang Subuh, M. Rushdy Natsir, and Ekasari Sunarti. The three of them have helped in giving me ideas concerning the topic of my thesis. I wouldn't have come up with VaR if I hadn't been asking you guys. So, the thesis is also about you guys and how you've offered so many help in how to do the research. Thanks also in particular to Rushdy for his help in explaining to me how to the calculations. The copy-paste phase of the research was a pain in the ass, but it's all downhill from there.

It was nice that I wasn't the only one having to go through the hearing on that day. So, I would like to thank Ekasari Sunarti and Asik Dermawan for the company. We were a nervous wreck that day, but we got through and that's cool. Thanks for the support and the effort to calm each other down.

To Alfia Azhabur Rizal and Erma Afriza Indriana, thanks for the company during the waiting time before our hearing and thanks for being there during the hearing. You made the waiting a bit easier. Thanks for being our drivers too. Jeng Riza, good luck on your hearing on Friday. I'll be there.

Thanks also to people from the Academic Affair, especially to Mas Eno, Mas Tata and Mbak Eti. You all have been very helpful and cooperative, something that I didn't expect out of administration people. I was wrong. I salute you and all the people in MMUGM for being helpful and service-minded, something that is very rare from where I came from (read: Indonesia).

To Aryono Trihananto, thanks for reminding me that I have a thesis to finish. Good luck for your hearing. You'll make it, trust me. And, thanks for being a very good friend. You have a big heart (no, I'm not reffering to your 'unusual' size).

To Suhendra Prawira Tanuwijaya, thanks a lot buddy for everything. Thanks for the villa in Puncak, thanks for all the support, thanks for being a good buddy, thanks for the understanding, thanks for all the 'celaan', thanks for hangin' out with me. Well, in short, thanks for being one of ma' main man and mind you that's saying a lot. You're gangsta, homes!

Michael Sidartawan, thank you also for your support. Thanks for listening to all my whinings and thanks for confiding in me. No one could ask for a better buddy than you, man. Hopefully my mom gets that hat you've been wanting in Singapore.

To Sylvia Widjayasaputra, thanks for being a good friend, girl. I hope everything goes well between you and Hendra.

To Regie and Dipo, thanks for always playing host whenever I went to Jogja. Regie, thanks for letting me stay in your room the last time I was here. That means a lot.

Nashir, thanks a lot. It's an unfortunate thing that happened to you. But you'll get through it somehow. Lemme know if you need any help from me, okay? Good luck with your next hearing, man.

My friends from MMUGM: Titot, Mas Asik, Mas Rully, Mas Rusdy, Mas Suryo, Iqbal, Dhani, Miki, Cici, Tommy, Ardian, Melly, Febi, Nashir, Shanti, Eka, Dipo, Regie, Jay, Nina, Yulia, Nora, Coki, Mas Iman, Mas Denny, Dewi, Woro, thank you for being a very interesting and nice pack of classmates.

Retti Meita Syafriani and Ika Wongsonegoro, thanks for being my e-mail buddies. It's nice replying letters from you girls. And it helped me cruised along the way. Thanks for the support, and thanks for listening to all my whining. I hope everything also goes well for you.

My servants at home, Yati and Shanti, thanks for helping me pack my bags ha ha ha. And all those instant noodles.

And last but not least, my dog Dingo. Thanks for always noticing whenever I'm in a bad mood. You're the dog that every dog owner would like to have. Just try not to bite my arms too often, okay?

So, that's that. Here I am passing another milestone. For awhile, things are calm. But new stuff will be come knocking, and I hope I'm ready for 'em.

2004-12-09T13:25:00.000+07:00

'Pulang ke Kotamu...'

It's been a long time since I last set foot in Jogja. If I remembered it correctly, I was here before in June. Back then, I was about to start my thesis. Trying hard to come up with a topic to write about. Saw an old ghost back then.

Now, about 6 months later, I'm back here again. This time, it was for my thesis hearing. I passed, with an A. It was a relieve. The ghost has moved on.

And right now, I'm sitting inside the same very same internet cafe I visitted the last time I was here in Jogja. Back then I was trying to find out a topic for my thesis. And now, it's all over. Full circle. I'm here again.

I've probably said this so many times, but I'm gonna say it again. There's just something peaceful about this place. I couldn't put a finger on it. Maybe I'm just bored with the hectic life of Jakarta.

Today's my 4th day in Jogja. Body's feeling a bit tired, probably because my nerves were on end the days before the hearing. And now, it's all over, and my body's just seemed to let it all go...including the immune system. Looks like the flu will be visitting me very shortly.

Tomorrow's my friend's hearing. I think I'll stay here till Saturday. After it's all over, it's party time.

Gonna enjoy the last days of my ignorance. Pretty soon it's job hunting time, and things will never be the same again. Life changes, and I just passed another milestone.

The road is long indeed, but the view along the way is quite...indescribable. Cheers to life, with all its excitements and boredom.

2004-12-02T23:43:00.000+07:00

The Roadside Coffee Shop

A person was sitting in the corner. Near the window, just opposite the entrance. He was sipping at his hot cup of coffee. The place is just right. The furniture's mostly light brown in colour.

The crowd's there, not many of them but plenty enough for a crowd. He seemed to just wanted to fade away in the corner, like a chameleon. A little hard to notice for a casual observer, but he was there nonetheless.

The music was playing. It was easy jazz, and was just right for places like it. The sunset was bright orange, and like the music, it was just right for places like it.

So, what's his story? What is he there for? Did he just got back from work, and instead of going home and going through 2 hours of unbearable traffic, decided to just go to his favourite coffee shop and sip a hot cup of java? Or was he just silently enjoying himself, congratulating himself for a business negotiation that went well? Was he even a working man?

Or was he waiting for a special someone? A person to cure his loneliness? A person who could be there for him, for nothing in particular besides just being there with him? Was he even lonely?

Or was he there to be by himself? To cure a broken heart, to be alone and think things through?

Or was he there just for the coffee? And what kind of coffee was he drinking?

Well, it would be nice to think that he was there just for chillin' and being content. Maybe to wait for the traffic, maybe to silently celebrate his recent success, maybe to wait for that special someone. Maybe that man was there for no particular reason at all.

In any case, it was only a painting. A painting running through my mind. A painting of a man and his favourite roadside coffee shop.

2004-11-19T01:23:00.000+07:00

Puncak Trip (Yes, Again)

It is always a nice thing to be going to Puncak again. That's what I did with my friends last Sunday. We went to my friend's villa and stayed there from Sunday till Wednesday. The colour green was once again the theme colour of our days.

We did the usual stuff. Played some PS2 games, watched a couple of DVDs (Spirited Away is fast becoming our must-see DVD everytime we went to Puncak), made the meals ourselves. Ya know, the usual stuff: instand noodle, frozen food, nothing 'sophisticated'...but no barbeque this time though. We didn't bring as much snack and food as we always did this time. This time, I did the fries right (or maybe because it has a better quality).

We went to Cipanas on Tuesday and ate satay for dinner. It was a late dinner. Met a couple of friends there, old ones and new ones.

I hate it when I take a look at a face, and then there's this little memory dog in the back of your mind, nagging at your consciousness' feet, yapping and trying to tell ya that you know that face. But the dog doesn't help since it could only yap, and not tell me the name that goes with the face.

That dog was yappin' again that Tuesday night. One of my friend's friend's girlfriend (hmmm, stretching it a bit, eh?) turns out to be a co-worker of mine when I was still working back then. At first when I saw her I recognized her face, but I couldn't recall her name. So, at first, I looked the other way most of the time and acted dumb (with that little dog yappin' and yappin' in my mind). When the opportunity presented itself, I pulled my friend aside and asked her the girl's name.

So, the next time I came face to face with the girl, I was already armed with ample information. So, I asked her about work, about the people I used to know (some of the newer development I already heard, but any conversation material I could get my hands on was useful). Small talk, but it helped my out of the not-so-comfortable situation.

At least it stopped the little dog's yappin'.

I did my usual walk around the mountains again. In the morning, we checked out the hill right across the villa. We were curious as how to reach that hill. We occasionally saw kids playing with kites there. Well, we got there, and it wasn't hard getting there. And the view was quite good. According to some local guy who picked a conversation with us, that hill was used for a shooting for a sinetron titled 'Doiku Beken'. I know the title, but I don't know bout the story. The title kinda gave me a hint as to the level of quality of that sinetron.

Later on, I went out again. This time I went out alone. I went to the tea plantation, my favourite spot for an open view of Puncak and the Puncak road. I like the quietness up there. On the way back, I tried going through a road that I've only passed once. Almost got lost, but I found my way again. Would suck big time if I lost my way.

I hate it when my digital camera's battery went dead on me while I was having fun trying to capture a picture of a little spider (testing the close-up mode of the camera). I had to resort to my handhpone's mediocre digital camera. The focus was all messed up. Wait, what focus? We're talking handphone camera here!

So, yeah, guess that's all bout the trip. Everything's peachy. At least, most of the time.

Some snippets of conversations from the trip:

Green

"D'ya know that the colour green is good for the eyes? Something about the wavelength."
"Oh yeah, who said that?"
"They did a research on it, if I'm not mistaken."
"Well, them scientists and their researches."
"Well, it might be true. It may only be a suggestive thing. It is soothing, tho. Looking at all the green outside."
"Well, that's true enough."

Birthday Boy

"Do you know what day it is today?"
"It's Tuesday, isn't it?"
"The date?"
"It's the 16th, right?"
"Yeah, it is."
"So?"
"So?"
"What I meant was: what day it is today?"
"Hmmm, it's Tuesday right? I told you."
"But, what day is it today?"
"Whaddaya mean what day it is today? I told ya it's Tuesday!"
"Oh, okay."
"....."
"....."
"....."
"....."
"Fine, fine. We know it's your birthday. We're just playing dumb, man. Happy birthday, dude."

2004-11-11T22:44:00.000+07:00

Go Away!

Yeah, you heard me! Go away!

Lemme alone...