Death

I noticed that the sky was very blue today. I saw it during my commute to the office, I was seeing it from the office's window even as I was writing this. There's a certain peace to it, as if all the cares in the world don't matter anymore. I loved the blue sky this day. It soothed my mind. There was almost no hint of cloud anywhere I looked. It was peaceful, and my mind was at ease.

Then again, it might be because of the sedative I took the night before. It helped lessen the annoying voices and howlings of my mind and its many thoughts.

Wow, can't believe I'm on drugs.

Still, it was quite a nice change, looking at the blue sky after all the cloudy days before it. I sure hope that it was a sign of change. A change to better days ahead. I need all the good signs to help me go through the boring days at the office, at least until the project starts. I hope that by then things would be getting heluva lot more interesting.

Like the blue sky, I was thinking that probably death has a certain peace to it. A certain finality to it, a certain inevitability. Your life is about to end, all the worries you ever had don't even matter anymore. It's as if nothing in the world matters anymore. The world doesn't matter anymore.

I was facing death right now. The death of my character, my personality, my memories, the things that I used to know, the (oncoming) death of a dear (almost) family member. And, as always, a person usually goes through some stages when faced with death. I don't know exactly what stages they are and in what order the sequence is, but I'm thinking I'm between denial and acceptance right now. And the transition is hard.

Well, thanks to the sedative, I could at least still noticed the blue sky this morning. Or maybe it was not because of the sedative. Maybe because the sky was very clear, very blue, that one could not help but notice it. Such a simple thing, the blue sky. Yet so soothing. In any case, death will come to pass and after that the advent of resurrection. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I am sure of it. As sure as the sky is blue (only on clear, cloudless day that is).