Ya Know, One of Those Days...

Yeah, it's one of those days. And this 'one-of-those-days' has been going on for a couple of days. It hasn't been exactly boring, but for some reason I just feel that there's nothing interesting to write about. And there seems to be a lack of energy.

But then again, I'm not gonna go down without some efforts...

Well, the least I could do is try to summarize my weekend. On Friday, I went to Upstairs at PS with my elementary school friends. It was great, of course, my being the only guy in the group. On Saturday I went to Mangga Dua with mom. Met up with some friends there. Later on I went to PS with M. Just hangin' around and sippin' some coffee.

Sunday was spent lying in bed, reading books and watching DVDs.

It's the numb period again. And I hate it. This probably means that I should be getting some more rest and some more exercise.

Rants? Yeah, I got a couple of 'em. Especially concerning the death of Sukma Ayu. A member of my family commented that it would probably be better for her to die than live, her family shamed by the cellphone photos scandal and the rumor that she's been doing drugs before she died. It would probably be a relief for her family, since her father was a 'kyai'. And the shame would be more bearable.

I didn't agree.

It sounded as if shame could be paid by death. So, if a son or daughter brings shame to a family it would be best for he or she to die than cause more shame? That's absurd. Shame is not a justification for death, never. And if someone thinks that by death a shame could be lifted or at least more bearable, they're wrong.

A person's act is his or her own. And it's true that a son or daughter could be used as a reflection of how the parents raised them up. But still, our thoughts and conducts are by no means other people's responsibility. We, in the end, hold the responsibility of our thoughts and actions. To even think otherwise would suggest that no humans are free. In thoughts and actions. Shackled up by how other people mold us. I don't want to believe that. I don't want to believe that my own actions is wholly affected by other people's actions and thoughts. I may be inspired, affected, by other people. But in the end, I held the responsibility of making my own choices, of deciding the course of action. And even if what I decide to do turns out to be wrong, I don't want the responsibility to fall to someone else besides me. I don't want someone else to carry the shame. It's mine and mine alone. I'm a very jealous and possessive person.

There's no shame in making mistakes in life. It is through our mistakes that we grow strong. No matter how big that mistake is, as long as we have breath in our body, we still could be able to do something about it. Shame is a normal human emotion. One could probably not help but feel it. And it's okay. But one should not wallow in too deep in it. Honor lies in standing tall and do something about the things that we hold dear and important in our lives. That's how we should deal with our shame. Not by taking our lives, or by being glad that other who caused us shame died.

Well, actually, there's no point in ranting. Sukma died, and death is the final ultimatum. Because in death, actions and thoughts have no more meaning. A person died. And in death there's no point in arguing about shame, families, values, mistakes, and all insignificant matter. Death is the ultimate verdict. The ultimate surrender. And the ultimate peace.

So, let's leave it at that, huh? Easy to say when I already have nothing else to rant about and just want to leave it at that.

Well, turns out that I DO have something to write about. It's just that I wasn't so sure I want to write this down. No point in arguing when someone has already died. No point in arguing in the first place anyway. Many people have their own opinions. Guess I just want to express mine here, since expressing my views to the person with whom I disagreed would only be considered by that person as a sort of insubordination. And I don't want that on my plate right now. No use. So, it's you, the reader, who would have to bear with me. Well, thanks for reading anyways.