Monitoring Four Eyes Introduction

Went with my Mom to her campus. She needed to take care of something. Dad and bro were also there for the ride. Bro waited in the car while Mom took care of her thing. Dad introduced me to a couple of his lady students. I knew what he meant by that (dude, there's a lot of pretty girls out there, get up and grab one will ya?). The women, one tall, the other short, the short one wore a cross necklace, her hair tied at the back of her head, the taller one seemed to had met my Mom at the same veterinarian place. It seemed that they were both animal lovers. Tammy, I miss her. She was the sweetest dog I had ever owned, her manner was like that of a princess.

After Mom had finished her business at her office, the car dropped my brother off at Trisakti. After that Mom went to the bank to take care of some business again. Mangga Dua was our next destination. We went there to buy a new computer monitor. Also bought a new CD album for all those DVDs back at home.

Went home, replace the old monitor with the new one, install a new driver for the monitor. Exercised for about an hour. I was supposed to go to Plaza Senayan to meet up with A8 for a discussion about comic book (or something like that). H called and asked me to go out with him and his girlfriend. We decided to meet up at Plaza Senayan. Pi would also be there, since A8 was going there too.

My friends said that I looked good with this glasses. P tried putting it on, and it suited her very well. Made her look like a teacher (which is appropriate, since she is one).

H dropped P and Pi home. After that he dropped me home and borrowed lots of DVDs from me.

Four eyes

I went to Jakarta Eye Center with Mom. Got my eyes checked there. Left: 1/2 cylinder, -0.25; Right: 3/4 cyliner, -1.5. The doctor was a lively and friendly one. He said that all this time I didn't realize that I'd been looking with my left eye. After that mom went to the bank to take care of something. Right after that we went to Mangga Dua, get myself a pair of glasses. The store clerk said that I should use a toned-down glasses, meaning that they would make the lenses with a slightly lower measurements. It would be easire for the eyes to adjust that way. (Or maybe it was just a ploy so that 3 months later I'd go there and change to new lenses, meaning more money for them). For the cylinder, they substract a quarter out of each eye's measurements, and for the minus, they took out half of the measurement (no minus for the left lens). I bought Viewtiful Joe, a very interesting PS2 game. Very interesting indeed. Asked the price of a computer monitor at the computer store I usually frequented. We were planning to buy a new monitor since the old one's display was getting darker and darker by the day. Not good for the eyes. We didn't buy the monitor right away since we didn't have the car with us and a computer monitor isn't exactly light and easy to carry.

We met my brother and his friend there. My brother bought some empty CDs. They came home along with us.

Went home and tried wearing the new glasses. It was a bit weird. But it suited my face. Felt as if I'm destined to use glasses.

Viewtiful Joe turned out to be a brilliant piece of game software. Fun to play, great and stylish graphics, catchy tunes, and great gameplay. It was almost hard to put the controller down. Kudos to Capcom for porting this game over to PS2.

Format, Theories, and Journals

Went to the campus to meet up with my lecturer, the one who was assisting me in my thesis. My friends, who got the same lecturer, were there too. We had to wait until 3 o'clock before we got to meet him. At 3 o'clock, we talked to him. According to him, if everything went well, my thesis would be published in a finance journal. Great, more work. But it's okay. I've always wanted to publish something.

Didn't exercised that day. Came home a bit late in the afternoon.

Seafood Lover

F asked me to go out to have seafood for lunch. The place is near Ancol, it was called Sunda Kelapa. I went there with E and K. The food was great, we had squids, crabs, shrimps. After the lunch we went bowling at Mega Mal. Not exactly entertaining and enjoybable (E and K laughed at my lack of skill with a bowling ball, and I don't take being laughed at kindly). We sit down for coffee at Excelso, and then we went home.

Women and Money...

I woke up and looked at the clock. It was 9.30. I'd been waking up around that time lately. After coming around from the usual morning sickness, the kind that made you just sit there and stare with an expression of disbelief that you were still alive, I got up from the bed and went out of the room.

"Good morning, dear," Mom greeted me.
"Morning mom. Hey, what are you making?"
"Pancakes with durian fillings."
"Ow, Mom, you know I don't like durian. Why don't you use dark cherries instead, like the ones you made a couple of days ago?"
"Sorry, but I'm out of dark cherries. I'll make some later when I have the dark cherries okay?"
"Okay."
"By the way, Y called earlier."
"He did? Hmmm, he probably wants to go out again today."
"Why don't you ask him."
"Doing it right now," I said while picking up my handphone and started clicking away at the buttons, sending him a text message.

The phone rang not long after that. And it was Y.
"Hey. What do you say if we go out to Glodok again today? I need to trade some DVDs that couldn't be played on my player" he asked.
"That would be great."
"Do you have anything to do later in the evening today?"
"Nope, why?"
"What do you say if you go and catch a movie after that?"
"Sure, what movie do you have in mind?"
"Bourne Supremacy."
"Cool! I want to see that."
"Okay. What do you say if we watch it at Djakarta Theater?"
"Fine with me."
"Okay, I'll go and pick you up round 11 then. Be ready by then, kay?"
"Sure thing, pal."

After the phone conversation, I went and did my usual morning rituals: breakfast and a shower. Y picked me up around 11 and we first went to Glodok. Since he didn't know the movie schedule at Djakarta Theater, he asked me to find out. First I tried using my handphone to browse studio 21's site, but the GPRS connection wasn't working properly. Luckily, Y had Senayan 21's phone number. I called there, asking for Djakarta Theater's phone number. After that I called Djakarta Theater, asking for the schedule. Bourne Supremacy was playing in studio 1 at 14.15 and 16.55. We decided to watch it at 14.15.

We bought some DVDs there. For myself, I got Tigerland, Infernal Affairs 1 and 2, The Last Temptation, and Identity. Y got 1 season of the Quantum Leap series and other stuff I forgot. We had lunch at Glodok Plaza. After that we went straight for Djakarta Theatre.

We bought three tickets, another one for Adk, an old friend of Yanuar. I was acquainted to Adk when I was still in CC senior high: he was also there. He came a bit late, when the movie was already starting.


Movie Review: The Bourne Supremacy
The former CIA super agent Jason Bourne and his girlfriend find themself in more unwanted trouble when someone frames him for the murder of a CIA agent and his contacts. Being chased by two parties, Bourne must find out the true reason why he is being framed. The movie also brings to light some story elements unexplained in the previous movie (The Bourne Identity). The movie was quite exciting. A more realistic super agent when compared to the flamboyant James Bond. A good storyline, good actions, good acting, one of the more entertaining movie of the summer. Can't wait for The Bourne Ultimatum.


After the movie, we went to Bengkel to play some pool. Correction: Y and ADK played pool, I just watched. Three more people joined. Y's friends. 2 guys and a girl. There was this one hot chick that the guys kept looking at and talking about. She was playing pool three tables next to ours along with her other lady friends. Y kept telling me that if only he'd have lotsa dough, he would've gone and introduced himself to the girl. Well, it was obvious that the girl WAS that kind of girl. Well, the girl was tall, had wavy hair, and it was obvious that she was wearing a lot of make up. All of those things screamed expensive.

In the evening we went to Klay at Darmawangsa Square. It served Vietnamese food. The food was quite good. After that Y dropped me home. Along the way we had a conversation about women and relationship.

"Damn, I know I could go and introduce myself to the girl."
"So, why didn't you?"
"Because I don't have enough money."
"Well, everything about her screams expensive."
"Yeah, I imagine that after we've introduced ourselves, the next thing she would ask is what car I'm driving."
"Ha ha ha, probably so."
"That's why I just want to work and get some more money."
"Yeah, we're still young and truthfully dude, I don't think I want to have a relationship for now."
"Yeah, I mean, I want to work and be by myself for now, but I don't know whether in 5 more years I would want to settle down."
"I know how you feel. After we get all the money and all the things we want, we're just not sure whether getting ourselves a wife is worth it. I know how you feel."
"Yeah, that is what I mean. I know this guy, he said that he'd fucked about 300 women, his words not mine, and he's not thinking about getting married. Man, he said that women in their 30s and 40s, they know they're not young anymore, but trying not to acknowledge the fact, they would do anything to prove that they still got the hots."
"Wow, lucky guy eh?"
"But man, ask any girl, even the naughty ones. In the end, they want good guys to settle down with. Ask any of 'em"
"Hmmm, maybe so. Maybe so."
"And I just wish I could settle down. I really do. But I don't know whether after I've got all the money I need, I would want to settle down."
"I see."

Well, I can't say that I'm with him 100%, but I know what he means. I, too, wish that one day I could settle down with the woman I love. A woman to whom I could talk to, to whom I could be friends with, to whom I could confide in, to whom I could be in love with. A friend and a lover. I just hope this is not too much to ask. But right now, relationship is a thing I'm not too keen with. Too much hasle. Too much sacrifices involved. Or maybe I'm just too tired. And maybe also because I myself don't have enough money to feel secure in a relationship. I know money is not the main issue in a relationship, but it's an issue. And I know that money is not the main reason (maybe it shouldn't even be a reason), and that if you really love someone, sacrifices you make won't feel like sacrifices at all. But still, that's the way I see it right now. Ya know, when I look at myself, I see a sad and pathetic person. I hope it would change.

Friday

Well, did some exercise in the morning. Went to Mangga Dua to buy a copy of GTA3 and another new game. Headhunter: Redemption. More than decent graphic. Gameplay's okay, nothing too special. GTA3 rocks! I know it's an old game, that a new GTA is coming up (San Andreas), but still this one is the one that started it all and it's still heluva fun to play.

Slept during the evening. Didn't go out anywhere today. Well, hopefully tomorrow my luck would change. Well, that's it for today.

So-so

Another ordinary day. All I could remember was getting an e-mail from PDPM saying that they hadn't received my fax. So I faxed again the transfer sheet, mailed them telling that I had resent the transfer sheet through fax. Waited the whole day. No words.

Tried playing Grand Theft Auto. Stealing cars, driving taxis, running over innocent (and not-so-innocent) pedestrians, being a model criminal in a virtual world. Too bad the CD was a bit busted. Error kept poppin' up. Decided to give it up for now and buy a new copy later.

Oh yeah, went online, met a couple of friend. One of 'em was my ex. Ha ha ha, she's a wild one, alright. I was bored at that moment. She suggested partying, hooking up with a chic, having a one-night-stand, and waking up on someone else's bed (this suggestion's so her). Yep, she's a wild one alright. Ya just can't tie a leash around her. Won't work.

Well, I told her that's a grand plan. Would take a lot of guts (at least for me), but then again if I were drunk, probably guts is optional. Well, she said for me not to get too drunk coz I'd probably want to remeber how she is. Ha ha ha, I could only say that probably I'd give it a try. But I don't think I'm that kind of person. Maybe.

Well, that's all for this Thursday. So boring.

Examinations


"How did it feel?"
"It hurt"
"How?"
"Like a knife through the heart."
"And right now?"
"Yes?"
"How do you feel right now?"
"I feel...nothing. I feel numb"
"Numb?"
"Yes, I feel numb."
"Do you need anything?"
"For what?"
"For the pain."
"I told you I don't feel anything. I'm numb."
"But you are still inflicted, you know. You just do not realize it. You are still inflicted."
"But I don't feel anything at all."
"So, do you need anything?"
"How is it that I need something while I don't feel anything at all?"
"Because you are still inflicted."
"How do I know what I need, if I don't feel like needing, if I don't feel anything at all?"
"I could help you on that. Tell me: why did it hurt?"
"Does it matter?"
"Do you think it matter?"
"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know."
"Why do you not know?"
"Because I'm numb."
"But you are still inflicted. And I need to know: why did it hurt?"
"I don't remember."
"Try."
"Does it matter?"
"Maybe. Yes."
"I'll try."
"Please, go on."
"Be patient."
"I am. Time is on our side."
"If I remember it correctly, I think it was because of my mother."
"Your mother?"
"Yes, my mother. I think the pain started back then when I started antagonizing my mother."
"How?"
"We started disagreeing on certain matters."
"What matters?"
"Doesn't matter. It doesn't concern the pain."
"Then what does?"
"The fact that I had different opinions than my mother."
"How could it be so?"
"It was painful, knowing that the person you look up to your entire life had differing opinions than you. It was even more painful when she started getting angry at me because I didn't think the way she does."
"You are saying that your mother is responsible for the pain?"
"I don't know."
"What do you know?"
"That I'm not alwas in agreement to all of her opinions and actions. That I have my own opinions and decisions. That I am my own person. That I am not her, and.."
"And?"
"That I couldn't blame her for having her own opinions also. If I do, I would be just the same as her."
"Did you blame her?"
"Maybe I did. I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember how it felt back then."
"Why?"
"Because I'm numb right now."
"Is that really the reason why?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does. Maybe."
"Maybe because I don't want to remember."
"Remember?"
"The pain. I don't want to remember the pain."
"Did it hurt?"
"Like a knife through the heart."
"So, you do remember."
"You made me."
"Does it hurt now?"
"No. I told you, I'm numb."
"Right. How about your fathers?"
"What about my fathers?"
"You talked about your mother just now. I think it would be appropriate if you also talk about your fathers."
"You think so?"
"Maybe. Yes. Tell me about your fathers."
"They are people I couldn't look up to."
"Why do you say so?"
"I just know."
"How?"
"It's hard to explain. I just know."
"There must be some reasons. Try to remember."
"You are persistent."
"I have to. It is for your own good."
"Very well, I'll try."
"Try, then."
"Like I said, I just know. I could feel it. But it may also due to what my mother said about them."
"What did your mother say about them?"
"That they are not to be trusted."
"And you believed her?"
"Yes. I believed her."
"You look up to your mother, do you not?"
"Yes, I did."
"Not anymore?"
"Maybe I still do, a little."
"Knowing that your mother may have affected your judgement, do you still feel the same about your fathers?"
"I still do."
"Why?"
"Because I just can't. Because I just know."
"Know what?"
"That they are not to be trusted. That they are not people that I could look up to."
"How do you know?"
"I just know."
"Have you given them a chance to prove otherwise?"
"Otherwise?"
"That they could be trusted?"
"I haven't."
"Why?"
"Because I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid of the knife. The knife that has pierced my heart."
"So, you are not numb after all?"
"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I just don't want to remember."
"Why?"
"Painful."
"So, you are blaming them for your pain?"
"I wish I could. But I know it would be wrong."
"Have you ever thought that maybe they have their own knives, stuck in their hearts?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever thought that maybe you drove your own knife into your own heart?"
"Maybe..."
"If they are not to blame, then where did the knife come from?"
"I don't know. All I know is that it hurt."
"Pain reminds us that we are still alive."
"I wish it doesn't have to be so."
"But that is the way it is."


"Tell me, could I let go of the knife?"
"Maybe. If you want to. But you do not. Not yet."
"Maybe. Not yet."
"One day, surely?"
"One day. I hope."


"So, do you need anything for the pain?"

Freedom

Woke up at around 9.30. Head felt like a one-ton anvil, neck hurt like hell (because of the day before's exercise). A reunion at 11 o'clock at Plaza Senayan. I had to get ready as soon as I could. Ate breakfast (another serving of instant noodle), took a shower (the hot water helped soothe my neck pain a bit), and was on my way about an hour later. Sent a couple of messages to my elementary school friends confirming today's event.

G was not coming (didn't feel well, tired out of helping his mother the day before)
No word from H
M would be a little late
MP would also be a little bit late
A and C said the same thing like MP
De was working (I told her to try and contact me when she's free)

Waited at Plaza Senayan's food court. Watched commercials from a circular tv screen in the middle of the food court. M came first. MP came a bit later after her. MP could only spend time until 1.30. He had to pick up some people at the airport. After MP left, we decided to check the cinema out. Turned out that there was no movie of interest, so we decided to spend time at Coffee Bean waiting for the other to arrive.

Met A and C there. Spent some time talking about old times, about life, about the people around us and other stuff. A left first with her office friend. A bit later M, C and I broke camp and went our own ways. E was accompanying her mother, so I decided to go home.

Everyone was at home. Spent time reading magazines, watching DVDs and writing up journals.

I Hate Mondays...

I woke up around 9.30. Today's exercise day, and I was runnin' a bit late. E called about 10.30, saying that she's on her way to PS. I had not finished my exercise. Thought that it ain't a good thing to let a lady waiting, I wrapped it up, ate breakfast, took a shower and about 45 minutes later was on my way to PS. It turned out that E would be a bit late too. At least I would be there first. I would feel better if I were the one who had to wait for someone, rather than having someone waiting for me.

Got there about 12 and waited for about half an hour till E came. She was wearing long-sleeved white t-shirt (blue striped) and a pair of jeans. We went to the cinema to buy tickets for the movie. We were watching The Village that day, 3 o'clock. We got 2 hours to spend to catch up on each other's life for the past 2 weeks (we met 2 weeks ago at Citos, together with my other friends from the university). Went to the drugstore (she was having a sore throat, bought some lozenges there), went to Sogo supermarket (she needed to get a small bottle of mineral water) went to Spice Garden (I only had 1 serving of instant noodle for breakfast, were feeling like a bowl of pitan porridge) and had a good long chat there, went to Kinokuniya bookstore (I just love bookstores, or any place that has lots and lots of books in it) and about a quarter to three we went to the cinema.

The Village, quite a good movie. The director was M. Night Shyamalan. If movie watchers were expecting another Sixth Sense, they would be disappointed, because the movie wasn't scary like The Sixth Sense. But that's not what the movie was all about. It's the story that they should be paying attention to. I liked it. So did E. And I could understand why people were a bit disappointed. Probably if they would look at it from a different perspective, they wouldn't be so disappointed, if at all.

H sent a message, saying he had bloody fever and was going to the hospital. I asked where and which room. He hoped that the place had got cute nurses. He didn't get his wish.

5 o'clock, we went to F's office (E's driving, I was still not good at it). F wanted us to pick him up at his workplace. Got there after going through a really painful traffic jam. F was wearing a maroon long-sleeved shirt and black pants. After picking him up we told K (another friend who was meeting up with us) to go to Citos since we were already on our way.

The plan changed along the way. Traffic jam was like crazy. We decided to meet at Fatmawati. A place called...something-best. Funny name. Wonder why I didn't ask for a clear spelling of the place. Probably because it didn't seem to matter. Had dinner there (felt like A&W's chicken sandwich, the other had kwetiaw) and went to a karaoke bar. Spent 2 hours there (Maroon 5's This Love, Santana's Maria Maria, Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong and Numb, Black Eyed Peas' Where's the Love, Cake's I Will Survive, Marcell's Firasat and Semusim, Dewa's Pupus, and some other songs I failed to remember).

Went to Citos afterwards. Had a couple of drinks there (cups of coffee, softdrinks), chatted for awhile, and then went home afterwards. K was staying over at E's place that night. I and F went home by taxi. The taxi dropped him first and then me. Got home. My new jeans in my room (Mom got back from Bandung that evening). Tried it out. It fit perfectly. Thought of wearing it to the reunion the next day.

Went to sleep.

The Colour of Love
Sade

There must have been an angel by my side
Something heavenly led me to you
Look at the sky
It's the colour of love

There must have been an angel by my side
Something heavenly came down from above
He led me to you
He led me to you

He built a bridge to your heart
All the way
How many tons of love inside
I can't say

When I was led to you
I knew you were the one for me
I swear the whole world
Could feel my heartbeat

When I lay eyes on you
Ay ay ay ay ay ay
You wrapped me up in
The colour of love

You gave me the kiss of life
The kiss of life
You gave me the kiss that's like
The kiss of life

Ay ay ay ay ay ay

Wasn't it clear
From the start
Look, the sky is full of love
Yeah, the sky is full of love

You gave me the kiss of life
The kiss of life
You gave me the kiss that's like
The kiss of life

You gave me the kiss of life
The kiss of life
You gave me the kiss that's like
The kiss of life

Well, I'm not exactly in love right now, but this song reminds me how nice it would be to fall in love. I hope every time I start something new, it would feel like falling in love the first time. Fat chance, but still it's worth hoping for.

Off to Bandung

Not me though, my Mom did. She went to Bandung early in the morning with her friends from the faculty. She'd be back by Monday. At least the house would be peaceful and quiet.

A couple of repairmen came by to fix the air conditioning in our room. Some parts needed to be replaced, and they couldn't do it because they didn't have the parts with them yet. I told them to come by later when they do. For now, all they could do was to refill the freon. It would leak again, but at least the room would be cooler for the time being until they replace the parts.

Watched a couple of DVDs, some were the ones that I bought the day before: Y Tu Mama Tambien (very sexy), Reservoir Dogs (I had watched it, my brother had not at the time...Quentin Tarantino rules!), Neon Genesis Evangelion (up to Episode 14), and Battle Royale (Bloody and Entertaning).

That was it. Stayed home all day long. Truly God's day off.

Old Friend

Woke up round 8.30. Mom and bro were going to Ms. A's place. She'd just got back from Singapore the day before for medical purposes. I wanted to go along, since I thought it would be better than just staying at home. But Y called and asked me out. Y was my roommate back when I was still living in Depok. He'd been asking me to go out, but every time he asked I'd already had an appointment. Couldn't say no, and I'd prefer to go out with him than see my mom's friend. At least I knew she was okay, and that the operation she had in Singapore was a success.

So, he picked me up around 10.30, we went to Mangga Dua. Y had to buy an ink ribbon roll for his fax machine. After that we went to Glodok to buy some DVDs. Lemme see, I got myself these: Battle Royale, The Sheltering Sky, Princess Mononoke, Chungking Express, Zatoichi, Y Tu Mama Tambien, and Neon Genesis Evangelion Series.

Y and I talked about his job (talked about futures and options, both are financial instruments with high risks, but could give you high returns if you know how to play them right), about movies (he didn't like Hollywood crap, sorry, no Spiderman 2 for him), about the state of the world (those Jewish big fish, they own the world with their money), about the necessity of wars (without wars, there would be no advances in science and technology as we know it today), about finance (I have come to a conclusion that despite all the theories out there concerning finance, it all comes down to the fact that all you need to succeed in investment and finance is to have all the right information and to know how to make people do the things you want them to do, in short, you gotta know their pysche), about the 9/11 conspiracy (have you heard that 9/11 was a ploy set by those Jewish to invigorate the arms race? To create business for the weapon producers and arms dealers? To create an enemy needed to get a war going, hence create the rise in the need for weapons?), about tarot readings (I was told that this job is the right job for me. I got three readings that said so).

Y was a graduate from International Relations Department, Faculty of Social and Political Science of the University of Indonesia, from the class of 98. I was used to hearing him talk about these sort of stuff. Sharing a room with him was quite fun. I always enjoy our conversations. I found them to be light and entertainig. I would discover a lot of new information, though personally I knew that I didn't agree with them all. But I could see where he was coming from and I could understand his point of view. Talking with him made me remember the times when we were back in Depok, in our room, talking about life, about our classes, about our unbelievable lecturers, and about our 'ibu kost' and how to best kill that annoying, money lovin', stingy ole' bitch. She died a couple of years ago, God rest her poor old soul.

Since we didn't feel like going home so early, we went to EX. We met an old acquaintance from our Senior High. He told us that Guess products were being sold at a discount in Krakatau Room at Grand Hyatt, so we went there to take a peek. We didn't find anything of interest. Went back to EX, met the old acquaintance, and we chatted for awhile. Y chatted with him about business, about the girls milling around in EX, about being single, about hot married women, about MILF (who were mostly our acquaintance's clients), and about other stuff. Got myself a big cup of ice cream, Y got himself a beard papa, and after about an hour of chit-chat we decided to part company with our acquaintance, who was still enjoying the 'views'.

After spending about another half an hour at Plaza Indonesia looking at bookstores, we went out to have dinner at Pecenongan. After that, Y dropped me home. Mom, Dad and bro went out to 2 wedding parties. I slept for about 2 hours. Woke up around 9.30 to find out that Mom and bro hadn't come home yet. They came back about half an hour later.

Watched Princess Mononoke with my bro before we went to sleep. Hayao Miyazaki's cartoons are all great!

A Visit from Abroad

Woke up quite early, probably around 9. I had to transfer some money to to PDPM as a payment for the data I was buying from them.The data is for my thesis. I went to the bank with Mom, transferred the money, and accompanied her to Lokasari to buy some stuff at the supermarket.

Had gado-gado for lunch. Started doing some push-ups, some weight lifting in the late afternoon. Exercising. I need to get started again. My body's been craving for some exercising. Been craving to sweat. I need to do more cardio. Been a long time since I last jogged. Or swim. Cardio would do me good. Exercising, they help me sleep better at night. And I gotta start living healthier. My stamina's getting worse every day. Gotta discipline myself on this.

H didn't contact me. Almost thought that I wouldn't be going out that night. Well, I was wrong. F and G called. At first I didn't notice since I put my cell on silent. Noticed it a bit late, but not too late. Around 11 they picked me up. G worked in Singapore. But her company sent her often to Jakarta for business matters. She'd been here for a week at that time, and she was going back to Singapore on Sunday.

We went to EX, got ourselves some cups of coffee at Starbucks, sat down, and chatted about how things were going in our lives. Ya know, just catching up.

F and G dropped me home at around 1. Went to sleep not long after that.

Invitations

Remember vaguely waking up at around 7. But fell asleep again, as always. Sleep, I wish humans don't have to sleep. But then again, where would the dreams be?

So, woke up 9.30. This time it was for real. Remembered having to go to campus, a friend of mine wanted to meet us and hand out invitations to her wedding party. So, had my breakfast (thank God someone thought about making Nutela), took a shower, and dressed up. Driver's not around, my father wanted to use the car, so I went by taxi.

Got there at the same time N got there too. Been a long time since I last met him. The last time I met him I took a picture with his cute little adopted sister. The next sentece would be a parade of alphabet, but since I'd decided not to reveal my friend's name, such a thing is unavoidable. A lot of my friends were there at the campus, they are: E, M, C, D, A, N, R, F and L. Too bad not all of 'em were there. Since lectures were finished and we started doing our thesis, it had been hard trying to put our class together. We all missed the old time when we used to go out, all of us, and just hang out at a mall somewhere. Well, Chronos and his metronome, keeping the melodies going. And the melodies of life, they always change.

We chatted, joked, asked bout how we were doing with life and our thesis, asked about the others who couldn't make it (T had to go to work, I was feeling a bit sick, no word on Ar and To), watched the TV as usual (Too bad about Dewi Yul, huh? Did you watch the Amanda reconstruction?), asked D about her wedding preparations (a bit high-strung).

We had lunch at Lembang. Felt like old times. The wind was blowing a bit too strong, the water from the fountain raining in tiny droplets all around us. Went down for some dessert at Sunda Kelapa. Hmmm, batagor doesn't sound much like a dessert huh? More like snack.

Went back to campus, spent some time at the computer lab, and went home at around 3.30. N dropped me off at the train station and went off to pick up his girlfriend.

Spend my time at home surfin' the net, checkin' out and replying some of the e-mails I got today. Played a PlayStation2 game (God Gundam's final combination move was AWESOME!), and watched Secondhand Lions on DVD.

About Secondhand Lions: this movie was a great family movie. A good story, backed up by great actors and actresses (Michael Caine, Robert Duvall, Haley Joel Osment). A heartwarming story about a boy named Walter from a broken home family whose mother wasn't exactly a good mother figure. His mother left him to stay during summer with his two great uncles while she went to Vegas to do God-knows-what. She told him to find out about his great uncles riches and where they stashed 'em. But in the end young Walter found something more valuable than money, gold and diamonds. A great movie indeed, and very entertaining. I couldn't understand why so few people know about this movie and I was really glad I picked this one up when I and my brother went out on a DVD-buying spree 3 weeks ago. For those of you who are right now reading this blog, if you like great family movies, go get this one. You won't be disappointed.

I NEED MY SLEEP!!!

Today I tried relaxing. Didn't do much calculations. Turns out that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Continued reading Smoke and Mirrors. Neil Gaiman is really a gifted writer, with his imaginations and all.

Replied some emails today. Little things like these are the ones that remind me that I trully have nothing at all this world. That one of the greates pleasures in life is having friends who care and understand. So let it be known that I cherish and love you and respect you and thank you all, those who consider me as their friend. There's not enough words to show you how I much I appreciate you all.

Called an old friend. It's been a long time since I last heard from her. Talked a lot about old times, about our friends, about things that we lost along the way, about life. It was a very nice conversation.

Tried doing some exercise today. A bit of weight lifting, some push-ups. It took me only 20 minutes to sweat profusely. Damn, I'm getting old. Need to work out more. I used to be able to finish the circuit around UI in 30 minutes without even stopping to catch my breath. I doubt I could do it again. So out of shape. Gotta start exercising again.

I need more sleep. I've been getting lots of 'em, but still it's not enough.

Maybe, I need more exercise.

Sheeeeyittttt, I'm gettin' old...

Calculations and Calculations part 2

Continued doing the calculations, spent about 2 and a half hours. Easier than I thought it would be. My body still feel tired, as if vampires sucked my blood dry. Tried putting down the events during the last weekend. I couldn't recall much except for the highlights. Feels so weak. Feels like dying.

Started reading Smoke and Mirrors again. Such interesting stories. Such imaginations. So 'dreamlike'.

Feel asleep for awhile in the evening. Forgot to call I. I promised her that I would call this night. Tried calling her cellphone at about 9.30 pm, but she didn't answer. Probably fell asleep already. Sent her a message saying sorry for not calling her earlier.

I feel like sleeping. I feel like dreaming. Dreaming empty dreams. Dreaming a void. Dreaming an oblivion.

I'm probably just dead tired.

Calculations and calculations

Started doing the calculations for my thesis. Spent 4 hours doing it. After that I felt knocked out. Tired to the bones. I didn't know why. Still don't know why. My body seems like it wanted to shut down, but couldn't.

God's Day Off

Stayed home most of the morning. In the afternoon I went out with mom to Taman Anggrek. My bro also went there, but he went with friends to check out an apartment. Had lunch there with Mom. Tried to do a bit of a book hunting, to no avail. I got my first ever FHM magazine, Indonesian edition. Mom went to the supermarket to buy a couple of things and came home after that.

Finished watching RahXephon. The ending was very nice, very 'dreamy'.

Three's a Crowd...More Than That It's a Riot...in a Fun Perspective

Woke up around 10, I think. Forgot what I did during the late morning. All I could remember was that I went out with V in the late afternoon. We were meeting H, P and M at Plaza Senayan. The driver dropped my brother off at Mangga Dua before dropping me and V at Plaza Senayan.

V had lunch first at Wendy's. H and P came to us while we were eating there. H knew V while we were all still in senior high. H's parents and auntie were there also at PS. So we met up with them. H introduced V to his parents. Conversations ensued. M caught up with us not long after that. It was the first time M met V. H and M were hungry, so we went up to the food court on the 3rd floor and had something to eat.

Pi was also coming with us, so we met up with her at Starbucks Sarinah. We had coffee before going off to Kekun in Kemang. The live music in Kekun wasn't bad. It was okay, going out with friends. At least I got out of the house. M dropped V and me home after that. It was an okay weekend.

Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to

Woke up with a tinge of fear that this Friday would be spent by just staying at home and bore myself to death. Watched DVD (haven't finished Rah-Xephon until now and I think I may have to watch it again from the beginning), tried finishing my proposal. There was one part which I hadn't completely finished yet. I still haven't found the refference book my lecturer told me to look for. But rather than waiting till I found it, I figured that it was better to send the revised proposal without the refference first and then later on add the refference when I found it. So, I sent an e-mail to my lecturer with my proposal attached.

V asked whether I would be going out with H today. Till this afternoon, he had not send me any news about getting together and hanging out somewhere. So, I tried contacting him. He told me that Pi was going out to QB Sarinah to meet up with some of her friends this evening but he wasn't sure whether he would be joining. I told V that I'd be going to QB, but H still wasn't sure whether he would be joining and that I'd inform V later about any new development.

So, a few messages and a phone call later, I was off to QB to meet up with Pi. The taxi driver was nice. I had a good chat with him. I was glad that I was not as cold as I thought I'd become toward taxi drivers. I still could have a good conversation with a taxi driver like I used to. It sure brightened up my evening.

I waited for about half an hour before Pi finally arrived. Not long after that, her friends started arriving and I was the only guy around. Pi told me that P and H would be joining us shortly. I sent a message to V telling him that H would come. V called, saying M would come along with him. The more, the merrier, I told him.

Unfortunately, H and P cancelled. I knew it would happen, but too late. V already showed up with M. But that's okay. Like I said, the more the merrier. It was fun.

We spent some time at QB and later on moved out to some roadside food stall to eat dinner. Talked a lot about lots of stuff with V, M, Pi and Pi's friends. An old friend called. It had been a long time since I last heard from her. Nice to hear her voice again. Sure reminded me of old times.

It was kinda hard, juggling my attention to Pi, V, M, and those new acquaintances. But it sure was interesting hanging out with a new crowd. And they were all okay.

Around 10 (or was it 10.30), Pi and her gang went home. All that was left were me, V, and M. We went to Starbuck, got ourselves some seat and some cups of coffee, and had a very interesting conversation. I enjoyed this kind of conversation. Didn't exactly get anything new, but of course it was nice to be reminded of the things that I know, and may have forgotten, once in a while. And of course it's always nice to know that people still do care about these things. Sometimes we go on a journey for some kind of an answer, and by the end of that journey, you realize that the answer has been there since the beginning all along. But still, the journey itself was worth it And still you go on again looking for some sort of an answer, or maybe just for the sake of making that journey itself.

You learn something new everyday. And you are reminded of the things that you've forgotten, everyday. Sometimes, life is just too good to be true. Sometimes, it is too awful to be true. Yet, life will always be itself.

New Hair Day

Opened my eyes, I forgot. Maybe it was 9. I think it was 9. Mom woke me up, she said that we should be getting ready to go to PS. We were getting a hair cut. It'd been more than a month since I last cut my hair. It was about time to go and have my hair cut.

So, after another bread spread with nutela and a shower later, I was ready. The driver was waiting outside. He didn't drive us all the way to PS though. My father wanted to use the car, so we were dropped at Hayam Wuruk and hailed a cab there.

The hour indicated that 3-in-1 hours had passed. Sudirman was crowded. Mom and the taxi driver conversed, busways and monorails were mentioned. Government issues and shortcomings were also mentioned. Those were one of the most favourite topics Mom usually came up with whenever she conversed with a taxi driver. I stayed out of it. Once these were my favourite tapics too, whenever a taxi driver striked up a conversation. I used to entertain those taxi drivers talking about these things(especially since it's been a habit for me to sit next to the taxi drivers whenever I use a cab, and for some reason most taxi driver tried to strike up a conversation whenever their guest sits in the front passenger seat). And usually in the end I would ask about their lives, about their families, their children (most of them lighted up whenever I asked them about their children, I could tell from the tone of their voices and the light in their eyes). But lately, I found myself quieter than usual. I wasn't as warm towards people as I used to. And somehow taxi drivers know when you don't want to talk and they leave me be.

Today, my Mom lead the conversation. As always. Probably from years being a lecturer, she got used to leading conversation and cutting people before they finish their sentences. I also heard that this symptom is common in people who always think that they're busy and that there's not enough time to do anything. She rarely do this to me though, cutting me in the middle of a sentence I mean. Only sometimes. And as I've said, I stayed out of the conversation during our journey to Plaza Senayan.

Got my hair cut at Johnny Andrean. There was this guy who usually cut my hair. My mother got a hair cut herself. I always enjoyed having my hair cut. Especially when they're washing my hair and massaging my head. Very relaxing. After the hair cut we went to Kinokuniya, and then had lunch at the food court.

It was the sixth time I ran into Dewi Rezer. It happened at Kinokuniya. It was starting to become a habit, this chance encounter. If it happens again in the future, I'll have to start thinking about what it means.

Went to the supermarket before going back home. Mom wanted to buy a couple of things there. I bought some snack to nibble while reading some novels.

In the taxi
"My friend is about to have her surgery. I hope she'll be okay."
"How bad is the cancer?"
"If it has spread to her uterus, it would be pretty bad. It means that they would have to remove it, and she would have to have a small pipe implanted so that she could urinate."
"That's bad."
"Yeah, I hope to God that would not be the case."

Browsed the internet, replied a couple of emails, continued watching Raxephon. Didn't have dinner. I ate too much during lunch. My stomach feels full up until now.

A friend came by the house around 9.30 pm. Talked about lots of stuff. About making new friends, about trying out new things, about killing time, about learning new language, about arts and finding people who would pay huge amount of money for art, about religions, about life in general and many other things. He went home at 11.30 pm. It had been a nice conversation.

I've always enjoyed serious and deep conversations. Especially with those I could connect with. Conversations, one of the things that sustains me. Probably also ease my loneliness. I'd never mind being alone, but sometimes it gets boring, thinking alone withou someone to talk to, to say out loud what I'm thinking. And having someone who could understand what I mean and could also give a good enough response is a rare and precious thing.

Come to think of it, this is quite a contradiction when compared to my silence toward taxi drivers lately. Not as talkative as I used to be toward these guys. I used to get a lot out of talking with them, but for some reasons, I clammed up lately. And as I've said before, they just sort of know that I don't feel like talking.

We'll see whether the situation will change later on.

Home in the Late Afternoon and in the Evening

A friend of mine lend me some anime DVDs and I started watching one of them. The title was Rah-Xephon. While watching, a friend called asking me to go out and catch a movie. She said that 2 more of our friends would come along. It was wednesday and supposedly you could get 2 tickets for the price of one if you pay with Clear Card at Senayan's cineplex. But my friend said that the promotion might be over so she asked me to go and find out whether the promotion was still in effect or not.

At the same time, my mother asked me to teach her to use PowerPoint. So after I'd finished giving her the basics, I called Senayan's cineplex and the man there told me that the promotion was still in effect. Unfortunately, a friend cancelled and that meant that we needed a replacement since we need a total of 4 people. Or, one of us had to cancel. I decided to be the one. I almost forgot the fact that I was tired, and if I forced myself to go, I might ended up sick the next day. So, I cancelled and only 2 of my friends went to see the movie. They were watching King Arthur.

I spent the rest of the day watching anime DVDs and browsing the internet. Replied some e-mails, deleted old emails, and slept for about an hour in the early evening. Continued watching DVDs until late at night. It had been quite a day.

Plaza Senayan at Noon

Walked around, waiting for H to arrive. The day's changing to early afternoon. I was really hungry, wanted to get something to eat, but I restrained myself. It would be better to wait for H to arrive and then have our lunch together. So I just bought a glass of iced lemon tea and sit at the food court, enjoying the view of the people walking around here and there. Especially the women. They're such beautiful creatures.

There's one that had this really interesting way of looking. I caught her eyes, and for the longest moment we looked at each other eye-to-eye. It was quite exciting. A woman's eyes, they're one of the most attractive aspect of a woman. I could say that I could be attracted to a woman because of her eyes. A woman's smile is also one of the things that could really attract my attention.

H arrived at around 12.15
"Hey, where you at?"
"I'm at Kinokuniya. Why don't you come and meet me here?"
"Okay. I'm trying to find a parking space. When I'm done, I'll go head over there."
"Okay. Uhm, wait! Meet me up in front of the cineplex. It's easier that way."
"Okay then."

"Where are you? I thought you said in front of the cineplex?"
"Look at your five o'clock. I'm looking at ya."
"Wait...oh, there you are."

H and I talked for awhile about his work. He told me about the visit he'd just made before meeting me at Plaza Senayan. It wasn't a good development for him. Too bad, but I hoped that he'd have better luck next time.

We had lunch at the foodcourt on 3rd floor.
"Did you notice that other people look left at the food stalls, trying to decide what to eat while we look right at the crowd, trying to track and spot attractive women?"
"Ha ha ha, yeah! We do that everytime we go here."
"Your one o'clock, pink shirt."
"Hmmm, kay. Hey, not bad. Not bad at all."
"Mmmm hmmmm."
"Ha ha ha."

It turned out that the girl I saw earlier was sitting next to our table. I didn't mind her too much though. I just ate and talked with H most of the time there. Though H noticed that one of the girl's friend has a pair of huge busts and he made sure that I noticed.
After eating, we walked around the foodcourt one last time, trying to track for the last time before we leave the place. H wasn't looking forward to the prospect of going back to the office so soon, so we decided to sit down again, have ourselves some cups of coffee and enjoy the view while it lasts.
I wanted to come along with him back to the office. Lack of sleep the previous night made me decide otherwise. So we parted ways for today, and I went back home by taxi, sitting on the front passenger seat, falling asleep a couple of times.

Jakarta Stock Exchange In The Morning

Morning...
I opened my eyes to the sound of my brother trying to shake me off from my sleep.
"Bro, wake up. You said you wanted to go to the Jakarta Stock Exchange early today."
I ignored him for what seemed to be like spending an hour in the dreamworld, but might only be 5 minutes in reality.
"Arie, wake up. It's seven already. You don't want to keep your friends waiting."
Sleep deprived, I sit up and groaned. Could I just not go? I can't, T had asked me the day before to accompany him to JSX. And I had a feeling that E wouldn't be coming along, despite T saying the day before that she would be. Well, T could take care of himself, I was sure. But I just feel like he might need me there. Or maybe I need him to need me to be there. I couldn't say.

5 minutes later
Breakfast was only bread spread with Nutela. My brother and my father left before I could finish getting ready. Looks like I'd be taking the taxi. I could take the busway, but it would be such a hazzle and I was already running late. A message from T saying that he's already on his way. It came while I was taking a bath. I asked S to get a taxi for me while I put on my shoes.

15 minutes later, in the taxi
"Where are you?"
"On my way, I'm at Hayam Wuruk right now. Where are you?"
"I'm here already, parking my car. I'll be waiting for you."
"kay."

15 minutes later, still in the taxi
"Hey, where are you?"
"Coming up on the SCBD complex. You there already?"
"Yeah. Just meet me up at the Daily Bread okay?"
"Sure thing."

5 minutes later
"Do you want me to drop you off here or at the lobby?"
"The lobby would be fine. There's no problem, of course?"
"No, none at all."
The taxi is turning into the wrong building.
"Uhm, sir, this is not the JSX building. This one is Artha Graha building. JSX is over there."
"Oh, really? I'm sorry! But how do we get there?"
"I think we should go circle around this road before we could get there."
"Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, I forgot."
"That's okay sir, just get me there."

5 minutes later, the JSX
"Where are you? I thought you said that you would be waiting at the Daily Bread?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm already upstairs. Come up and I'll meet ya."
I rean upstairs.

1 minute later, upstairs
"Wait a minute. What's the deal with asking me for another ID? I've already given them my ID in the lobby for a guest card and now they're asking for another one again? I mean, c'mon! Don't you think it's a bit redundant? Did they asked you to do the same too?"
T showed me two guest cards
"I see. Fucked up. I can't believe this. What kind of guest management is this?"

The place is called "The Center of Stock Exchange Information"...
or something like that.
T needed to get some data and information for his thesis. I accompanied him because he asked me to. I'd already have the data I need for my thesis. Well, at least I get to go out of the house with what seems to be a very good excuse (finding more information for my thesis). T asked around and browsed the place for mutual fund information and data. We spent about half an hour in that place. While waiting, I read an article in Newsweek about iPod. After reading it, I was thinking about getting one myself one day when I have enough money.

9 o'clock in the morning
T was talking on his cell phone.
"Sir, you're not suppose to use your cellphone here."
T ended his phone conversation.
"Oh, I see. But I don't see any signs that says so. Weren't you suppose to put up signs so that people know? I don't see 'em anywhere."
"Yes, you're right."

1 minute later, walking downstairs.
"What's the deal with these security guards? Why do they have to be such pushovers?"
"I don't know, man. That's why I asked about the signs."
"Shit man, these people, they have no respect. Somebody should teach them manners."

15 minutes later, in T's BMW
"Where are you going after this?"
"I'm meeting up with someone over at Niaga Tower. I don't think you could come along with me. Sorry, but it's business. Do you want me to drop you off somewhere? I could drop you off at the office. H may be there. Hey, why don't you give him a call and ask him where he is?"
"Hmmm, I don't know...okay I'm calling him."
Calling...
"Hey, where are you?"
"I'm in Kemanggisan right now. I'm visitting a customer right now. Where are you right now?"
"I'm with T. We just went to JSX."
"I see. Hey wanna grab lunch together?"
"Where?"
"How bout Plaza Senayan?"
"Hey, T, how bout going to Plaza Senayan?"
"Sounds good. Yeah, let's go there first. I could drop you off there."
"Okay, let's meet up for lunch at Plaza Senayan."
"Sure thing. See ya there."

about 15 minutes later (maybe, starting to lost track of the time elapsed)
"You're coming with me to Plaza Senayan?"
"Yeah, I'll hang out with you for awhile before going to Niaga Tower."
"I see. Dude I can't wait to go there. I need to take a dump."
"Same here. You know me."

After taking a dump, me and T walked around the place. We visited Sogo and Kinokuniya bookstore. He asked me about his thesis, about when he should call his lecturer who was assisting him in his thesis. Not long after that T left me and went to Niaga Tower. And I was alone at Plaza Senayan. At least for awhile.

A (not-so-ambitious) Book Hunt

I planned to go to a bookstore near Trisakti. I need to get another book as a refference for my thesis. My lecturer asked me to do so. After I'd finished preparing, my driver first dropped me off at my Mom's office in Trisakti's Faculty of Dentistry. A friend of her was going to Singapore for her chemo. Cancer, so many people found out they have it a bit late. I just hope it's not too late for her.

After saying our goodbyes to her, we went to the bookstore. Just my luck, I couldn't find the book. I knew it wasn't gonna be easy to find that book. Lucky for my Mom though, she found a great book about Microbiology. The book was thick and full of pictures and illustrations. Very helpful for doctor wannabes. And what's best was that the book was very cheap. We went to TA, to Gramedia Bookstore. No luck there either. My mom found another book: a recipe book. Her lucky day, not mine.

Went home with a plastic full of BreadTalk and a magazine (Men's Health, not really a smart magazine like Time, but still entertaining and fun to read). No VaR book though (the book I was looking for).

It's Sunday, and supposedly God is on holiday, but people just keep pestering Him/Her/It

Woke up late. Hey, it was Sunday. Don't give me that look. Did nothing all day. I think I sent a couple of sms to a couple of friends. But I stayed home most of the morning and afternoon. Oh yeah, I watched American Splendor. It was a good movie. Quite touching.

Went to the church in the late afternoon. T called before me, my brother and my mom went to the church, said that he wanted to meet me. We decided to meet at EX. It's the nearest hang-out place that we both like. So, after church (God's having a day off, and we kept him/her/it busy during His/Her/Its rest, not respectable weren't we?) I went straight to EX.

Waited awhile for T to arrive. Listened to a live performance of some band playing Maroon 5's 'This Love' while waiting. I like that song a lot. Not long after that T arrived. We went to a Japanese restaurant (which I forgot the name). T asked a couple of questions concerning his thesis. Asked for some advice also. Hope I'd been a good help for him.

Of course it was fun just hanging around, looking at all the nice people milling around in EX (especially the girls, of course). T deliberately chose a table with a nice view of the walkway in front of the restaurant. He said that he was using me as a 'bait', so the girls would look our way. I'll take that as a compliment. Though I didn't feel like anyone was looking our way.

After dinner, we went to Gloria Jean's. The place was a bit empty. Well, it was to be expected. It was Sunday and most people prefer to stay at home and prepare for the week ahead. Personally, I hate Mondays, that ole' girlfriend of mine.

After hangin' around for about a half hour, T dropped me home. And that was it for my Sunday. Monday's waiting around the corner.